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something i would like to share

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Old 08-15-2007, 06:00 AM   #1
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: great britian
Posts: 15
bethanymay HB User
something i would like to share

As you know from previous posts i have writtenMy husband has decided to leave me He has major depressive disorder..............We are going our separate ways on 25th August............ After many tears and begging him to Just give us a chance he is adamant this is the way he wants it................

Last night my daughter (17) wrote a letter and put it on his bedside table so he could read it when he woke up.(I am still sleeping on the sofa and know nothing about this..............

I would like to share that letter with you it said............

I know you are going through a difficult time at the moment,so i dont want to bother you with saying it.
I know you need to go but cant you go for a holiday and come back?
I dont want you leave ,your the closest person ive had for a long time that acts like a dad to me.
If its me and mum that makes you mad we can change,i just dont want you to leave us and you make us happy
But if you do decide to leave please can you not say goodbye to me as i will cry.
And remember we love you and care about you and there will always be a place for you with us

He came down stairs with the letter and said .I know i should be upset but i cant feel anything and went to golf!!!!!(his day off)

I hope one day he reads that again when he is better and he breaks his heart for what he has done to this family.. Oh i know he is ill He just refuses to try,refuses to stop drinking and there comes a point when that old chestnut wears a little thin........Anyway off to pack some more and get this anger out my system . Beth

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Old 08-15-2007, 07:17 AM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 292
even_sly HB User
Re: something i would like to share

((((((((((((((((((((Beth)))))))))))))))) )))))))

How heartbreaking... The letter your daughter wrote? I'm so sorry... GOOD for her for speaking her truth to him, though. And yes, maybe he will read the letter again...

Alcoholism is an AWFUL disease. It makes people not care, I think. Once he gets that under control, he will probably realize what he lost... By losing you guys. Sounds as if he's not ready yet.

It's too bad.

I'm sorry... Love, light and blessings to you ~ Sly
"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." ~ Lao Tzu

Old 08-15-2007, 07:30 AM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ireland
Posts: 70
Maneka5* HB User
Thumbs up Re: something i would like to share

Maneka here, ive just read your last post, im so sorry for the way things have developed between you and your husband. The last i remember your husband was removing his trousers in the garden. It looks like he has made a decision of some kind, although he isnt sharing it with you. I hope you dont mind me saying this but even at the very depths of my depression i was still aware of the effect it was having on those around me. That is I was aware, even though i didnt have any real emotions about it. So i can understand when your husband said he cant feel anything. My sister had her first baby and i didnt go to visit her for months and she lives 30 miles from here. I was aware of other peoples' feelings but had no emotions.
Fortunately, i came out of it with time and spoke to my mother about my depression for the first time. I just pray that those closest to me will remain patient and understanding because to be honest that is all they can do for me.
Im saying this because you couldnt believe how emotionless he was and because i know first hand that nothing, absolutely nothing will get through. The tears and the endless one sided conversations wont do anything Bethanmay. It only hurts you. You need to think about yourself and your daughter. Dont stop communicating with him by all means, but pleading and crying hurts only you.
Why are you moving out of your own house? If its to be with your other children, well and good but dont do it to accommodate him. You didnt cause this, depression or no depression. And please don't be a fool for ANYBODY. Reading back, it seems im sending you mixed signals. What im trying to say is that even though your husband feels nothing, he is still aware of the effect that all of this is having on your marriage. Sooner or later he must take responsibility for this. Dont make excuses for him. If he really wants to split then let him be the one to take action and move out. Let him be accountable for his actions.

Mind yourself.

Talk to you soon

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