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i am in fear

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Old 12-31-2006, 06:51 PM   #1
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Location: miami, florida, usa
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tonyaury HB User
i am in fear

i have been very depressed for 6 months now. my doc has me on 30mg of lexapro, 1200 mg of lithium, 2-4 mg risperdal, 2-3mg activan. i had electroshock 1 month ago. i don't have motivation for anything except using the computer to surf these sites. i am 42, married and have 4 children. i am the sole provider, my wife has never worked and i haven't been able to produce income for the last 6 months. i use to work as an attorney but business was so slow that it triggerred this depression when i saw that i was not earning a living anymore. supposedly the law firm i am associated with is going to start advertising in january and that might turn my business around, but that is a big if and hope. in the mean time every day that goes by i have no joy, filled with fear, very depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts. the only thing i do in the day is smoke cigarettes, sit at the computer and sleep. It is a big chore to take a bath.

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Old 12-31-2006, 07:43 PM   #2
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dd0514 HB User
Re: i am in fear

Please stop & think about your family, they love you and need you. Not just a paycheck, you mean alot to them. Reach out and tell your wife how you feel, get support, they need you and love you. I know, my husband has been very distant, and I miss him. I wish he knew how much I love him.

Old 12-31-2006, 08:14 PM   #3
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trg247 HB Usertrg247 HB Usertrg247 HB User
Re: i am in fear

Does your doctor know your current condition? How many sessions of ECT did you have? Do you think your current status is mostly situational depression compared to chemical? Not really sure what to tell you. The suicidal ideation is a pain to deal with if they are getting to be to much go find an emergency ward. I am also on a lot of meds, have gone through 6 sessions of ECT and have lost my wife and career to depression so your certainly not alone in your fight. Keep posting here and keep hoping tomorrow will bring a better day

Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Current Meds

Old 01-01-2007, 08:36 AM   #4
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: i am in fear

Tony, are you turning your fear of not being able to provide for your family inward - thus into depression?

Old 01-01-2007, 12:05 PM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
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plasva HB User
Re: i am in fear

I am sorry you're going through this. Depression can be very very disabling, but sometimes it can slowly get better if you force yourself to get out of the house. FORCE yourself, even if it's taking the kids for ice cream or taking yourself to a coffee shop to read. Maybe apply at some temp. agencies and work a few days each week, even if the pay is lousy, to earn SOMEthing and get out of the house? Then you can still go to the law firm when they need you? It can't hurt to try.... if you got through law school and passed the bar exam, you are obviously very intelligent and capable. Try to think of yourself that way again, over and over.

Old 01-01-2007, 06:29 PM   #6
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Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: i am in fear

hi tony,
you must remember this: nothing material is worth despairing and thinking about dying over!!! it seems to me you've put everything you've considered really important to you into your work. is just one aspect of ourselves what really makes us, us? no, it isn't!!! is something missing here, tony? the only reason i'm saying this is that your depression started six months ago, right when your business was going slowest. however (and as i've seen other people write to you on this board, here), seeing as you've passed the bar successfully (a feat in itself--i know it, bec. my sis is a lawyer, and i've always said i couldn't have done it myself), means you're an intelligent fellow who can definitely get another job with another company, when you feel ready! later on when you feel better, or even now, since you said you spend all your time on the net, you may try looking into other companies!!
please keep posting and good luck!

Old 01-02-2007, 01:58 AM   #7
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Ke
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CoyoteBound HB User
Re: i am in fear

You need to get out of the house for sure! Sitting in the house day in and day out is enough to make you depressed. I know, I've been there and I am on medication right now for depression. You are the only one that can pull your self out of this.

I can tell your very intelligent, and you have got a wife and kids to think about. What would happen to them, if something happened to you. Get on the internet and apply for some jobs where you live. You might just luck out and find someone that needs a good Lawyer and right there would be your oppurtunity. We really care so try and keep us updated on your progress.

You Can DO IT! Hang in there.

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