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  • I can not stop crying!!

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    Old 05-08-2007, 01:27 PM   #1
    hsp1
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    Unhappy I can not stop crying!!

    Here is my story.

    Just yesterday after an agonizing dental appointment, my boss had a talk with me at the end of the day. He stated that he is closing his business for his retirement in a few months. I was crushed. But I held my tears back until he gave me a “goodbye I am sorry hug”. I am grateful that he did give me a few months notice til he closes. But this is why I am crushed so. See my boss could be a real pain in the butt some days, but there were times when he was a decent guy. He treated me better than my own father. In the last five years my parents have been extremely awful to me. I mean they were greedy in their past but 5 years ago was the first time that they estranged me. Then they wanted to make mends, then they estranged me again. Then, as some of you know, they are now estranging me again cause I asked to borrow money, they flipped out, rather my father flipped out on me. All those times when I was estranged or feuding with my folks about something or another, my boss stepped in and took care of me, he paid for my internet, helped my buy my new computer so I do not get scammed, he helped me with all of my computer problems, paid for 70 % of my health insurance (this is a small company too very small) etc… one thing that he did that I will never forget is that he never lied to me like my father constantly does. Anyway, ever since I found out that my boss is leaving I have been crying a lot. I am at work today hoping that I would stop crying but I had a few crying spells. Right now as I am typing this I feel like crying but forcing myself not to cause the boss’s wife is here. I know now that I am all alone. No real family and now my boss is leaving. He has encouraged me to actively look for another job, but I am too depressed to do so. I wish I was gone. I am sooooooo hurt. I think it is cause of the job loss, and the fact that my boss will be moving. But I also think it is cause of the reality that my parents hates me and wish that I was never born by the many times they have estranged me. I called my therapist about this and she said to hang in there and try to think about the good things that is gonna happen, but that is so hard for me to do that right now. My “best friend” (only friend) says that I should not move out of this city, because she is not ready to move. And when I say to her “what if moving is the best for me”. She calls me selfish for moving without her. I told her that I want her to come but she still says that she is not ready to move at all. She has been sayin that for years now when I brought up the “what if my boss retires” topic. She is really mad at me for wanting to move, she keeps saying that there is better here. She just does not get that I am hurting cause of my family and now this job situation. She is so attached to her father like a 6 year old is, no lie, and she is going on 33. I told my boss about her attitude about me wanting to move and he says “move with out her and make other friends.” Folks that is not that easy for me cause I am an AvPD (avoident personality disorder). It is not that simple. I have tried in the past but it is ever so hard for me Yes I could move with out her if I had to. But I think her behavior is totally unfair to me.

    Please people, give me your best advice, I am so hurting right now!!!!

    Thank you in advance for your kind advice I really do need it!!!

     
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    Old 05-08-2007, 06:12 PM   #2
    mary09
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    Re: I can not stop crying!!

    Hi Hsp,
    Sorry you're feeling so low! And also that your boss is leaving...especially since he has treated you well and given you something you've obviously been lacking from your parents.
    If you dont mind me asking, how old are you?
    It may seem like a good idea to move and start fresh, but I think you may be running away from your problems. A change of scenery would be great, but if you dont deal with your problems with your parents, they will follow you believe me.
    As for your friend, she needs to be honest with you. But honestly, moving is not a good idea if someone does not want to go. It's a recipe for disaster, and I know this from personal experience. Sounds like she is the main friend you have in your life, and knowing this may put pressure on her to "say" she'll move with you, even if she may not want to. She should be honest with you no matter what.
    I would honestly suggest, you think about moving. Would it not be better, to try find a new job, in familiar territory. This is a great way to meet new people. I dont really know enough about your relationship with your parents to suggest, you could heal that relationship or not. But a new job, would bring new friends. Surround yourself with positive people!! And then, once you have friends that are in your life just for "you", you will gain the confidence you need to confront your parents again, and if that doesnt work out, and you still feel like a fresh start, you'll be more empowered to do so.
    Sorry if that doesnt help....I feel bad for you, I can sense you're hurting right now.....but I think you may be trying to run from your troubles.
    If you want to talk about them more, you can make some new friends also starting right here. It's a great place to let out your thoughts and just get advice, not judgement.

    Hope you're feeling better........
    ******

     
    Old 05-09-2007, 01:12 PM   #3
    Sannah
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    Re: I can not stop crying!!

    Hsp, no wonder you are upset, you are "losing" your "adoptive" father. This sounds very upsetting! Can you still maintain contact after changing jobs? As for your friend, you both have a life to live and maybe someone has to make a tough choice? Why do you want to move anyway? Were you diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder? You seem very able to attach to others to me?

     
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