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    Old 10-07-2006, 01:16 PM   #1
    raven1181
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    being depressed and being in love

    I don't know if it's possible to be in love and be a depressed person. I put my bf through so much on a daily basis that I constantly question whether its because of my depression or because we're not right for each other. I can't tell when my heart is talking and when my head is talking. He has been there for me through everything, even when I wanted a break or constantly questioned us. I know that there are not many people in this world that would stick by me through this and be so understanding. I just don't know what to do anymore. One minute I'm fine the next I'm ripping his head off. I know that this is driving him away. He's not nearly as sweet and emotional and attentive as he used to be and I know it's because he's afraid I'm going to hurt him again. I can't tell you how many times I've walked out on him only to come crying back hours or a day later, but during that time his heart is breaking because as he says "I thought I lost you forever". I know after my episodes that what I have done has hurt him deeply but at the time I can't think rationally and can't conrol how I feel. I was just wondering how others have dealt with their relationships and beign depressed?

     
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    Old 10-08-2006, 01:04 AM   #2
    Meowmix4078
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    I know exactly what you're talking about. Best thing I found to do is recognize when this is happening, calm your self down, and then apologize if you need to.
    First, you want to try and recognize any irrational behavior. yelling, argueing over something insignifigant, etc.
    Second, once you have recognized these patterns, stop talking. Close your eyes , slow your breathing down, and just stop thinking for as long as it takes.
    third, if you have done something you think you need to apologize for then do so now.
    last, talk about what happened. This can really help in understanding each other and learning how to avoid these situations.

     
    Old 10-08-2006, 06:07 AM   #3
    tabbytux
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    Raven, reading your post was like reading about my life. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, but relieved to know someone out there knows what it's like. I was intrigued by you so I read all the posts you've written and you are just like me. I'm 37 now, but have been depressed for as long as I can remember, definitely even back in childhood, although a lot of it is a part of social anxiety disorder. My teachers always told my parents I was brilliant, but something was very wrong with me as far as social skills, etc. All the doctors my parents took me to said "she's just shy" or "she'll grow out of it". I never grew out of anything, and just believed something was seriously wrong with me. I went to a psychiatrist when I was 26, when I couldn't take any more. He diagnosed me with double depression ( dysthymia and major depression) and social anxiety disorder. He started me on Zoloft and, for the first time in my life, I felt what it was like to have normal feelings and emotions. It saved my life. I stayed on Zoloft for 8 yrs. and thought I could do okay without it. I weaned myself off of it and did okay for about 10 months, and then had a major relapse. Doctor thought Zoloft may not work for me if I went back on it after being off of it so he put me on Prozac. Definitely wasn't for me, so he put me back on Zoloft. It didn't work very well, like he said, so he added Wellbutrin to it. That was horrible (anxiety and anger). I am now starting Effexor XR (second week now) with the Zoloft and, if it works, I'll wean off the Zoloft and stay with the Effexor. I hope the Cymbalta you're starting works for you.
    THe boyfriend problem is identical to mine. My boyfriend is a prince who has been there through the worst. I put him through hell and consistently yell at him and am totally irrational. To make it worse, the sexual side effects just make things that much more horrible. As you said, I know I love him, but I just don't feel it. Don't feel much of anything, except rage on occasion. I also question whether we're right for each other or if it's just this disease. This post is too long already so I'll end it. I just wanted to let you know how much I identify with you and hopefully maybe we can help each other somehow. Hope to read more from you.
    Diane

     
    Old 10-08-2006, 02:22 PM   #4
    raven1181
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    Thanks Diane...It's nice to know that there are other people out there that are going through the same thing. This horrible disease makes me feel like I'm the only one in the world who understands how I feel. It's good to know I'm not alone. Like you said I know I love him but I don't feel it...I don't feel much of anything. Like you, I mostly feel anger and hurt rather than love and happiness. I would give anything in this world to feel better not only for myself but for my bf. The whole reason I went to see a doctor was because of him and because he wanted me to feel better. I'm trying my best to stick with it because I desperately want to get better, so we can be happy.

     
    Old 10-09-2006, 11:28 AM   #5
    Dakota_Skye
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    hi raven and tabby,

    i'm exactly in the same boat. i've even asked myself why he loves me, being that there are other women out there who don't have these problems and who won't give him such negative experiences.....talk about low self esteem, huh?

    i'm still concerned and afraid though, because i want more than just a bf...i want it to go to the next level, and we all know people judge.... influences can come from many parts/places, and one can't help but be swayed sometimes (one's mate, partner, boyfriend). it's very scary, especially when i'd like to get married someday. i know my issues have caused at least some friction and distance between us, on some level... i do not want to distance him more. i try hard no to--however, sometimes, emotions cannot be suppressed no matter how much i try. i do not yell or shout, mind you...i just get very sarcastic, and may talk negatively about others, or cuss, or act completely "unlady" like.... and that's not really "me." but he sees this, and he may think it could become the real me in the future, or that i won't ever be able to stop being this way... i'm sure no one would like to live with, or to spend their lives with someone like that.... i don't know if i could...if i could marry someone like me, if i were a man.

    when i ask him, he always tells me he loves me because i'm me, and starts to state all my good qualities... still, i'm not reassured very much, and i think it's because of two experiences with bf's that have happened to me in the past, and which i believe were at least partly due to my depressive state. they basically left me..... so, fearing another loss, i hope i'm not doing something subconsciously to alienate this wonderful man from my life, with stupid thoughts and deeds.

    thanks for reading girls; just wanted to share my story as well....

    take care of yourselves...

     
    Old 10-09-2006, 11:45 AM   #6
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    I'm in a very similar situationl but I'm the boyfriend. And let me tell you, it IS possible to be completely in love with someone who is depressed. My GF is in the hospital right now, and she hates me for getting her there, but my love is unflinching. I cannot stand to be away from her, buit I can't risk having her hurt herself. I have a post on the matte 'I think I'M depressed' or something liek that. Antyway, do not feel guilty for what you 'put your boyfriend through' We are there because we love you and we're good guys, if we were worried mor e about our selves we probably wouldn't be around. So do what YOU need to do to get your depression under control, and as long as you work at it, I'm SURE your boyfriends will be behind you 100%.

     
    Old 10-09-2006, 04:29 PM   #7
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    this is interesting because i just made a post about emotional numbness but as i read this, i noticed that i act in a similar fashion to some of you. i sometimes act defensive or sarcastic over absolutely nothing and i get very negative even though nothing has happened. i do that in normal conversation with him. sometimes when he's telling me about something good in his life...i get defensive. it makes no sense. as i stated in my other post...i used to have functional relationships but after a horrible relationship i've become very numb. i want to love but it just never happens. it's so frustrating. every other aspect of my life is totally fine. work, hobbies, friends, etc. could that be depression or just an emotional issue?

     
    Old 10-09-2006, 10:07 PM   #8
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    dear missed...

    you're one in a million!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     
    Old 12-10-2006, 08:35 AM   #9
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by missedthemark
    I'm in a very similar situationl but I'm the boyfriend. And let me tell you, it IS possible to be completely in love with someone who is depressed. My GF is in the hospital right now, and she hates me for getting her there, but my love is unflinching. I cannot stand to be away from her, buit I can't risk having her hurt herself. I have a post on the matte 'I think I'M depressed' or something liek that. Antyway, do not feel guilty for what you 'put your boyfriend through' We are there because we love you and we're good guys, if we were worried mor e about our selves we probably wouldn't be around. So do what YOU need to do to get your depression under control, and as long as you work at it, I'm SURE your boyfriends will be behind you 100%.
    ____________________________

    ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS, WOW!!!

    t~

     
    Old 02-07-2007, 09:27 PM   #10
    Viclyn
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    I too feel the same way! I left my husband of 17 years b/c I didn't know if I loved him or was even capable of love. I have been depressed for a long time and never happy. Then one day I met someone (while I was still married) and cheated on my husband, which was soo out of the norm for me. I thought this guy was the one for me! I divorced my husband and I'm not as happy as I use to be with this guy. My ex-husband would do anything for me and supported me thru all the years we were married with this horrible depression. Now I'm alone, and I really miss my ex-husband alot. My ex says he will take me back, the other guy is wanting to be with me and I don't know what I feel except I'm still unhappy and numb in my feelings. I have been on AD for 20+ years and feel like this is just how my life is going to be. Don't do as I did and leave your bf as it sounds like he really understands what you're going thru. Wish I would have done things differently but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand how this depression can make you not sure of what you're feeling. Hang in there as you're not alone!

     
    Old 02-08-2007, 09:16 AM   #11
    N.U.K.E
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    Hi Raven!
    I can truelly relate to missthemark on this one. Your boyfriend definateley loves you. I'm in a similar situation, although it's only into it's fourth month and with many outside sources causing problems, depression included, I'm getting the same treatment. Don't underestimate the power of love. Your b/f is one of a few. If he's like me, then he's probably at the point of not being sure where he lies with you. Being there through thick and thin is proof of what a true relationship is about. Get yourself sorted, and by all means talk with him, let him know what your going through, don't be afraid to, he hasn't left you after all this, he shouldn't leave you now. If you give faith in him, it will make him stronger too. I'm of course basing this on myself, but he sounds like me in many ways. I really hope it all works out well for you both.

     
    Old 02-18-2007, 06:29 AM   #12
    soreheart99
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    Re: being depressed and being in love

    hi there,
    i wanted to say thanks for letting me see how a depressed person feels.
    my ex boyfriend suffers from it, and time and time again, when he was low, it was always me he pushed away. he lost his wife 2.5 yrs ago, and still misses her at times. this wasn't ever a prob to me though, as i believe she helped us get together. i have been through so much with him, and i know we are meant to be together. we are still very close, although at present he is having a space thing. its other people that trigger it off and me that gets pushed away!
    however, i always try to remember, this is his illness and until he accepts it, and seeks help, this will be the way it is. and i hope to always be there for him. why?? because i love him and i know he loves me, its his illness that makes him question it.
    keep trying to help yourselves, because you are half way there in doing so.
    soreheart99 xx

     
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