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    Old 11-15-2006, 10:07 AM   #1
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    Unhappy help. obsessive, scary thoughts.

    I was diagnosed w/panic disorder about 5 months ago. I can't believe its been that long already. I am on medication now (Celexa generic), which seems to be working, because I don't get the sudden rushes of anxiety anymore as much as I used to.
    Over the summer I had obsessive thoughts about hurting and killing myself. I didn't want to do it and I don't want to do it. There was one point where most of my day consisted of these intrusive thoughts and I couldn't even pay attention to other things. That went away in the past month, but now it is coming back. I am a senior in college and figuring out what to do with my life and also going through major stuff in my therapy sessions about my past. I want to believe that these thoughts are just obsessive and intrusive again but they scare me so much where I think, what if I did hurt myself?
    I get depressed about these thoughts because I think that no one else around me is struggling with anything like it. I also get depressed thinking that everyone around me can feel normal and then there is me CONSTANTLY thinking about my anxiety. I feel lightheaded a lot and my vision is off (perhaps due to anxiety). I just want some insight I guess, I had to vent.

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    Old 11-15-2006, 12:03 PM   #2
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    Re: help. obsessive, scary thoughts.

    Sorry to hear you are dealing with intrusive thoughts. They sure can be scary. Just wondering if your dose has ever been adjusted? It sounds like you were doing better earlier on and that with the stress of upcoming end of the semester and then end of college the following semester you're feeling more stressed. More stress can require a higher dose than the one that usually works for you. Also, I don't know if this is true of everyone's intrusive thoughts, but when I was on the right dose for me, my ITs went away.

    Old 11-15-2006, 01:47 PM   #3
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    Re: help. obsessive, scary thoughts.

    I do not like pushing meds but I take Zyprexa and it helps with the intrusive thoughts on most days

    Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
    Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
    Borderline Personality Disorder
    Generalized Anxiety Disorder

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    Old 11-15-2006, 04:24 PM   #4
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    Re: help. obsessive, scary thoughts.

    I also have obsessive, scary thoughts, but it usually takes something major to trigger them. It's not ongoing, but once I get into a certain mode, I get the visions, and it's all I can think about. I don't think I'd actually go through with it, though I was afraid enough to go to the hospital. My physician said that's what I needed to do if I had those thoughts again. I went in to talk with him about antidepressants a few months ago when I had several bad things going on at once and started having those thoughts over and over. I've been taking Lexapro for a couple months, and it's been helping until now. I think part of it was I didn't feel like there was anywhere I could go to be alone and feel safe. I didn't feel like anyone would understand - my family tries, but no one can understand these things unless they experience them.

    I'm feeling better today, and am no longer having the thoughts. I think it was just knowing that there was some place to go and someone to talk to who understands. I hope you have that in your therapist. It is a pain to feel like everyone else is normal, and you're somehow excluded from this normalcy. Though I'm through this episode, the psychiatrist upped my medication, and I'm following up with my regular physician to discuss what happened. I think it's important to have compassionate, caring people on your side that you trust. My parents actually said that I admitted myself to the hospital to scare them, get attention, and cause drama. I didn't even tell them anything about it (gee, wonder why) until I found out that I was going to be admitted overnight (even though I felt better after talking it out, and I wanted to go home). My cousin commited suicide two years ago, and no, I wouldn't have gone to the lengths that I did to get help if I thought for sure I'd be ok. Having that happen to a loved one, and knowing that he was probably thinking some of same things that I've been - it can be scary. I hope you find help and get peace. Maybe talk to your doctor about upping your Celexa. Good luck and hang in there!

    Old 11-25-2006, 05:31 AM   #5
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    Re: help. obsessive, scary thoughts.

    Hi i am new to this site so bare with me i read your post and totally no where you are coming from i describe my self has a very happy go lucky person up untill about a year ago when i found myself in depression i didnt know what had hit me has i had never felt this way before i was going through alot of stress in my life at the time when it crept up on me my thoughts like you where obsessive and scary i didnt no which way to turn.
    I went to see my doctor who eventually gave me flouxetine which did help me eventually it was a long process but bit by bit i began to feel more like my old self again dont get me wrong there are days when i feel it creeps back into my head again and i have to say that does scare me and sometimes i feel it is a battle but its a battle now that i can overcome by positive thinking and keeping myself busy one day i know i will be 100% better again and that is what i am trying to achieve.

    I feel for you has i know what you are going through and i wouldont wish it on anybody but all i can say is chin up it will get better hope this helps.

    Old 11-25-2006, 08:13 AM   #6
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    Re: help. obsessive, scary thoughts.

    dodedoo, sorry to hear about your anxiety. I'm glad that you are in counseling and that it is productive. I have recovered from anxiety and counseling was what got me over it. Hang in there and keep working. I remember having repetitive thoughts with my anxiety. I think that repetition is common with anxiety. I don't remember worrying about others not having to deal with these things and that I wasn't normal. I just kept working to get over it. You would be surprised how few people that there are who are truly "normal" and carefree with no problems. Good luck to you.

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