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Depressed? Maybe not. Just very messed up.

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Old 08-17-2008, 03:21 AM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: uk
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SophieDolly HB User
Unhappy Depressed? Maybe not. Just very messed up.

Hi all. I just thought I'd come here to vent a little as I'm feeling down..

I'm a young girl who has no friends, no family and a hundred flaws. My life has also been bad, not as bad as some people's, but bad enough to cause a disorder. I've already found a few disorders that sound like me - Body Dysmorphic disorder, dependant personality disorder and binge eating disorder. I am fat, ugly, stupid, lazy and hopeless. I have a big nose, bad teeth, frizzy/knotty hair, horrible looking hands, and I am almost obese (160lbs + 5'4''). I have extremely bad handwriting, I STILL suck my thumb for comfort (that is so embarrasing) and.. nobody likes me. No one has liked me for my whole life. I have grown up with a severely paranoid mother and no other people around, I have seen arguments, anger-filled screams and shouts to 'spies', social services in and out of our house, police visits, etc. from the age of 6. When I was 7, I got headlice. No big deal right? wrong. I got seriously infested. I had to get my hair cut and look like a boy twice. My social life went out the window, along with my self esteem. I was a mess. I hated the sight of the horrible little bugs that had ruined my life. I couldn't brush my hair because they would come out. I couldn't go to sleep, they would be scattered around my pillow when I got up. I didn't like wearing hats or putting on hoods or shirts in public because the bugs might show. My biggest fear was them showing. I would stay up all night, just so I wouldn't have to wake up to them. When they cleared up, I got a friend. A best friend. I was 10 years old and constantly pouring my heart out to her that I was fat and ugly. I would wear huge baggy clothes and ugly dresses to 'hide' my fat. I knew I was fat but I couldn't stop binging. My best friend moved away and I was alone again. I was good in school until I went to Secondary school. Now I'm dumb and I get bad marks in everything. I'm also really lazy, and I can't seem to learn anythig, even if I try studying I just give up after 10 minutes. I have no talents. I had poor hygeine but it improved, however I've now become the tramp of our class. I've been battered by all the names people call me, so much that I'm limiting myself to 400 calories a day so that I can lose weight. I also had a huge argument with my mum over money for a haircut and new school jumper so I won't be a tramp anymore. Am I getting desperate? Maybe..
And.. I don't want to grow up at all, the thought of going into that big horrible world that hates ugly fat stupid people all alone terrifies me. I want to stay a little girl forever so people will protect me and take care of me just because I'm a little girl. Sometimes I feel like time is flying past and throwing me into the future when I just want to stay the same age.. forever. If I have to grow up, I atleast want a life. I have no family here, only a mum. She has never been very enthusiastic and so all celebrations are ignored. My life is so boring, dark and miserable. Everyone I know calls me names.

Please help me.

Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 08-17-2008 at 08:39 AM.

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Old 08-17-2008, 11:56 PM   #2
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Posts: 4
AngelInTheNight HB User
Re: Depressed? Maybe not. Just very messed up.

Well, first of all, I'm sorry you have such a rough life. I don't know how I could deal with all that. Maybe you should talk to your doctor to find out if you do have some of the problems that you stated above. There are also online test that you can take, but DON'T rely on those to say whether you have something or not. They are just a guide. But I do suggest talking to a doctor. I have Depression, an eating disorder, and some other problems, myself. I was diagnosed at a pretty young age. Remember that what you may think seems very noticeable to you may not be noticeable to others. And there are good people in this world, so don't give up. I have lost many best friends from moving over the years, so I understand where you're coming from. It's not a good idea to binge, but it's not a good idea to only have 400 calories a day either. Chances are you've probably researched it, but you're supposed to have around 3,000 calories a day. Don't let people get to you, contrary to what you believe, life does get better at some point. Maybe you should try switching schools? There's always something that you can do. But whatever you do, don't give up hope.

Last edited by AngelInTheNight; 08-17-2008 at 11:58 PM.

Old 08-19-2008, 07:33 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Ireland
Posts: 24
Superspud HB User
Re: Depressed? Maybe not. Just very messed up.

I agree with the above-poster: you should talk to a doctor. Does your school offer a councelling service? Maybe that might help too.
When I was younger, I didn't have any friends either. I know how lonely it can get.
Being an adult isn't all bad though. Adults aren't nearly as judgemental as young people are. As the saying goes: children can be so cruel. I always found this to be true. When I was a child, I spent most of my days being bullied. It started when I was 7 and ended when I was 14. And even then, every now and then there'd be someone to throw an insult at me.
The internet can be a great provider of friends and counselling. If you need someone to talk to, I can offer my services to you, no problem. Remember: you don't have to be alone through this.

Last edited by Superspud; 08-19-2008 at 07:34 PM.

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