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My story - all advice welcome

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Old 10-13-2008, 07:54 PM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 4
imlonelygirl86 HB User
My story - all advice welcome

Hi, my name is Samantha and im 22, i have worked since i was 15 and absolutely love my job. i have been diagnosed with dreppression since december 2007, i have also been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome from age 16,, iwas 1stly prescribed sertaline (??) and sent to a local counceller within my surgery,, i felt that the antidepressent was not helping so it was changed to fluoxetine,, i took the fluoextine for 2 and a half months and then after that ii tried to top myself with the rest of the months worth,, i decided not to take any medication since the incident and also since i seen an article about how antidepressants can reduce fertility,, i have also decided not to go back to councellin since either as i found it made her more happier to herar good thing rather than bad so i didnt tell her the bad,, so there was no point in goin,, i havealso been prescribed metformin to try to help with wieght loss since i was diagnosed with pcos,, and stopped taking it as i never lost any weight,, also prescribed Medroxyprogesterone which i take every 3 months to give me a period,,

since i can remember i have have never been "happy",, i didnt have friends at school,, kids used to throw stones, spit, pick fights with me , ect,, i had 2 friends out side of school,, who lived on the same street but they never spoke to me at school,, was bullied at high school to,, i did have good times but i felt sad n lonely most of the time,, my mum n dad used to run the local youth club as a thot that it would maybe help me to make friends but it didnt,, i remember when we were at the youth club i was sittin in the corner doin my homework and i finished and i was board so i decided to take a page out my notebook n try and write how i was feelin,, all i could write was I HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO DIE over and over and over again,, my mum caught my so i ran to the toilets and she came after me n ripped it up and flushed it,, never spoke to me about it,, was jst hidden,,

On the 12th of april 1998 i started my periods and my mum wasnt there for me,, it was my dad who helped me,, my dad is the person i go to if i need help or feel ill or need a cuddle,, i remember when i was 5 i got a virus in my hip and i couldnt walk for 2 weeks, i screamed and screamed till my dad got home from work,, my dad is a busdriver and back then he used to work a lot,, id sometimes go to work with him,, other times he wud be away for a couple days driving coaches from edinburgh to london to aberdeen,, my mum used to ntell me that when i was a baby i would never to go sleep for hher,, she wud have to wait up for my dad to come home n get me to sleep,, My mum on the other hand is closer to my sisters,, everywhere my mum was my sisters were right there behinde her, me and my mum are are a bit like chalk and cheese,, and i admit i gave her hell where i was a teen,, made life hard for her,, but she would jst have to tell my dad and i woulkd behave,, i hated to disappoint my dad, he was the only person i felt close to,, my best friend,, i have 2 sisters both younger than me,, one is 18 and other 19 only 7 months between them,, they are so close they used to get mistaken for twins,, my papa (r.i.p) used to call them "the twins",, when we were younger i was always left out and today its the same,, they text each other all the time n i get nothing,, the oldest of the 2, jennifer,, has a flat with her fiance and the other, alex, lives with her boyfriend,, his mum,, n his sister, they are jst down the road from each other in dunbar,, i live with my fiance and his brother and parents in edinburgh,,

Kris (my fiance) Love him with all my heart,we have been together for 2 years and engaged for 3 months, we have had our problems but got thru them with each others help,, he tries his best to keep me happy but i dont think he understands how i feel,, its hard for me to explain to him about depression bcoz i dont kno myself what is wrong sometimes,, he understand about my pcos tho and says he will stand by me no matter what,, my mum and dad both love him and my dad thinks of him as the son he never had,, we are tryin to save to get married next year adn we want a baby which might be harder than we think due to pcos,,

its really hard for my to think i might not b able to have kids as that is the 1 thing in my life im sure oof,, i want to be mentally well before i try to have a baby tho,, Kris on the other hand might already b a father to a baby girl who will b 5 in january but he has only seen the kid once and he only slept with the girl once and was very drunk, she regretted it and put the baby up for adoption and no1 heard from her again and nos where she is ,, When i was diagnosed with pcos i went really depressed and i harmed myself,, i keep everything bottled up inside n one day i jst explode,, i pull my hair out i scratch myself,, i bang my head of walls,, at the time it helps me to release ewverything thats inside,, a few times i haave took it out on kris and hit him, i feel so bad about it but i cant stop myself,,

it jst boils to the point of no return,, the past month however i have been quiote good but i am scared something is brewing,, my work used to be the only place i was happy,, i could get away from everything and control myself there,, but recently there are some new members of staff who think have made complaints of bullying against me because they are much older than me i feel they think i am a silly wee lassie and i dont kno what im talkin about,,,

TODAY my mum and dad left to fly over to australia,, my mum has got a nursing job over there so they decided to emmigrate,, so now i dont have my dad to turn to and sort me out im scared something will bad will happen and go to far,, i could not go to australia as im contracted to stay with my work till jan 09,, i need some advice,, please xxx

Last edited by moderator2; 10-13-2008 at 08:25 PM.

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Old 10-14-2008, 09:47 AM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: northern california
Posts: 47
nchantng HB User
Re: My story - all advice welcome


first of all, HUGE hugs! your story really tore at my heart.

You have so much on your plate here! I'm not going to give you specific advice, thats what Dr.s are for...however, reading your story brings a few things to mind.

You should try to tackle one thing at a time. I see that you are dealing with PCOS, depression and a whole bunch of other things in your life. Take one thing at a time. First, I have not heard that fertility is affected by anti-depressant medications, even if you have PCOS. PCOS is a hormone imbalance and you will feel better ( and healthier ) if you treat that medically. Metormin is frequently prescribed to help the insulin resistance that is part of the PCOS syndrome. You may want to post on the PCOS board and ask people specifically about their experiences with this medication. It's true that PCOS can be a challlenge for people who are trying for a baby - but woman can and do get pregnant with PCOS - sometimes they need a little help but it can happen. But one thing at a time sweetie - take care of yourself first. YOU deserve that.

Maybe the antidepressant that the Dr gave you wasn't the right one. you sure have a lot on your plate with all those things that you described. It must be tough that your parents have left for Australia - here is another huge Hug for you (((((((((hug))))))))))) I think it would be a good idea to go back to your GP and really tell him/her that the antidepressant did not help, but that you are open to trying a different medication, and also some counseling. Having someone to share those issues with is really, really important. Medication can help, therapy can help, and together it can really really change your life. I'm not kidding - Medication and a lot (years) of therapy helped me. I still take medication, but I m soooooo much better than I was years ago, and I had suffered since I was a child.

Please don't fell like there is nowhere to turn - there is this board to start with, and if you are in a big city like Edinburgh, you should be able to get some support. Get out the phone book and look up support organizations, if you are religious, ask your minister or priest, talk to a medical professional, call a support line, please reach out for help.

I'm sending all the support I can from California - you know how much of a small world it is? my family traces back to central Fife! you can tell my heritage by my name. Hugs from Heather in California xoxo

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