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Some thoughts

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Old 10-23-2006, 10:24 AM   #1
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Location: pennsylvania
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jen52983 HB User
Some thoughts

Alot of times I pop in here and read various posts hoping to offer some advice and maybe even help. Often I read simplar posts from teenagers that all remind me of myself at that age. So I wanted to share some of my insight in hopes that it will offer reassurance or even hope to some people.

Alot of times I read about junior high or high schoolers who feel alienated, alone, judged, unsure of themselves.. and basically any negative emotion you can name. I just want to say.. that is normal.

I didn't realize any of this until I was out of high school and had already wasted so much of my teen years loathing everything about who I was. I judged myself constantly. I compared myself to my friends, my peers and my sisters. I never felt good enough, for anybody. I thought I was horribly unattractive and fat. I believed my friends weren't even really my friends, I believed they just pitied me. I pulled myself away from everyone and everything. I put myself through mental hell. From about 12 to 17 I don't believe I was ever fully happy.

I look back and think, maybe I was depressed, maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was a moody teenager who just kept myself locked in my own misery. At the time I thought I was the only one in my age group to consider suicide. I learned later that almost everyone I knew had at least thought about it one time or another. That was probably my first lesson is learning that I wasn't as "bad" as I thought I was.

It was mid junior year when I had my wake-up call, a very low moment, that changed my life for the better. I suddenly realized that all these people around me, at school and on the street, their oppinions didn't matter. My oppinion of myself mattered first. I surrounded myself with people who I knew cared about me. I finally started believing it. I focused my energy on things I enjoyed.

I don't want to say its a phase, but in a sense it is. You're growing up. It is a very impressionable time. But the things that seem so important really aren't. I try and stress to "young" people all the time that these people who seem so popular in high school, the ones who put others down- first, after high school... you'll never have to see them again. and second, their power trips end quite quickly when they realize that outside of their safe high school walls, they are just another person, nothing better, nothing worse.

I don't know if I'm really saying all that I mean to say. I guess I just get scared for kids, for example my 13 yr old cousin. I see so much of myself in her. I know what its like to be down, to think you have no other options, that there is nothing here for you, that you're not deserving of love or happiness. I just want people out there,thinking these things, to realize that you are deserving.

I'm 23 now. I can't stress enough that no matter how alone you may feel.. you aren't. There is always someone willing to listen. It took some effort for me to reach happiness. Good things don't just fall into our laps.

I'm going to end this by saying- don't let others determine how you feel about yourself. Try and find things you enjoy doing, people you enjoy being with. Allow yourself to believe that there are people who do care.

I hope this reaches at least one person on a personal level, and that it opens their eyes a little bit.

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