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I need some advice, please keep an open mind

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Old 08-15-2007, 04:22 PM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: charlotte
Posts: 8
Dragon041906 HB User
I need some advice, please keep an open mind

My husband and I have been through a lot, I left him 2 times, and Im in the 2nd time now. He can be loving and can be as you would say a normal husband. We have a child, and the reason I left him was because I was tired of him saying he would never get mad and hit me or choke me ever again. I guess I dont help in the matters I like to get on his bad side too. I just dont want my daughter to witness our fighting, and for a while towards the end we were fighting a lot. Hes not responsible, with money, and at times taking care of our daughter. I met someone new, and are now living with him. My husband and I have been seperated for quite sometime. The new guy treats me like a queen as well as my daughter, he is one of the "rare" ones, however, Im ruining it with my depression. For the past 4 months, I have been living with this man, I have found myself in a deep deep depression, where I find it hopeless to go on day by day. I find myself snapping at the new guy, and getting mad at him for what ever reason I dont know. I feel that maybe Im just missing my husband. I even have divorce papers that I have yet to give him. I feel like at times, I just want to end it all, but my daughter is what keeps me going, but it doesnt help the anger. I dont believe in my lifetime have I ever felt this way. I love my husband still. But I dont know if I should go back. I left once before, because he would never change, I gave in and trusted him. But, he let me down. When I was pregnant, with our daughter, one morning he came home from work, and we got into a fight, he got so mad he choked me, and threw me up against the wall. He wouldnt let me go across the street for help either. That night I went to the hospital because I couldnt feel her move. She was fine, but, the cops wanted me to press charges. I didnt. But I should have. It would have taught him a lesson. I just dont know what to do, and I dont know whats making me this way. So depressed I cant do anything, so depressed and angry I destroying everything. What do you have for advice. Regarding my depression. I have taken everything. Found Cymbalta to give me more suicidal thoughts. Im on welbutrin now, not helping. Even when dosage is raised. The other thing, how can one follow their heart when their heart is confused? I need help with my decisions. What would you do? Could this be the reason of my severe depression? I need help...

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Old 08-16-2007, 05:09 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Canada
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mycatwillow HB User
Re: I need some advice, please keep an open mind


I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I've never been in an abusive relationship, but if your husband is abusive, I doubt he's going to change unless he gets some serious help.

You need to worry about yourself right now. Are you telling your doctor about your medication concerns? Have you ever been depressed before? I think therapy may really help.

Bottom line no one can make your decision for you. Certainly I can only give you my opinion, but I think you need to make your daughter and yourself your top priorities.

Last edited by mycatwillow; 08-16-2007 at 05:09 AM.

Old 08-16-2007, 05:44 AM   #3
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Location: cape coral, FL
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bevann26 HB Userbevann26 HB Userbevann26 HB User
Re: I need some advice, please keep an open mind

i was really upset by your post. please remember that a man should never, never, hit a woman! there is never a reason to do this whether it is during a verbal argument or whatever. also, remember that love should not hurt!
please remain away from that man.........bevann

Old 08-16-2007, 09:00 AM   #4
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Kansas
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Jocelyne HB User
Re: I need some advice, please keep an open mind

There is no such thing as love from a man who can hit and choke his wife, and moreover, do it while she is pregnant. No darling, no matter how loving he seems to be, violence is the opposite sign. Loving person will never hit his wife, whether she is pregnant or not. Whatever she did. Once violence starts in a family it will never go away on its own. Either your husband must seriously think of what he did, and maybe go and take some therapy against violence, else divorce is the choice. Now, since you have a daughter, you must also think of her, because she will take it inside watching her mom being hit by her dad. Children are so sensitive, she will suffer as well. And who knows, maybe some day your husband will beat your daughter. How are you going to tolerate that?

Old 08-16-2007, 11:09 AM   #5
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: russellville, arkansas, usa
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jendg28 HB User
Re: I need some advice, please keep an open mind

I found that stress and change can be a depression trigger for me. Sometimes you have to try several medications before you find the right one for you. It can also take several weeks, sometimes a month for meds to start working to their full potential. Are you in therapy? You have been through a lot and seeking help from a therapist would probably help you cope with these changes and stressors in your life. Please don't go back to your husband. For your sake and the sake of your child. Sometimes, when children grow up in abusive homes they grow up thinking abuse is okay. Sometimes they will go on to be abusive themselves, sometimes they will be the ones becoming abused. Good luck and please hang in there. You are grieving and it takes time to heal.

Old 08-18-2007, 05:29 PM   #6
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: charlotte
Posts: 8
Dragon041906 HB User
Re: I need some advice, please keep an open mind

I have had depression before but not this bad. I have been on many different meds, cymbalta, prozac, welbutrin, lexapro, paxil. I need something that will help me. Ive been in therapy before, and I feel that really helped me more than meds, I have anxiety. Panic attacks. Take xanax, ativan and klonopin for it. I have recently been diagnosed with sleep apnea, use my machine, and still feel no different mentally. I dont know why Im so depressed, I dont know if it is because I miss my husband. I feel like I just need to be alone. Thank you guys for listening, and giving your advice. I really appreciate it.

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