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  • I wished my lonely life in hell would end!

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    Old 02-24-2009, 11:13 AM   #1
    kerrylouise
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    I wished my lonely life in hell would end!

    Hi guys n gals, I thought I would share my story with the world to try an help some one else.

    I was born in 1986 to a mother who is mentally unstable due to lack of oxygen at birth and to a father who was in and out of jail for petty things and also had been accused of pedophilia against a few different girls. my four year old sister was my carer - making my bottles, changing my nappies and putting me to bed every day. When I was only a year and a half (my sister five and a half) the children services in England stepped in and removed us two girls from our home in London and we were then placed into care of foster homes. This went on for a year and a half and my mother was given a choice of staying with my father and handing us girls over to care for good or losing us and staying with my father. She did the best thing for us girls by giving us up. At 3 (my sister 7) we flew to Australia to live with my aunt and uncle.

    Our new life was great up until I was 7yrs old when I lost my granddad to cancer (he was my rock). after this my sister would constantly do stuff like steal from family and get me to say it was me. Then trouble started just before I turned 11 yrs old. My sister (15) went to school and didnt return she had run away and had also accused my uncle (now my adoptive father) of pedophilia. There were lots of police and family children services (now know as DCP) workers interviewing my whole family and me. From this moment I dont remember much more of my childhood apart from the fact my sister came home for a while only to make the same accusation again and the fact she was in and out of mental hospitals. I never believed my sister at the time because my uncle was always so nice to me and gave me everything I wanted, I learnt the truth a few years later.

    My memory starts again around the time of 13yrs old. I hadnt seen my sister in years, the one person who cared for me for years. I started high school and it was around this time I learnt the truth bout my uncle. I had started pubety and my uncle had started on me just like he had with my sister. only difference is my sister had the guts to report him for what he is and did to her and I didnt! because of being a taget for pedophilia my depression started.


    I went from being a happy and vibrant young lady to an extremelly depressed, sad and sunken tom boy hiding all of my female features! Many of my teachers saw the change in me and tried to talk to me. After a year of my uncle doing unthinkable things I started to self harm, and I also blamed myself.

    I also managed to get back in contact with my sister and begged her to take me away from it all but she couldnt as it would be kidnapping. After a couple of years on teacher who could no longer bear to see the pain and anger in my eyes finally talked to me and didnt give up until I blurted everything out to her, I could see the shock in her eyes and she just stuck her arms around me and hugged me and told me it would be ok and to stay strong. Then she asked me why I was wearing a jumper in the middle of summer and without warning lifted my sleeves and found deep cuts all over my arms and I could see she was fighting back the tears just looking at them. She also wanted me to report what was happening and I refused because no one believed my sister.

    Even though I had some one who obviously cared about my well being I still felt so alone struggling to deal with my home life and struggling with depression and to top it all of was planning a suicide attempt. My uncle found my diary and picked the lock on many occasions and he told me I must never tell a soul and what was happening was because of me and that I only had myself to blame, so when he read in my diary bout me telling a teacher I got a beating for it and he also told my aunt that I was telling lies just like my sister was and home life got even worse.

    <deleted details>

    The next day at school I had collapsed and the teacher I previously mentioned took me in her car to the hospital to be checked over, on the way back to school we stopped for coffee and she could see what had happened by the look on my face and then she made me see the school councillor.

    Nothing more happened at home now but instead I was now just being insulted with things like ''you so fat'' ''your a ****'' ''you deserve everything you get in life'' and my depression just kept spiralling out of control, to make

    School finally ended and because of my lack of self confidence i dated the wrong sort of guys and they did nothing for my state of mind. I started working for the government and dated yet another low life

    I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which generally comes from having a traumatic childhood and it is there for life.

    At 20 years old I had finally sorted my life out and was now working as a carer for the disabled community.

    After having a life of turmoil and ahving gone to hell and back in my eyes the one thing now that keeps me stable is my son and the one man who loves both me and my son for what we are. My son changed my life and i would never look back now. I just hope that my story reaches some one and saves their life and teaches some one who might be going through what I went through how to cope with it. And my biggest mistake people was not telling some one about it, not reporting it.

    Please if some one is out there going through rape or pedophilia please please report it and dont feel as though your at fault because you are not the people who do this stuff are sick and they need help.

    I am now 22 years old raising a 23 month old little boy and people I am living proof you will survive depression or mental disorders/illnesses, and you will become an extremely strong person.

    thanks for reading

     
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    Old 02-24-2009, 05:51 PM   #2
    Seraph
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    Re: I wished my lonely life in hell would end!

    As I have said before on these boards, I am in awe of the strength and courage of the folk here. You have gone through so much. Your story moved me to tears. And yet, here you are a loving young mother and a true hero who has risen above one of the worst childhoods a person can survive. I wish you the best life from now on, and i know that you are now a person who can and will face anything that life throws at you and get stronger and stronger. Sera.

     
    Old 02-26-2009, 04:03 AM   #3
    kerrylouise
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    Re: I wished my lonely life in hell would end!

    very sorry administrator, I didnt think bout that just bout writing up the whole thing, wont happen again!

    As for me being a ''true hero'' I dont believe that about myself purely because there are other people out there who are so much worse of and it is them who are my hero because I only survived my ordeal because I thought about them. But thank you for making that comment nevertherless.

     
    Old 03-18-2009, 04:02 AM   #4
    EliseJ
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    Re: I wished my lonely life in hell would end!

    While reading this i cried. You are a huge source of inspiration to everyone. Especially me. I am suffering depression at the moment and have been for 6 years. You have shown people that no matter how bad things can be (in your case, very bad) you are able to get through and get back on track of your life.
    Elise

     
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