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Self Analysis of my own state of mind...

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Old 05-28-2007, 05:50 AM   #1
Join Date: May 2007
Location: East Sussex - UK
Posts: 3
movinginthedark HB User
Self Analysis of my own state of mind...

Hi, this is my first post, so my apologies if it is in the wrong forum section - and if it is moved, can I ask that I can know where it's been moved too - otherwise I will never find it again. I understand that there is a large collection of information accompanied with a community of people...

I also know that posting massively long threads are against forum admin's requests, so I will attempt to summerise what is going on.

I would just like to know whether anyone here has had experience with a family member who has a disability and is in continual pain - who, despite seeing an assortment of therapists, two major opperations and a cocktail of drugs - refuses to accept the fact that the reason they are not helping is because the affects of the medicine are hindered by the alcoholism and chain-smoking?

Yet, they are convinced no one else but themselves matter in this world - nothing matters except for themselves in they're world. It has already caused my dad to leave - after trying everything, there is nothing else he can do. And my sister will follow him soon. I am left here with my mum... if I leave... I know she will carry out the threats she has imposed over the last few years... if I stay - she does nothing but drink, smoke and tell me how bad things are...

...if anyone has any advice... I would be much appreciated - if you want to know the whole story, just say so and I can e-mail it to you... but it's got to the point where myself, my dad and my sister have tried everything - and nothing seems to work...

...I just don't know what else there is left to do...

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Old 05-28-2007, 07:16 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 1,400
Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: Self Analysis of my own state of mind...

hi there,

your situation is a tough one. i know that alcohol and nicotine are extremely powerful addictions, and it takes much WILL on the part of the person involved to get over these addictions. they aren't only psychological, but they become physical after a while--especially alchoholism. when people give up drinking after they've been drinking for years, they may develop hallucinations and horrible nightmares. it truly is no joking matter. that is why most people cannot give it up without going into detox centers. it is really unfortunate, but the alchohol and the nicotine takes control over the person, especially if that person has additional problems, life problems, etc. your mom probably feels really bad now that her husband left and her daughter doesn't get along with her. she doesn't care anymore. she sounds really depressed and seems to be living her days with a "devil may care" attitude. unfortunately, she needs to want to change, at least a little; she needs to care about life, her life--a least to some degree, to want to get "better." you said you've already tried everything, that is, your dad did. well, she has to WANT to try it. i'm sorry, but that's the only way i see anyone living with such horrible addictions having the chance to get out of them. maybe she can do something for you, since you're her son? and you seem like a very loving son, to care for your mom. i think that is wonderful!!!

sorry i can't be of more help.
God bless!
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...

Old 05-28-2007, 11:46 AM   #3
Join Date: May 2007
Location: East Sussex - UK
Posts: 3
movinginthedark HB User
Re: Self Analysis of my own state of mind...

Thank you for the kind thoughts... But it just seems like she doesn't want to be helped...
I threw away every drop of alcohol and every strand of tobacco last monday... I made the point of confronting her about everything - about how my dad was going to leave, my sister too - why she wasn't getting better, how these causes were attributed to the fact she wasn't getting better...

And I thought things were going really well... I finally had some of my trust back for my mum (it had all but deminished over the last years through all the lies, disapointment and apathetic attitude toward everything)

...I thought that taking those away, and telling her how things were, would be enough to make her realised, when she's sober - what was going on...but a few days later, I find her smoking again - and last night my sister comes home to find several bottles of empty wine, and my mother - yet again... back to stage one...

...It makes me so angry that I could have trusted her again, that I thought things might have actually changed...I spoke to my dad about it, and he said that he is almost definately not coming home now...

...I know you can't force an addic to give up - they need to want to give up - but when my mum wont listen to reasoning, she wont listen to advice, wont accept the fact that in order for her to get better, she needs to help herself first by giving up smoking and drinking... do I show her all this... I don't know what else I can do...

Old 05-28-2007, 05:51 PM   #4
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: ny
Posts: 2,035
jules3 HB User
Re: Self Analysis of my own state of mind...

moving, You cannot make her stop...thats it..It has to come from sorry to tell you this but theres not a single thing you can do or say to help needs to be her decision. Dont enable it thats all you can do.

Old 05-29-2007, 10:54 AM   #5
Join Date: May 2007
Location: East Sussex - UK
Posts: 3
movinginthedark HB User
Re: Self Analysis of my own state of mind...

...-sigh-... I had a feeling someone was going to say that...
...thanks for your help anyway...

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