It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Depression Message Board

Help please

Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-28-2007, 12:15 AM   #1
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Malta
Posts: 4
mixer HB User
Help please

I am 33 married for 4 years, been with my wife for 10 years in all. A year ago I lost mum after battling breast cancer for over 20 years. I have a history of negative self-image troubling past due to an own illness between 6-9 (lost most of that time), my mum's illness, premature hairloss at 17 and overweight. After my mum passed away the negative self-image got worse and I developed an obsession about feeling unattractive with mirror obsessions, etc. I was diagnosed as having depression with anxiety and prescribed anti-depressants.

To top it all up I started developing crashes and recently when I was abroad I came close physically with an attractive girl who has quite a promiscious history. I had always been faithful to my wife before. That made feel very bad and guilty as it was not fair on my wife. However I am externalising my thoughts about myself by desiring quite attractive women and that adds up to my unhappiness, not to mention that I try to find my mum in attractive women who have some element in common with her, usually physical. I am also undergoing therapy and that has helped a bit.

But I am afraid that I can ruin my life and that of other.s

Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 05-28-2007, 03:45 AM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Kent
Posts: 81
Toffee1 HB User
Re: Help please


Wish I could help but dont have any experience of this kind of situation. I just wanted you to know there are people here that listen and I hope somebody can give you the help and support that you need and crave.

Warm wishes x

Old 05-28-2007, 07:55 AM   #3
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 292
even_sly HB User
Re: Help please

I think we all have "stuff" like this. Things we do to make ourselves feel better, yet they are "destructive." But it's only a quick fix... You feel good for a little while and then the self-hatred feelings come back. The only real "fix" is to just love yourself... unconditionally.

For me, I make myself vomit. It's awful. I don't do it every day, but I get it in my head that I'm "fat" and that's what does it. It's really a self-hatred thing, though. I know that. I'm trying really hard to stop.

I think you just have to remember that you are a wonderful, beautiful person... You ARE. Not because someone says you are, but just because you ARE. You don't need these women to make you feel good about you... That's why you're being with them, right?

Talk to your therapist about this. (I'm sure you are.) They'll help you work through it. It just takes time.

I don't know if any of that helped... I hope so. Hang in there and let us know how you're doing. ((((((hugs))))) ~ Sly
"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." ~ Lao Tzu

Old 05-28-2007, 11:28 AM   #4
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Malta
Posts: 4
mixer HB User
Re: Help please

Yes, probably that is why I do it. Women make me feel better about myself because probably I finf it difficult to accept myself, especially physically. That much I know and if I am able to be friends only it is not so much of a problem. The problems start if I can't control and find someone who reciprocates back.

Old 05-29-2007, 02:45 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: australia
Posts: 581
Trixibel HB User
Re: Help please

Getting crushes is normal. Everyone gets them from time to time. It's hard not to. And wanting to find your mum in someone is normal too. You're going through a hard time. Just ride with it. Don't do anything that will spoil your relationship with your wife. We all have to roll with these difficult times. I had a period when I was your age when I had a massive crush on someone - and I'm married with three children. I'm sure it was just some part of me thinking 'is this all there is?' and wanting some 'excitement'. Don't feel guilty about 'thoughts' as long as they're just thoughts. Everyone has them. And the crush wasn't on someone really attractive - he wasn't spectactularly attractive - he was just nice to me, and sometimes that's what we need. Someone who makes us feel good. My husband's nice to me too, but we've been together 14 years and probably don't 'see' each other any more if you know what I mean. But my husband is slightly overweight and bald and I still find him very attractive. Sorry, this is a bit of a ramble.

Old 05-29-2007, 04:46 AM   #6
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Malta
Posts: 4
mixer HB User
Re: Help please

Yes probably I have got used to my wife and that makes me feel as I don't feel right that I desire other attractive women. But that is unfortunately the way it is. Before I thought that these thoughts showed that I don't love my wife enough but it seems they are part of life. And yes balding made so much more self-conscious, even though most women I know like my shaven look and my wife sees me as very attractive too. My problem is that I obsess and that brings about depression. I also suffer from migraine and read somewhere that people who suffer from migraine have a higher chance of suffering from depression.

Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
schizophrenia help me know what i have please sader Schizophrenia 14 05-25-2010 01:45 PM
Please help low eGFR WhenItRains Kidney Disorders 6 04-25-2010 09:06 AM
Help...arm pain? Robin Boetcher Open to All Other Health Topics 3 04-24-2010 07:08 AM
Injured Tendon. No insurance, need help! Please Michellet1982 Health Insurance - SSDI Issues 4 03-28-2010 03:49 PM
Help please- step daughter diagnosed with schizophrenia kbrand0554 Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 2 02-25-2010 11:18 PM
overdosed on adderall please help my gf who has no idea yet that i might die afistalker240 ADD / ADHD 12 10-10-2005 02:44 PM
i need a little help hiera Heart Disorders 23 11-30-2004 06:05 PM
please get help alisonmelia Addiction & Recovery 1 12-18-2003 09:15 AM
I urgently need help with my best friend! caprisun1202 Pain Management 14 12-05-2003 09:50 AM

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:59 PM.

Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
© 1998-2018 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!