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    Old 03-13-2007, 09:09 AM   #1
    Therag
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    get made to feel guilty about being depressed

    Does anyone here get made to feel guilty for feeling depressed by family o'r friends?

    When I am in a low mood my mum get's angry with me and tell's me to pull myself together, but I can't help it; If I'm depressed that's the way I feel, but she just get's really mad at me, shouts at me, calling me a misery guts. Once before she said ''No wonder no girl wants you'' and that really hurt.

    My mum has had bouts herself. When we were young she used to start crying for no reason, and she used to get mad at me and my sister for no reason. I remember the beatings she used to give to my sis, and me for getting drunk when I was younger. She even took a packet of paracetemol from the cupboard at one time and threatened to take them all, which is not very nice especially since we were only kids then. My mum seems to forget that she herself shows more signs of being deppressed than me. Don't get me wrong I love her, but it just hurts.

     
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    Old 03-13-2007, 09:46 AM   #2
    Dakota_Skye
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    Re: get made to feel guilty about being depressed

    hi therag,

    oh yeah, sounds all too familiar. when i was younger and still living with my parents, my mother especially, used to make me feel like a complete failure,-- i guess because she didn't really know what the heck i was going through (although, like your mom, SHE had plenty of depressive symptoms--but she'd never admit to having anything, plus she didn't and still doesn't believe either in meds for depression or in any kind of therapy for it)! and i'm familiar with the name calling, one of which was completely similar to yours "well, nobody's gonna be with you if you continue being like that and behaving like that." she also told me outright that i was "crazy," just because i didn't have enough friends, or wouldn't go out very much and kept to myself most of the time. mind you, i never hung out with the wrong crowd, with any crowd in fact, never did drugs, never got pregnant, never did any of the so called "bad" things that a parent should worry about and/or even have a legitimate reason for becoming upset with the child....I'm not saying that if these things happen to a child the parent should go ranting and raving and calling the child names....but just as an example....

    oh yeah, i know how you feel. being called names and being mentally abused for no reason, and for having something you can't even control. it's an absurdity. i only began to start healing when i moved out, but believe me, even now, after all these years, i hear my mom's voice in my head sometimes, "oh, you'll never amount to anything," "nobody's going to take your capricious nature," "you're crazy," and so on, and i try my damned hardest to redirect that voice, knowing very well it's not true, knowing very well it belongs to just another human being who has her own faults, her own problems, and her own pain!!! sometimes, it doesn't make the hurt go away though.

    so, yes, i understand, and i'm truly sorry!
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    Old 03-13-2007, 10:26 AM   #3
    even_sly
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    Re: get made to feel guilty about being depressed

    I was called ungrateful a lot. That's one thing I remember as a kid...

    I have NEVER once said that to my child, though. And NEVER will.

    I'm sorry your mom doesn't "remember" how she felt. That sucks.

    Dakota ~ I hear my mom's voice too, saying things like that.

    I guess you just have to ignore it... And remind yourself that you MATTER! And you're not all those things...

    (((((hugs)))))
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    Old 03-13-2007, 10:46 AM   #4
    Dakota_Skye
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    Re: get made to feel guilty about being depressed

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by even_sly View Post

    Dakota ~ I hear my mom's voice too, saying things like that.

    I guess you just have to ignore it... And remind yourself that you MATTER! And you're not all those things...

    (((((hugs)))))
    thanks, even_sly,

    you're nice for responding!!! i know i matter, yet some days, you know...
    thanks a lot though!!!
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    Old 03-13-2007, 11:18 AM   #5
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    Re: get made to feel guilty about being depressed

    Therag and Dakota, so sorry to hear that you get no understanding from your moms. You know, people hate most in others what they hate in themselves and I'll bet this is what is going on. You both deserve compassion for how you are feeling, everyone does.

     
    Old 03-13-2007, 12:05 PM   #6
    keyboardplaya
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    Re: get made to feel guilty about being depressed

    Therag, that's the exact kind of stuff my mother would say to me too. Other things included "Are you depressed or something?" or "Are you on drugs?" or "This is why you don't have any friends." Even in hindsight these things are just wrong to say. You need to stand up to your mother and NEVER let her speak to you like that EVER again. I speak from experience.

    And be as assertive as possible, only becoming aggressive if she makes you. My mother would often say "Oh, I don't remember saying that" almost anytime I confronted her, but I was often left no choice but to yell at her and verbally force her into listening to me.

    Last edited by keyboardplaya; 03-13-2007 at 12:07 PM.

     
    Old 03-13-2007, 12:28 PM   #7
    Dakota_Skye
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    Re: get made to feel guilty about being depressed

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by keyboardplaya View Post
    My mother would often say "Oh, I don't remember saying that" almost anytime I confronted her,
    oh how true that is!! mine said it every time i confronted her.
    and with such a saintly facial expression too! almost, like, where are the wings??? yeah, right!! i also told her a few times exactly what happened, when, and how, and she listened, but then wouldn't talk to me for days... whatever...

    it's a pity though. some people are unbelievable in their own madness....
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    Old 03-13-2007, 07:19 PM   #8
    mary09
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    Re: get made to feel guilty about being depressed

    Hi,
    I know all too well the effects of negative feelings from my mother, same as you all. My mother suffers from depression and based on a lot of circumstances, I find myself going down the same road these days. She yells and screams at me sometimes when she's really bad.....and then other days she just plain feels no one in the world deals with what she does.
    Although I so very much empathize and worry for her, I have told her how recent horrible situations in our family have made me feel very low and down, to the point where I argue with my husband and just dont have it in me some days to "play" with my son............she never seems to understand that. Yet she is so understanding of other people, I hear her being so sympathetic of anybody but me.
    Every conversation I have with her, if its not about my son, is all about her situation, her health, her family issues, her depression.....to the point where I can not talk to my mom anymore. I can not go to her as a daughter normally would with her worries because honestly, there are just no room for my problems. If I remotely seem less than in a good mood, she gets upset with me, saying she doesnt need to have a negative atmosphere with what she's going through. I've tried to hint to her that I'm going through a hard time, but she does not care to listen, and just fluffs it off. But like I said, she spends day after day listening to everyone elses problems.
    My one biggest absolute no-no with raising my son, is to watch what I say to him as he grows up. Because no matter how we look at it, what a mother says to a child has absolute long lasting impact. Words can be weapons, and coming from a mother, they are deadly.
    Please dont feel bad about being depressed - it's good you are here to get some support.....as they say "join the club"......
    Best wishes,
    ******

     
    Old 03-13-2007, 11:23 PM   #9
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    Re: get made to feel guilty about being depressed

    I'm sorry for all your experiences with your moms. Fortunately for me, my mom is a nurse and is understanding. Unfortunately for me, my mom is a nurse and treats me like a patient rather than a child who needs nothing but unconditional love.

    My husband is the one who makes me feel guilty. Sometimes he'll compassionately ask me not to do this to myself because I have so much going for me. Other times he'll be out right annoyed and say that he can't understand why it's so hard to choose not to be depressed. Yes, I feel guilty especially because my children see it.

    Sannah is right in saying that people dislike most in others what they see in themselves. It hurts you a whole lot, but the only thing you can do is realize that you're educated and getting help and you can simply empathize with her.

     
    Old 03-13-2007, 11:39 PM   #10
    Therag
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    Re: get made to feel guilty about being depressed

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by keyboardplaya View Post
    Therag, that's the exact kind of stuff my mother would say to me too. Other things included "Are you depressed or something?" or "Are you on drugs?" or "This is why you don't have any friends." Even in hindsight these things are just wrong to say. You need to stand up to your mother and NEVER let her speak to you like that EVER again. I speak from experience.

    And be as assertive as possible, only becoming aggressive if she makes you. My mother would often say "Oh, I don't remember saying that" almost anytime I confronted her, but I was often left no choice but to yell at her and verbally force her into listening to me.
    Yeah that's another thing she used to, she used to be convinced I was on drugs and even searched my room once, but I don't even smoke.

    I'm not an aggresive person but sometimes my mum pushes me so much that I snap, and then she accuses me of having a raging temper!

     
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