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Depression advice needed

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Old 09-01-2007, 11:09 PM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: canada
Posts: 1
shmee HB User
Depression advice needed

Hello, this is my first post here. I am not writing this for myself but for a friend. I am in need of advice. I am sure that this post may be long, sorry about that. Here is my story/problem. I think this is in the right area of this site.

I am 24, I started seeing this girl who is a nurse a bit over two years ago. I worked at a hospital with her. We went out for 3-4 months. When we were going out I was playing hockey three nights a week and she did kickboxing three nights a week. They were all on opposite nights. We just never had time to see each other. We decided mutually that it would better that we just stay as friends. She had became one my best friends. She is more of a quiet, keep everything to herself kind of person. She told me that she has depression but I didnít ask her anything about it. I didnít know that it is that serious of a deal. I just thaught that she would be more sad than most people cause of it. As you can see I donít know anything about depression.

Last October she told everyone that she was moving to BC. I live in Ontario. She has a brother who lives there and was able to get a job set up for her in nursing before she went there. She was just saying that she wanted a fresh start. No one really knew why she was going.

We would keep in contact by phone and e-mail. When she first moved there it was about once a week then it just faded away to once a month or so. I still had feelings for her still. She is the nicest girl I have ever met. She is just perfect. I had never told her that just cause we were great friends and didnít want to make our friendship awkward at all. Then about 4-5 months back we started to talk a bit more. Once every other week or so. Then we had a conversation about how much we both still like each other. We were both feeling the same thing. It was a great feeling.

Now here is where the problems start. I just started to see this girl about a week before our conversation. I kept on seeing her just cause one is in my city the other is across Canada. The one here is another great person. She is just beautiful, a 10 for sure. I had gone up to her parents cottage a few times and their cottage is worth five million dollars. She was and had everything any man could dream of. I would do stuff with her at night and then get in at like midnight or so and call up my friend in BC. She is three hours behind. I would talk to her for over an hour. We have been talking for like the last three months for sure once, usually twice a week for over an hour each time. I would then lie in bed thinking what am I doing? I like the girl in BC so much more but what I am doing with the girl here, it is just not fair for her. I am with her but my heart is with someone else. I had ended it about a month ago and we are still friends. I had told her the whole situation.

OK, now on to the story and no more background stuff. She is here visiting her parents, friends and me. It is her first time beck here since November when she left. We are also trying to figure out what is going on between us. We had hung out a few times since she has been here. She was going to sleep over at my place the other night. I was thinking that it would be great, we will have sex. What we had was better. We had a big conversation. She had a big bandage on her wrist. I had asked her when I first saw her when she got here what happened. She said that she got a bad burn and had to wear the bandage. I asked her the other night about her burn and how bad it was and she started to cry. She took off the bandage and showed me her wrist. She had cut herself about ten times. She said it was not a suicide attempt. She said that she didnít know why she did it but it just felt good at the time. She did it last October and was so embarrassed and regretted it so much that she just moved away. She also told me all about her depression and how she has suffered from it since 14. I know nothing about suffering from depression and she had to explain how hard it is at times. How she just wants to climb into a dark hole and hide and never be see again. She is taking medication for it. Things are going great with us since she has been here for the last week and a half. I am going out to see her for ten days in late October. She has bought a house out there since she has moved there and is planning on living there for a long time. We are best of friends now. We have both said that we could see each other being together and getting married and children. I had asked her if she would ever move back and she said probably not. Just because of her wrist and only a handful of people know the real truth to it. She is just to embarrassed about it.

OK, here is the thing. She had just told me the other day that since she has moved away she is so lonely. Just has very few friends out there and doesnít know that many people. She has thaught about suicide a few times. She said that it is cause of the depression. Now I care for this a girl a whole lot. The only way a relationship could work is if I was to move away from my family, friends and work to be with her. Also, from a guys point of view if I had met a girl with scars on her wrist from cutting it I would want anything to do with her. I am just afraid that she will be more lonely and cause more depression and possably suicide. I can totally see past what her wrist looks like. I have known her before she had cut it and know the real her. It hurts me to see that on such a great person. She told me that she became a nurse to help people because she could understand where they are coming from. So now I am stuck with what to do. I am very worried about her. I am going out to see her for ten days in about two months. We are also going away to a resort in February together for a week. If things are going great do I move away from everything great in my life now? I would hate to leave family, friends and work but it would be very much worth it if works out with us. I just want to be there for her.

Any advice? Anyone else on her just to learn about helping others that they care about? What helps when dealing with someone with depression? Does talking about it cause you to be more depressed or does it feel good talking about it? Any help is great help and sorry for the long read.

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Old 09-02-2007, 01:55 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: ontario
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trg247 HB Usertrg247 HB Usertrg247 HB User
Re: Depression advice needed


Somewhere through your post you lost me. A person with depression is still a person. Depression is treatable it just takes time. Self injury is not uncommon some people do it one time or others will never really let go of it. You will find a lot of people in helping professions have a past that links to their chosen career either because someone had helped them and they wanted to be able to do that or nobody helped them and they wanted to be in a position to help. If this is the woman you want to be with then you will do whatever it takes to make it work. By talking to her you will learn how she thinks and what her hopes are. Not all depression can be cured by talk therapy sometimes it is chemical and medication becomes neccesary. Just a personal note if the person I want to spend the rest of my life with has any kind of mental illness it would not effect me as it is the person I want and not the illness that is clouding the view. Right now your contemplating making a major move and I think your stuck on this one point, if she is the one then this will be the easiest decision you will ever make if your looking for reasons not to go through with it then chances are that is your answer.

Sorry this is all over the place I normaly do not answer posts of this nature.

take care
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Current Meds

Old 09-02-2007, 04:00 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 733
Seymour93 HB User
Re: Depression advice needed

Personally.....I think caution is advised until she is well along on her path to wellness.....This kind of relationship is tough....Good luck!

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