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am I being unreasonable

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Old 11-25-2008, 05:10 AM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: London, UK
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ChickPea71 HB User
am I being unreasonable

Hi all,

A few weeks ago I noticed the weight of depression coming over very slowly, possibly because I have reduced of my dose of Effexor. The often develop the physical symptoms first (cronic fatigue, painfull joints, muscles, headaches) followed by the mental ones. I have been quite a social hermit and avoided friends recently, one of which I've avioded because I feel she has little tollerance if and when I get depressed.

I have noticed how she treats another one of her friends, whom she has no time for anymore because she has also been suffering with depression, but my friend even makes a bit of a joke of the fact that she doesn't answer her calls and emails because she has not time for her now. I noticed she has stopped contact with me even though she was overly affectionate when I bumped in to her a couple of weeks ago, saying how I should go round to her house in the evenings, however I have lost count of the number of times that she has offered that yet it never actually happened.

We saw each other at the weekend and eventually commented about me, by saing that we all get like that, and was quite dismissive.

She keeps telling me what a good friend she is but I have noticed how she can be very insincere, am I being unreasonable to feel unsupported by her because she dismisses my condition.

At least today I feel a little stronger.

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Old 11-25-2008, 05:21 AM   #2
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Re: am I being unreasonable

You are not being unreasonable. Having said that, there are people who just cannot handle being around people who may need them for support. I don't know whether it is fear of 'putting her foot in it', or selfishness. Whichever, she is not a person you can count on for any support. Accept her for who she is, and when you are feeling better, you can appreciate the things you like about her. Just cross her off your support network list. Sera.

Old 11-25-2008, 02:51 PM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: London, UK
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ChickPea71 HB User
Re: am I being unreasonable

You are right, that is what makes it even harder to come to terms with. She keeps telling me what a good friend she is so when she dismisses me I feel like it's justified. She keeps going on about how other people have bad manners and are so selfish yet she is completly terrible herself.

The horrid thing is that if I avoid her for the time I need to avoid her she gets moody and makes it such an issue when I start to spend time with her again.

When I tried to explain to her that I was too tired to move for days on end, and that my joints were in pain, she just thinks I am making it up, and says 'well I get tired too, we all get tired' errr like when you are out late but of course there is no way I can take the conversation further.

Old 11-27-2008, 02:24 PM   #4
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1
valerielampshad HB User
Re: am I being unreasonable


I appreciate what you are going through with your friend -I have experienced a similar problem with a particular supposedly "best friend". However, as someone has already advised you, she is I would think someone you need to cross off your "close friend" network. She will not be able to understand why, as she is not able to handle your depression for whatever reason, but if you are pleasant and civil to her then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Unfortunately having depression requires really good friends. Some people are just not up to it.

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