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Old 05-31-2007, 08:11 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 2
river_tiger HB User
Need to vent...

First post here... right now I feel like life is taking a dump on me and God is laughing.
  • I am 30 years old.
  • Have a great wife.
  • Had a great job, it moved. We opted to stay here near family. (got severance)
  • Got what I thought was a great job, turned out to be a nightmare. Had to resign. (with severance)
  • Went into Real Estate for a friend's mom, and I think I hate it.
  • I have been putting my wife thru grad school for 3+ years (she is finally done), and that and the combo of her not working has drained our savings down to where I was when I was about 20.
  • We have private insurance right now, and just found out my wife is pregnant. The *bleeping* insurance company is claiming they won't cover her since it's a "pre-existing condition."
  • My old boss is heavily recruiting me to move to work for him again.
  • Right now I am making barely any money, and the wife hasn't secured a job. We are running on fumes on savings, and will have to tap into our emergency funds.
  • We have a huge house that we don't need right now. We can't afford to sell the house in this market, though.
  • We have horrible spending habits that we can't reign in.

I'm a tad overwhelmed and find myself becoming lazy, instead of driven. I used to be so organized and productive. Now, I'm a slob and just waste time.

I used to be surrounded by friends and activities, and now we have no close friends and only occasionally do things with other people.

What on earth am I supposed to do?

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Old 05-31-2007, 08:23 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 1,400
Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: Need to vent...

hi river,
we all make some mistakes along the way, life isn't always easy, and sometimes we lose control of ourselves and over the situation. it's good that you're realizing this sooner than later, and you still have time to do something about it.
1. get your finances in order. stop spending money you DON"T HAVE. cut out most of your credit cards and keep one or two for emergencies, and keep paying the rest. talk to an officer or a credit card bureau where they can work out something with you and you can pay as much as you can until you get back on your feet again (you dont' want to screw up your credit record too much). This is the most important thing to do right now, to get yourself out of this hole!!!!!
2. since you're the ony one who has the possibility of working again, and your boss wants you back, i'd give much consideration to going where the job is!!!!!! many people do that nowadays. nothing stays the same. yes, you'd have to leave the extended family behind (maybe not forever, but you gotta get out of this mess, and if it means relocating, SO BE IT!!!!!). if that job paid well, and you're likely to return to the same pay, i would encourage you and your wife to go for it. after all, you've tried your best where you currently live, and ....
3. your wife is pregnant again. that means you will need more income coming in for the next child in your lives.
4. the thing about the house is tricky. since you can't take it with you, is it possible to "rent it out" for some time? i guess it all depends on how far your past job is from the place you're currently living at.

of course you're becoming unmotivated (not lazy)...because you can't see a way out of this...but there is a way river, there is. i hope other people will post here and give you more suggestions. but i wish you much luck and i hope the right path will open up to you very soon.
blessings to you!
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...

Old 05-31-2007, 08:27 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: ontario
Posts: 3,762
Blog Entries: 1
trg247 HB Usertrg247 HB Usertrg247 HB User
Re: Need to vent...

You definately have a lot on your plate. Is your old job really far away? Does your wife have a better chance of gaining employment where your old job is? Would the sale of your home cause more of a loss then taking your old job would bring up your income? I hope you know what I mean. As for the insurance I do not have a clue I am Canadian and we do not deal in such manners. Your difficulties definately have a solution but you and your wife will have to make some tough choices. Bad spending habits are habits that can be broken it just takes some willpower. I probaly did not help here but hopefully it has changed your view on things.

take care
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Current Meds

Old 05-31-2007, 10:08 PM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Co
Posts: 208
justlilme HB User
Re: Need to vent...

I know how frustrating health insurance can be. I used to work requesting insurance authorizations for patients and their needed treatments. I find it very sad how some people won't get approved for desperately needed procedures. When we got pregnant with our first, our insurance didn't cover us for the same reason yours won't, because it's a preexisting condition. What the heck kind of excuse is that?! So we paid cash and when the pediatrician came in to check on the baby in the hospital, she made a smart a** comment about us not having insurance, and treated us like we were irresponsible young parents. The nerve!

Dakota gave some great advice. Cut down on expenditures. Buy only what you need. You can rent your house out and rent a cheaper apt. If you can't find a decent job where you're currently at near family, then you may want to consider relocating to your old job. Come here on the board and vent all you want; we're here for you. But hang in there and take one day at a time to prevent yourself from getting overwhelmed. Things will turn up soon.

Old 06-01-2007, 05:56 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,006
Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Need to vent...

Tiger, you sound like you are overwhelmed and this is what is slowing you down and making you less driven. I can get this way too. Focus and make a plan. You can do this.

Old 06-01-2007, 06:54 AM   #6
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 2
river_tiger HB User
Re: Need to vent...

Thanks for the kind replies.

The job is a long way away. We are in South Georgia, the job is in Richmond, VA. I've lived as far away as Seattle, so moving isn't the issue. In fact, I'd welcome a change of scenery. We just didn't really like Richmond. Atlanta, Charleston, Orlando, etc... are options for jobs.

We don't really have credit card debt right now, but we do have a big mortgage and a car payment. We could potentially sell the house and net maybe 10-20k on it. But most likely not... builders have dropped the price of brand new houses here to the price most people would need to sell their used houses for. Ugh.

The wife will have a job this fall, as she is returning to teaching. That will cover us with insurance, too. However, we won't know for sure for a couple months. That will be a huge relief for us.

I guess I have this idea in my head that we live in the Leave it to Beaver world where people live in the same place forever. That would be nice. As it is, every friend we've ever gotten close to here moves away. It's almost pointless.

We definitely need a plan of action...

Old 06-01-2007, 12:05 PM   #7
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MI
Posts: 260
jujubeez725 HB User
Re: Need to vent...


You and you wife should sit down and discuss a "budget".

I'm sure she's aware that you all are trying to "streamline" your finances, so I would take it that she'll agree w/you on that; it will just be a matter of what expenses will get the ax and where you can spend the least to get the most.

A good idea would be to leave the credit cards alone unless you have an emergency. They will come in handy, but you want to have as much credit available as possible, b/c you never can tell what you're going to need in an emergency.

I don't know if you have a Cosco's by you or a Sam's Warehouse Club or whatever, but you'll do well to buy in bulk. Purchase your basic items so that you won't have to keep going back to the supermarket. That's why I love bulk shopping! It's comes in handy when you have kids and you have to pack lunches.
It's also a good bargain for your household cleaning items and personal grooming products.

I've found a nice way for kids to cool off during those hot days outside: rather than spending $$ on popsicles, fill up ice trays w/their favorite juice; or let it get semi-frozen and give them a spoon!

Just a suggestion...

When you and your wife come to a plan for your finances and you both stick to it, you'll see light at the end of the tunnel.

I'd take the job offer your former employer has been wooing you on... remember, something's better than nothing!

It'll work out for you.

Last edited by jujubeez725; 06-01-2007 at 12:08 PM.

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