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    Old 12-07-2007, 07:17 PM   #1
    Goya123
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    Don't want to feel better?

    I have a problem finding motivation to feel better. Does this resonate with anyone? It's as though I can't imagine the goal, the "better"--that the idea of "happiness" is just not alluring enough to expend all that energy trying to improve my mood/life.

     
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    Old 12-08-2007, 12:53 AM   #2
    trg247
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    Re: Don't want to feel better?

    Hi:

    this is just a guess so don't take it the wrong way. I think you might have focused on how difficult the fight to get to the happiness is so you have lowered the expectation of what the outcome could be so you don't need to fight as hard. this actually makes complete sense to me but not sure if it will for you.

    take care
    trg247
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    Old 12-08-2007, 08:41 AM   #3
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    Re: Don't want to feel better?

    Hi Goya....

    When mired in depression, it is very difficult to imagine ever feeling any other way.

    If you are willing to put in the work, and the time to do the work.....when you come out the other side, it will be worth it.

    It makes me happy just not being where I used to be...I think about it now, and vow to myself, that I'll never go there again. It might happen, it might not. Life is a crapshoot.

    If you ever get there, you may be surprised at the things that make you happy....some might be things that you wouldn't even think of now.

    Lil

     
    Old 12-08-2007, 09:06 AM   #4
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    Re: Don't want to feel better?

    I sometimes feel like there is no point in getting better because there isn't much point to life. I wouldn't say I have a bad life and feel blessed in a lot of ways, but daily life is full of stress and ups and downs. A lot of times I just don't feel my life is worthwhile - I'm not a people person, and not someone that has the connective energy. Also, humankind has done so much damage to the Earth and to other humans and animals. I feel the less humans in the world the better, so I struggle with justifying my own existence and trying to keep going. That is basically for my family's sake since me being down brings them down, and if I were to harm myself, it would devastate them. I don't know why humans value their own lives so much and have the strength to keep positive attitudes and succeed - I don't have that survival instinct. I see life as preparation for the Afterlife and try to be a good person and all that, but I often wish I could just fast-forward time. If I had a more fulfilling life - job of my dreams (which I don't even know what that would be), a great husband, more financial stability, I think it would give me a lot more motivation to feel better.

     
    Old 12-08-2007, 09:18 AM   #5
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    Re: Don't want to feel better?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sunshine0806 View Post
    I sometimes feel like there is no point in getting better because there isn't much point to life. I wouldn't say I have a bad life and feel blessed in a lot of ways, but daily life is full of stress and ups and downs. A lot of times I just don't feel my life is worthwhile - I'm not a people person, and not someone that has the connective energy. Also, humankind has done so much damage to the Earth and to other humans and animals. I feel the less humans in the world the better, so I struggle with justifying my own existence and trying to keep going. That is basically for my family's sake since me being down brings them down, and if I were to harm myself, it would devastate them. I don't know why humans value their own lives so much and have the strength to keep positive attitudes and succeed - I don't have that survival instinct. I see life as preparation for the Afterlife and try to be a good person and all that, but I often wish I could just fast-forward time. If I had a more fulfilling life - job of my dreams (which I don't even know what that would be), a great husband, more financial stability, I think it would give me a lot more motivation to feel better.
    I'll tell you something that holds true for me, even today...not depressed.

    I cannot wear dark brown or dark green sunglasses, as it looks like the sky is filled with smog....I have to wear blue lensed sunglasses. That is how sensitive I am....I could go on.....

    A good job...etc.....are very rewarding, but will not give you true happiness.

    I had all that...didn't work.

    If you are thinking negatively, you could be married to Brad Pitt...be the highest paid supermodel on earth work for PETA part time, and still be miserable......Sound kinda like somebody that has that job already?

    It's all in your thinking....CBT will help....but you have to want to get better.

    Lil

     
    Old 12-08-2007, 05:07 PM   #6
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    Re: Don't want to feel better?

    Goya, are you thinking you "should be able" to motivate yourself out of your mood? I'm not saying you can't. And there is, I believe, a point where all the positive thinking and vitamins and exercise are not going to be enough to help.

    At some point, therapy and/or meds become ...more effective. Or maybe I mean additionally effective. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, one or the other. But my experience has been that once I was taking an appropriate med, the motivation and stuff seemed to float up, from within, as I also rose up from the depression. Does that make sense? As the antidepressant improved my mood, my motivation improved as well. (the holiday stress is putting something of a ding in all this, but January is not far around the corner)

     
    Old 12-09-2007, 06:32 AM   #7
    Goya123
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    Re: Don't want to feel better?

    Thanks for adding all of your experiences! I think not feeling motivated seems like it would be fairly common, but I just hadn't been able to find a lot of information or personal stories to corroborate--it's quite nice to actually see "Me too!"s.

    As far as medication goes, I doubt I'd be a good candidate--I think I'm more of a depressive "lite", perhaps; just some relatively mild depressive tendencies that have been been brought to the fore because of recent life circumstances. Thank you, of course, for sharing and offering advice.

    And yes, as someone commented earlier, I think it's mostly just the distance from feeling better that makes it difficult to try to attain that goal--that "better" is so difficult to imagine at this point, just as how I feel now is difficult to get in touch with when I am feeling up.

     
    Old 12-17-2007, 01:25 PM   #8
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    Re: Don't want to feel better?

    Hi there! I'll admit that I used to not care about being happy and didn't feel that I deserved it.. I would beat myself up over any problem and would think I deserve to be miserable. I don't know what my type of depression would fall under, but it's for no one reason in particular. I just get that way. I am able to do my everyday activities, but I was not finding joy in life as much, was very gloomy, and was hurting myself. I tried antidepressants and all they did was make me so sleepy that I did not feel anything... they more MASKED the problem than fixed it for me. My big thing was changing how I thought... and yes, therapy can help, but it was something that just took time for me, and I'm still working on it. I've been reading some motivational books to make me realize that we are given the gift of life and I wasn't accepting it.. I was being selfish and by letting myself be that way! I never looked at it this way and it gave me a new perspective. Little by little, I realize that nothing is ever perfect, but just to make the most out of what you do have. I used to get upset because I really don't have many close friends and would feel down anytime I saw people that had what I didn't. I have to remember that I need to learn to be happy on my OWN and then it will come to me later on when the time is right.

    There's no easy answer... but just don't push yourself too much! Then of course it will seem like there's no point because of all the work. Just try to stay relaxed and enjoy the little things in life.. take some time out for yourself to relax and do things you enjoy on your own. Try to stay away from negative people, or just think in your head that they are having a bad day and just to ignore it. With time, I think it becomes easier... antidepressants don't work for EVERYBODY, so it's really a choice to make to try them or not. I know my problem is how I think and I know antidepressants are not going to magically change that in my case.

    Good luck to you!

     
    Old 12-22-2007, 08:02 PM   #9
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    Re: Don't want to feel better?

    This may sound strange, but during the course of my struggle with depression, I have found myself in ruts where I think "What would I do with myself if I wasn't depressed, thus have an excuse for everything." Why I didn't go to college right out of high school, why I don't work, why I am on disability, etc. (Luckily in that dept. I also have cerebral palsy so people think the reason I am on SSD is that.) I fear losing my identity that I have had since my early teens, a depressed person. I don't know what it's like to be truly happy, not sure I could deal with it, etc. I really identified with my illness. So much so that it BECAME me. I am only now able to realize that I am a person who has depression. Not a person who is depressed. To get yourself out of that feeling, try approaching the way you talk about your illness in a different way. I still struggle with this, yes, but for the most part it has really helped.

    Kelly
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