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It is my birthday and I just want to cry.

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Old 01-14-2008, 11:54 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Maryland
Posts: 400
JulJul22 HB User
It is my birthday and I just want to cry.

I am now 23 and a single mother. I have had a very stressful life but I try not to project that on to other people so for the most part I wear a happy face when around others. Dealing with abuse my entire life has left me vulnerable and afraid to be alone. My daughter’s father is a recovering addict and alcoholic that was abusive to me as well. I crowd men to the point where I push them away. As of right now, I am on a journey to self discovery as I realized that I have no interests nor succeed in following my goals. I am and have always been the 'wife' and that’s where I feel comfortable. I have fallen in love with a man and long for his love and the feeling of family. Our daughters are the same age and we have play dates. Actually that’s how we met; our girls started playing together at the park.

Me and him have had very similar lives’s including our past break ups and allot in common but, we both have those same barriers up and that’s not making it any easier to open up and move forth. I'm giving up hope and am literally sick because I'm so alone and just want a relationship and family. I’m debating whether or not to get back on Prozac.
Time does not heal. It simply provides distraction.

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Old 01-14-2008, 12:15 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: cold cold vermont
Posts: 228
bellablue2 HB User
Re: It is my birthday and I just want to cry.

Hi Happy Birthday!!

I guess you should talk to a Doctor.

Old 01-14-2008, 12:24 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,246
mary09 HB Usermary09 HB Usermary09 HB User
Re: It is my birthday and I just want to cry.

Hi Jul....
Hope you didnt think I followed you over here from the "AD&D" board.....I was talking with you on your thread on that board. I post on this board most of the time. First let me say "Happy Birthday"....although I know you are feeling very low. I know you have alot going on in your life, it's hard to be a single parent, you also have taken on the worry of your grandmother, and that doesnt leave a lot of time for relationships. My advice is to really focus on your relationship with this man, if you love him, and find out where things are going. I think you have so much going on at such a young age that you just really need someone to share with and someone to support you. Hang in there, and keep talking to him, and hopefully things will progress the way you want. But look after yourself okay?
You're not alone, this site is very good for support.....

Old 01-14-2008, 12:44 PM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Maryland
Posts: 400
JulJul22 HB User
Re: It is my birthday and I just want to cry.

Thank you all for your replies,

I just don't know what to do anymore. I understand that I have allot going on right now but I can't help but want to be normal. A family is something that I have never had. I was bounced around in foster care after social services removed us from our mother and just yearn for someone to love. I'm looking back and reflecting on my past relationships that were short lived. I have been seeing a guy for the past 8 months but primarily just 'hooking up' because he wasn't ready for a relationship and I though that if I just gave him what he wanted that he would eventually love me. That didn’t happen and I had to say good bye. I feel good about that as I would like to focus my attention on this other guy who as well, is not ready to commit. Also, the ex that left me for my sister is about to marry her and she wants me to help plan her wedding.
As I'm sitting here, I'm trying so bad to hold back tears as I am just being rejected by everyone. I haven't told any one that it's my b-day in hopes that they would remember but no body did. I don't know why I do this to myself. I am very attractive, good job, nice car, very structured. I don't know why I allow men to play games with me or why I am just so naive. I just wish for my daughter to have a sense of normalcy as well. She deserves to have a family environment. After our last play date, my daughter said that she wanted his daughter to be her sister and she wanted him to be her new step dad. I'm sure that scared him!
Time does not heal. It simply provides distraction.

Last edited by JulJul22; 01-14-2008 at 12:46 PM.

Old 01-17-2008, 06:23 AM   #5
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Bronx, New York
Posts: 305
positivity17 HB User
Re: It is my birthday and I just want to cry.

Jul, Sorry you had such a horrible birthday, hope you're feeling more upbeat, you have a lot on your plate so be gentle with yourself. Maybe getting to know this man better at a slow pace will work out to be a good thing, as for your daughter, you can only do your best in an imperfect world. You're so young and have had so much pain, allow yourself those feelings, if you help your sister than you're a bigger person than me that's for sure!! Hang in there, girl!!!

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