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_Paul 02-07-2009 02:57 AM

Hi Everyone,

I am new to the boards, but reading some of the posts i am finding i can really relate.

I am struggling with stress/depression. I think it all stems from my work. About 9 months ago now i had a major panic attack at work, i just felt like i could not do the work and i could not cope. I started to hyperventilate. Anyway i was signed off work for 2 weeks with stress and put on Citalpram. It has not been the same since this first breakdown. I have had 2 more breakdown since the first, the second of which my legs gave way and i fell to the floor.

I am back at work now but still really not coping. I have been back and forth to the doctors and tried telephone councilling, but nothing helps. I went back to the doc 2 days ago and he has increased my AD's to 45mg of Mirtazapine, so i hope this helps.

I feel that since my first breakdown, it is so easy to give in, not cope and panic than prior to my breakdown. This stress has caused terrible depression. I took three days holiday last week just because i could not bear to go to work. I did nothing but stare at the wall at home. I used to have such motivation to do jobs around the house and spend time with my children, it is now a struggle for me to get out of bed. I have started drinking everyday, i was always liked my alcohol but nowadays i need it as a form of relief.

I loath going to work each day, i am depressed at home in the evening because of the thought of work the next day. When i actually get to work each day i feel physically sick. My bosses for the most have been good, and usually give me no pressure jobs, but i am finding i put pressure on myself. I feel like i can't cope with any job and that i am not good enough to do the work anymore, which is a little strange since i have been doing the same work for 11 years now. It is terrible it's ruining my life, i feel so guilty because i know my wife is being so supportive and i realise i am not doing enough around the house or with my children but i just can't get my mind from thinking negative thought. My problem is i think to much, i really wish i could stop my mind from wandering each day and just concentrate on my work. My working day seems so long because i focus on the negative all the time. This stress/depression is effects my entire life and i know i should concentrate on the now, but i keep thinking how will i cope with another 30 years of working life.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on. It just feels good to vent my feelings and share with other similar minded people.

Many thanks

Seraph 02-07-2009 03:32 AM

Re: Depression/Stress
Your work has been OK for eleven years and is stressing you out now? What has changed? It sounds so sudden and out of the blue. Have you had a full physical checkup? Certain conditions can, in their early stages, cause mood swings like this, auto-immune diseases, some neurological conditions, and so on. has your doctor ruled out anything like this? Do you have a racing pulse,have you lost weight, feel jangly and irritable? Thyroid hormone is another thing that can build up to a level that can cause a panic attack. If you have had all this ruled out, then it is a question of finding the right medication for you. Sera.

Matt321 02-07-2009 05:55 AM

Re: Depression/Stress
I too have had a panic attack at work which left me unable to function, what was even worse is I had to keep trying to work (took a 30 minute or so break, then forced myself back up.. struggled that whole day/night lol) because of guilt I had of being unworthy, I felt the need to prove myself as the hardest worker and not let anybody down.

My tips would be:

-keep a bottle of benadryl around (if I'm not allowed to say benadryl I apologize) just encase you have panic attack like symptoms
-keep eating healthy, self esteem can go a long way and feeling good always helps ;)
-pace yourself, giving yourself impossible tasks in a certain time frame can cause a great deal of stress, try to take it easy if you aren't trying that already

My heart goes out to you and I hope you can get over this unpleasant but ever so persistent hump.

-god bless

_Paul 02-07-2009 11:47 AM

Re: Depression/Stress
Thanks for your replies Matt and Sera,

Sera, i am not sure whether there could be another underline cause. I am alot more short tempered nowadays but that could just be because i am unhappy. I am not so sure that stress from my job has come along all of a sudden. I am a very nervous person by nature and have always found it a lot of effort to stay calm and not stress out. In my entire 11 years at work i have never found it easy and have always had to work really hard and not panicking. I think it just went to far on this one occasion and now i am struggling to make it back to the position i was in prior to my episode.

Matt, it is good to hear someone who can relate to exactly what i am going through. Do you feel alot better now?, do you cope well with work nowadays? I really hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. I wish i could go to work and focus on the job in hand and not spend most of my working day worrying about how i can't cope.

Many thanks to you both for your advice.


granny0 02-07-2009 03:13 PM

Re: Depression/Stress
Hi Paul,

I'm right there with you buddy. I've been at my job for 18 yrs and in the same business for 30. Simply put, I hate my job. I've always been able to deal with it until the past few months. We became extremely busy. My co tripled our production branches but did not add on to the support staff, one of which I am. Me and my co-workers have been working massive hours overtime. I just got home from putting yet another almost full day in on a Saturday. I worked from home last Saturday and in the office last Sunday. It is affecting me both physically and emotionally in a big way. I made a plea to my boss for help after working 6 hours last Sunday with a 101. fever. What a disaster that turned out to be and I regret it tremendously. (note - boss puts in no ot)

I really don't have any advise for you. Just want you to know you are not alone in the struggle to survive work. I hope things improve for you soon.


_Paul 02-08-2009 09:05 AM

Re: Depression/Stress
Hi JB,

Thanks for your message. It is good to hear someone who can relate to me. You make me feel a little guilty, i am struggling with a 40 hour week and you are putting in so many hours. I can't really understand what is up with me, 1 year ago i would work long hours at work and i was given a laptop to put in hours at home. I had no problem about putting in extra hours at home for money, nowadays i can't cope with my basic hours. I loath going to work each day, i don't know if being stressed out has ruined it for me. I do wonder if not coping has made me give up, and have a negative attitude to work. If i really think, i know the job is not that bad, but there will be no telling me this tomorrow when i turn up for a days work.

Anyway thanks for listening


Kiasmama 02-08-2009 10:01 AM

Re: Depression/Stress
Paul, take the advice for a full physical. Many medical conditions can cause these symptoms. You have to rule those out before you start thinking that it's a mental issue.

_Paul 02-08-2009 12:55 PM

Re: Depression/Stress

I had a full physical when i was 30. I have high blood pressure and thought it was time i made sure i was looking after myself for my children. Anyway, the full physical i received was height, weight and blood pressure. If i needed more than this, tests etc, i think i would need to ask for these test from my doc. My doc wants to treat me with meds and monitor me on a regular basis. I don't think he would have even considered any other underlining cause.

Many thanks

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