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  • Am I depressed because I constantly daydream and am not settled?

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    Old 04-24-2009, 04:34 AM   #1
    graces23
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    Am I depressed because I constantly daydream and am not settled?

    I moved into a new apartment (my first home) last September, and I STILL don't feel settled.

    I have acknowledged to myself that I'm just not as happy as I was. I find this disturbing cause I spent quite a bit on some renovations such as new carpet, new paint, etc, and I DO like the place, and it DOES look very nice, and I can walk to work in 10 minutes, and it's near some shops, it's got a pool (that I've never used cause I'm too embarrassed to be seen in a bikini), we've got 2 beautiful kittens, and the neighbours are quiet, but...

    I STILL for some reason miss my old apartment!! It was nowhere near as nice, it was tired and old, we couldn't have any pets cause we rented, the neighbours were horribly noisy and inconsiderate, we didn't have a lid on our green rubbish bin, lol, there was a tree outside the bedroom window that when windy would bash against the window and keep us awake at night...but...I miss the location. I could walk to the beach in seconds. I could walk to my favourite place in the world in 10 minutes and now we have to get a bus and then do an unpleasant 10 minute walk...I miss the cat that would come and visit us even though now I've got my own 2 furry sons. And we're on the ground floor here so I feel very exposed. Before we were on the first floor and I felt much more free and anonymous. I used to go out on the balcony and look over at the Surfers Paradise lights at night...it was nice...but now, there's no lights, and I don't want to go out on the patio (even though we've spent a heap getting lots of gorgeous plants there and outdoor furniture) cause I feel so exposed by people walking back and forth all the time. I also like to leave the curtains open at night to get some kind of view or lights from buildings in (not that there are any now), but my partner's not comfortable doing this now as anyone who walks by could just look in. Not that they probably would, but you know.

    I knew all of this stuff before we bought and it's ok, but...I just thought I'd have adjusted by now.

    I just keep daydreaming of a much bigger apartment...in my dream location (which was 10 mins away from my old apartment)...and I wonder why...maybe it's a big expectation I've got and pressure to LOVE my very first property, and I feel bad that I sort of don't...

    Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

    My best friend rents still, but she moved to an area in Melbourne she'd never lived in before (Boronia for anyone who knows Melbourne) and while she didn't mind the area and liked the townhouse, she found she just didn't feel at home there. So a year later she moved back to Carnegie where she'd lived before that, and which was near to the areas she'd always lived beforehand...and now she's back "home" again. I wonder if this is me.

    I also wonder if I'm actually depressed...I am SO unhappy in my job. I constantly feel bored, disinterested in the type of work, and somewhat paranoid and incompetent. I keep daydreaming (several times a day lately) of my "dream" job, where I'd be good at what I did, etc...but there are no jobs around, and certainly not my dream job.

    I also have money worries which are really getting to me.

    I just want to be happy...the other day I did a depression test that came in the mail for everyone, and I wasn't depressed. But am I?? Or is it just lifestyle related depression, and not any actual depressive kind of disorder that's intrinsic to me?

     
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    Old 04-24-2009, 06:28 AM   #2
    twilit tera
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    Re: Am I depressed because I constantly daydream and am not settled?

    Homesickness and job dissatisfaction are not depression, although they can lead to depression if they aren't resolved.

    Like many Americans, I've moved around quite a bit. I find that it always takes me at least two years before a new place "feels" like home. The key is to get out of the house and find out what about your new surroundings you can appreciate. Strengthen your ties to your new home, and you won't feel so lonely for the old familiar places. If you do this, and give yourself time, you will eventually aclimatize. Those places will always be a part of you, and you'll always love them, but you can come to a point where you love your new place too (unless the community is just a complete disappointment).

    About the work: you've just been through a major change in your life and you'll probably need some time to get adjusted before making another. Change is stressful. On the other hand, if your work is causing you distress, then the stress of change might be preferable to keeping your current job.

    You've said that there are no jobs around for you to apply for, but how much do you know about what your dream job is? If you don't have a firm idea in your mind about what you'd love to do for a living, it's terribly hard to see your way through to that job. Even if you were to take "whatever job's available" now, you probably wouldn't like it any better than your current.

    If I were you. I would take career assessment tests. In fact, I did just that when I was faced with a huge financial setback a couple of years ago.

    Find out what motivates you and what your strengths are, then compare the related career options with the outlooks in those fields. Choose a specific career direction and then take immediate steps to get yourself into that track. You'll feel better just by taking a more active role in your situation, even before you see any change.

    Good luck, graceslick23. I wish you the best in your new home.

     
    Old 04-25-2009, 12:11 AM   #3
    graces23
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    Re: Am I depressed because I constantly daydream and am not settled?

    Thank you so much for your reply.

    I get what you're saying about the home thing. I think I've just not had that much experience with moving to new homes...I lived in the same house from the time I was born until I was 22, and then I had to move when my grandma had a stroke and had to go into a nursing home, so we moved into her place, and I had always LOVED her place so it was exciting but also incredibly traumatic cause I didn't want to leave my home, you know? (I remember being so grateful that I did love the new place, or else it would've been even more horrible to have to move)

    Then the next time I moved it was up here, 2 states away, leaving all my friends and parents (don't really have much other family really). That was when I was 25. It was the hardest thing I think I've ever done. When we first got there we stayed in a small 1 bedroom holiday apartment for 3 weeks to get settled before finding our own rental place, which we then lived in for 5 years. This is the place I am missing so much now. When we first moved in there, I didn't like it and wanted to go back to the holiday apartment. lol. But I remember that within about 3 weeks I'd settled in and was happy.

    But it's been 6 months now!!! I think a big part of it is the area...while I don't actually dislike it and it IS nice (in parts. In others it's really not the best), I keep longing for other areas. Like today we went to a place where I don't particularly want to live (a bit too far from work and stuff, and also too expensive), but I felt so alive there...by the water, lots of green trees and parks...*sigh* Oh well.

    In terms of the job thing, well, I've not been happy in my job for quite some time...actually, ever. I started there almost 3 years ago. I'd moved from a job I really liked (but had to leave due to lack of available hours and thus money) and it was actually the exact same job as I do now, but I liked my boss and the hours and the office and stuff a lot. I was REALLY unhappy when I first began my new job. The office layout was weird to me (all open and I felt very exposed), the computer system I wasn't used to so felt stupid, the people were ok but I couldn't relate to them, I didn't particularly like the area where the office was...and the worst thing was there was hardly any work for me to do. They seemed to not think this was anything unusual but I like to have work to do so I'm not bored and twiddling my thumbs! After a few months things settled down and I was fairly happy, however for about a year now things have been going down hill. The work procedures have changed and it's become a place that now places more emphasis on customer service and answering phones and stuff than just secretarial stuff / typing (which is all I'm really comfortable doing. I find it boring but at least it doesn't stress me out, whereas I absolutely HATE answering phones and dealing with people) and there is hardly ever much work for me to do in terms of typing...I haven't had a pay rise in 2 years, I can't afford to live on the money I'm being paid, I only work part time (which I want. If I had to work full time there I couldn't deal with it. I'd be 100% miserable) but I can't even increase my hours to get more money because there's not even enough work to get me through my normal hours...the people I used to like in the office have mostly left over time, and the ones who are left I don't like much and can't relate to them (little barbie doll type clone girls who discuss boys and make up all day)...

    Anyway...as far as finding a new job goes...I do know what my dream job actually is, and I've got a totally detailed thing in my head, but it just doesn't really exist unfortunately. Or at least not for me. I want to be an online counsellor. Now, this DOES exist, yes, but they're rare. And I did study psychology at university but I didn't go far enough to actually be a registered psychologist, and I am 30 now and there is simply no way I can afford to complete that study now. I'd have to do another year, then a further 2 years after that (this is full time too, not part time, so I couldn't work much if I did it full time), and THEN 2 more years of supervised practice, and I don't actually want to BE a psychologist, not with face to face counselling. I just want to do it online. A while ago I contacted the largest counselling organisation around, asking about it, and they said they do have people who do that, but most of them also do face to face, and they definitely have to be registered. So. Nope. Not gonna happen.

    I am pretty sure I'm going off into daydream / slightly depressed mode cause of these situational things...and the fact they're long term and I don't see any possibility of them changing any time soon...it's all contributing to my less than happy feelings.

     
    Old 04-29-2009, 05:20 PM   #4
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    Re: Am I depressed because I constantly daydream and am not settled?

    First off, cheers mate!

    I don't think many people that read up on these forums would even know where Surfer's Paradise is! But I myself spent 3 months in Robina Waters outside of Bond University looking over at the lake. Surfer's Paradise is a beautiful place, but it's too crowded, I think anxiety kicks in a lot.

    In any case, I think you have mild social anxiety and mild clinical depression. The fact that you are no longer applying yourself, and you are giving up on your dreams, and never pursuing them because they seem too complex, or too hard (as far as work is concerned too) is proof of this; it's overwhelming, I know.

    Sometimes I like to describe certain situations of depression as a lost puppy. You know where you want to go, and you know the direction you should go, but there's so many other overwhelming things out there stopping you every which way in your path, so you end up feeling lost, and looking for someone to just reach their hand out and pull you along. You said you never settled in, which is another way of saying; you never feel comfortable. You choose entry level jobs and particularly prefer them because you feel confident in your ability to complete short-term hour-based tasks. You are probably afraid to make a mistake, because if you did someone would confront you. This shows a lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities.

    When you are 15-20 years old, it's good to dream and wonder where you'll be in 10 years time, but when you are 30, you should pretty much be out of your mid-life crisis period, and moving on to acting upon what you want to do with yourself.

    There are many things that you can do to mediate these feelings that you are having, apparently you are already resorting to one of them: talking about your problems in a somewhat confidential manner. This is a sign of reaching out, looking for people who may or may not concur with your initial thoughts.

    It doesn't always mean that because you have mild clinical depression that you need to see a psychiatrist and take medications for the rest of your life, but maybe it would be good for you to start by making a list of goals for your immediate future that you will take action upon. By setting up goals for yourself, you will force yourself to be motivated until maybe you can find something that excites you enough to find a new drive and forget about your problems. Who knows, maybe all of your problems can be solved by just finding a man or friend who you can spend more time with?

    Cheers to you and good luck!

    Last edited by Epicus; 04-29-2009 at 05:22 PM.

     
    Old 02-23-2010, 11:19 PM   #5
    graces23
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    Re: Am I depressed because I constantly daydream and am not settled?

    Well, I just thought I'd come back with an update. It's not good. lol

    It's now...what, another year almost since my original post back in April 09? We're still at our "new" apartment (now 18 months since we moved in), and I'm even more unhappy. I now no longer look forward to the weekends because it means I have to go somewhere. And I mean, to clarify - I WANT to go places and I DO enjoy myself when I'm AT those places, but I HATE getting to them. Because to do so, I have to walk/wait around forever for public transport and then travel on that transport through the areas closest to where I live, and it's these areas I don't like. Once I get to the places I want to go, I'm SO much happier, but then...we have to leave, and go back home. And I'm unhappy again.

    Last Sunday we went to a seaside cafe precinct. We had a nice lunch, wandered around the shops, then my partner spent some time in a record store and I went down to the beach to just wander in the water, sit on the sand, etc...and I was blissed out. I was in tears cause I felt so happy, and I miss that feeling.

    And I felt calm and stable, but then we had to go home again and instantly I felt numb, sad, stressed...SO unhappy.

    Most weeks I try to do this particular walk I used to do and love every week on Friday evenings. From our old place to my favourite place in the world, where we'd go for dinner. Nowadays, I do it most Fridays still, and each time I get to the place near my old home and start walking, I feel literally overwhelmed with peace, contentment and so I get tears in my eyes then too...and I'm happy until we have to leave later on to go back home. Then I feel utter darkness and gloom.

    Anyway...work is much worse than it was. I look back to when I wrote the original post and it was WAY better than it is now. NOW there's NOBODY at my office who I actually like. My job isn't stable or secure anymore (nobody's is. The people I liked who have just recently left were made redundant as there's just no work around). I've had no pay rise in almost 3 years (nobody has)...we've just moved offices and I don't like it. The feng shui is off. lol. I know that sounds lame, but it really does affect me. I'm just in a constant state of misery and discomfort when I'm there.

    I've been looking for other jobs, but...it's not looking good. I'm not in a main, capital city, and there are hardly any jobs around at the best of times, let alone lately with the financial crisis.

    I daydream almost constantly now about either my dream home (or at least being able to LOOK for another property I might actually be happy in), alternating with dreaming about my dream job, or another job I'd be happier in. It's the only way I can ever relax and feel marginally happy...it's the only way I can go to sleep at night now. When I'm not daydreaming, most of the time I feel this constant moderate level tension, stress, sadness, numbness, fear...and then when I first begin to daydream, it's like all that suddenly drops away and I feel like my whole body and mind just slump down in relief...

    This is no way to live...but what can I do??

     
    Old 02-25-2010, 06:09 AM   #6
    twilit tera
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    Re: Am I depressed because I constantly daydream and am not settled?

    Sorry to hear about the downturn. You've definitely given your new home a fair shot. By now you should have found something you love about the new place that would make it hard to leave.

    The economy does make it hard to find good work. There are so many people out of work right now... improving your situation may seem impossible. I have two friends who are out of work and my husband hasn't had a pay raise in two years. So, you're not alone... many people are going through what you are right now. ::hug::

    But it sounds like you definitely need a change - a big change. I recommend you keep working toward that goal... start thinking about what needs to happen in order for you to move into a neighborhood you'll feel happier in, and a job you'll enjoy more. Write it down on a list and hold onto it. Take things one step at a time. It won't happen overnight. Just don't give up. The time you don't keep trying is when you fail, not before.

    Think of your daydreams as rehearsing for happiness. Instead of merely dreaming that you've arrived in that happy place, maybe start daydreaming what you'll do to get there.

    In the meantime, try to find something that makes you happy that you can do for yourself any time, then make a point of doing it often - daily, if possible. Exercise is a good choice, or a hobby of some kind.

    Best of luck to you! Please update again.

     
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