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Feel like the gum on the bottom of everyone's shoe..


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Old 10-30-2006, 04:30 PM   #1
Babyriverareeve
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Unhappy Feel like the gum on the bottom of everyone's shoe..

I dont know really what Im doing right now,..Im just writing cause I feel so overwhelmed with the BS from day to day. Im about to be engaged soon and as much as I love him I feel like my brain is just not capable anymore. Everyday, I go to work, school, back to work, come home make dinner,...clean - no thanks, no appreciation, especially no acknowledgment...just grief. We have to live with his parents at the moment and Im doing everything I can to save money and get out,...hes come close to graduating from his school twice already ...still has yet to pass. All that says to me is ...more time here in their house...with THEM! He lied to me today about going to school today. I pulled up into the drive way, parked next to his car, and called him. He said he was at school....and obviously he wasn't. But somehow it was my fault when I walked into the room as we were talking on the phone. He was in his bed sleeping pretty much. I'll never forget the look on his face...just totally utterly caught. This isnt the first time he's lied to me. All it's telling me is, he doesnt care that his mother constantly screams at me all day about how much of a bum I am. How irresponsible I am.....how much of a loser I am. And I cry and cry begging him to do more for us to get out...and he doesn't seem to get the urgency.Why? IS it that he can't or that he just won't? I dont want to waste my time,...I know Im going to be told I am...IM just looking to unload,...cause right now I feel like it wouldnt matter anymore if I was here or not. Maybe someone else can be their kicking stool. I hate living like this and I feel like it could mean the difference between black and white if he'd just apply himself more and get out of here instead of ..skipping school, feeling like he has to lie to me,...all the rest of his BS excuses.
I dont even know if this is appropriate to talk about online here. I dont even know if I made any sense just now. Im just rambling at the moment...so tired and exhausted of the same thing for two and a half years,...with no reward ...no white lite at the end of the tunnel yet. Does it make sense to anyone when I say "I'm deadening more and more with everyday that nothing is done to resolve the problem?"

 
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Old 10-30-2006, 04:54 PM   #2
xxxzoexxx
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Re: Feel like the gum on the bottom of everyone's shoe..

i think his mother is very rude to be telling you all thoes negative things. What Exactly attracts you to this man?

 
Old 10-30-2006, 07:37 PM   #3
WanderingSoul
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Re: Feel like the gum on the bottom of everyone's shoe..

It sounds like you're not in a good environment at all!! No wonder you feel so crummy. It also sounds like you are relying on your boyfriend to change your circumstances so you can be happy.. Which renders you helpless.. Is there anything you can do for yourself to get out of that situation? I think it gives him too much power if you let him have control over your life like that.

 
Old 10-31-2006, 05:48 PM   #4
rose_5-HT
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Re: Feel like the gum on the bottom of everyone's shoe..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babyriverareeve
I dont know really what Im doing right now,..Im just writing cause I feel so overwhelmed with the BS from day to day. Im about to be engaged soon and as much as I love him I feel like my brain is just not capable anymore. Everyday, I go to work, school, back to work, come home make dinner,...clean - no thanks, no appreciation, especially no acknowledgment...just grief. We have to live with his parents at the moment and Im doing everything I can to save money and get out,...hes come close to graduating from his school twice already ...still has yet to pass. All that says to me is ...more time here in their house...with THEM! He lied to me today about going to school today. I pulled up into the drive way, parked next to his car, and called him. He said he was at school....and obviously he wasn't. But somehow it was my fault when I walked into the room as we were talking on the phone. He was in his bed sleeping pretty much. I'll never forget the look on his face...just totally utterly caught. This isnt the first time he's lied to me. All it's telling me is, he doesnt care that his mother constantly screams at me all day about how much of a bum I am. How irresponsible I am.....how much of a loser I am. And I cry and cry begging him to do more for us to get out...and he doesn't seem to get the urgency.Why? IS it that he can't or that he just won't? I dont want to waste my time,...I know Im going to be told I am...IM just looking to unload,...cause right now I feel like it wouldnt matter anymore if I was here or not. Maybe someone else can be their kicking stool. I hate living like this and I feel like it could mean the difference between black and white if he'd just apply himself more and get out of here instead of ..skipping school, feeling like he has to lie to me,...all the rest of his BS excuses.
I dont even know if this is appropriate to talk about online here. I dont even know if I made any sense just now. Im just rambling at the moment...so tired and exhausted of the same thing for two and a half years,...with no reward ...no white lite at the end of the tunnel yet. Does it make sense to anyone when I say "I'm deadening more and more with everyday that nothing is done to resolve the problem?"
I think it is a great idea to write your problems here. Whatever you decide I think this is a first step for you to find a better future.

Here are my thoughts:

1) I think you should not tolerate one more day negative judgement on you from his mother (or by the way from anybody). Express it clearly to her. You deserve respect.

2) You have found out that he has lied to you. How will you be able to trust him in the future ? You now know what his way of dealing with difficulty is. Are you satisfied with it ?

3) You say you get no appreciation. Do you expect it will get better if you leave his parents' home ?

4) You say you are overwhelmed, that you cry and cry, that you hate living like this. These feelings are painful but they are lights, red lights that tell you you must make strong adjustments in your life.

5) He failed to graduate twice and now he's skipping school and hiding it to you. One more red light.

6) You are right don't waste your time. You may still love him but he makes no efforts to offer you a better future. This is not a proof of love.

Rose_5-HT

 
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