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  • Depersonalization/Derealization sufferers?

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    Old 05-21-2009, 05:09 PM   #1
    Mollyyy
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    Depersonalization/Derealization sufferers?

    Hi,
    well, to start off... I'm 15 years old. I have Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy, ADD, social anxiety, and now I believe that I may have derealization and/or depersonalization (I'm not sure if you can have both) due to my anxiety and/or depression.

    I've been reading about it, and I have all the symptoms of derealization. I have always felt something odd and known there was something "off" with me but I could never explain it or compare it to any other medical condition that I knew of. So I have just recently been talking to my parents about this, and I am going to see a psychiatrist about it soon.
    Anyway... I have never met or talked to anyone else with this condition. I feel extremely alone, which adds to my depression and anxiety. I just need somebody to talk to. Preferably someone that understands what I mean, and experiences/d the same things.
    So I just want to share how I experience it, and if anybody feels any of this, please reply and talk a little bit about it... at least so I know that I'm not alone. Thanks if you do.

    My vision isn't necessarily blurry, but it's more like the feeling of looking through a veil. It's incredibly hard to explain. It's almost like.. there are REALLY really tiny "static" dots everywhere. They're different from the dots you see if you get up too fast, or anything like that. That's the best I can do when it comes to explaining how I see things (Oh, and keep in mind that I see/feel like this about 90% of the time).

    I always feel like I'm never really where I am. I mean, I'm aware that I'm alive and doing whatever I'm doing, but it almost feels like my body is uncontrollably moving by itself, as if my brain is "coded" with everything, and I'm a robot following its commands.
    My hearing is muffled as well. I can't hear people very well, because most of the time while I'm listening to somebody talk, it feels like my brain is trying to compute whether or not I'm actually there, or if they're actually talking to me.
    Sometimes, I'll be talking, and all of a sudden and out of nowhere, it'll feel like I'm a different person, or my "soul" or something has come out of my body and I'm hearing myself talk as another person. Which makes me feel even more like I'm in some kind of "game" that someone is playing, and I'm their puppet.
    Everything looks very flat, or 2-D. It feels like I'm literally trapped inside a shell or something, and I'm in a dream that I can't wake up from.
    I barely have any emotion anymore. It's like all my emotions are watered down. Everything is very "blah" to me. It's physically impossible for me to feel sympathy for anyone or anything, and it's hard for me to feel actual, genuine happiness. I can't feel attraction toward the opposite sex anymore.
    I can't feel nervousness or be excited (butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling) for anything anymore either. Just anxiety (because I'm always anxious anyway).
    I've basically become a boring, robotic, anti-social hermit because of this. My friends noticed it about a year ago, and just said that I was "changing." I can't explain all this "dereal/personalization" stuff to my friends because they're pretty immature when it comes to listening to my problems. They really don't care what I have to say because they can't relate at all.

    One thing I noticed was that, a few months ago, when I was taking prescribed Adderall for my ADD, the times that it DID work (it only worked every other day), it not only got rid of my focus issues, my anxiety and my depression, but the feeling of being disconnected from reality was completely diminished. Everything looked and sounded different too. I was no longer "looking through a veil," or "hearing like I was underwater." There were no more static-y dots, and everything looked solid and like it was actually right there in front of me.
    I have felt depersonalized for so long and lost so much because of it, and to actually feel like I was.. well, alive, and part of this reality/world, was like heaven to me. It felt like I was finally a part of everything, and like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. It was a day and night difference.
    I think that just upset me more, though, in the long run... because now that I know what it's like to feel normal, the symptoms are worse, and they bother me a lot more now that I'm conscious of them being "un-normal."

    I'm so sick of feeling like this, I just want it to go away, and stay away.
    Please, if anyone else feels/felt any of this, reply to this. I will feel so much better just knowing I'm not alone.

     
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    Old 05-21-2009, 07:15 PM   #2
    Matt321
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    Re: Depersonalization/Derealization sufferers?

    For me it was episodes of depersonalization and derealization brought on by depression, only at the beginning of a major depression episode.

    I hope your psychiatrist can help .

     
    Old 05-22-2009, 08:04 AM   #3
    mineman
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    Re: Depersonalization/Derealization sufferers?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Mollyyy View Post
    Hi,
    well, to start off... I'm 15 years old. I have Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy, ADD, social anxiety, and now I believe that I may have derealization and/or depersonalization (I'm not sure if you can have both) due to my anxiety and/or depression.

    I've been reading about it, and I have all the symptoms of derealization. I have always felt something odd and known there was something "off" with me but I could never explain it or compare it to any other medical condition that I knew of. So I have just recently been talking to my parents about this, and I am going to see a psychiatrist about it soon.
    Anyway... I have never met or talked to anyone else with this condition. I feel extremely alone, which adds to my depression and anxiety. I just need somebody to talk to. Preferably someone that understands what I mean, and experiences/d the same things.
    So I just want to share how I experience it, and if anybody feels any of this, please reply and talk a little bit about it... at least so I know that I'm not alone. Thanks if you do.

    My vision isn't necessarily blurry, but it's more like the feeling of looking through a veil. It's incredibly hard to explain. It's almost like.. there are REALLY really tiny "static" dots everywhere. They're different from the dots you see if you get up too fast, or anything like that. That's the best I can do when it comes to explaining how I see things (Oh, and keep in mind that I see/feel like this about 90% of the time).

    I always feel like I'm never really where I am. I mean, I'm aware that I'm alive and doing whatever I'm doing, but it almost feels like my body is uncontrollably moving by itself, as if my brain is "coded" with everything, and I'm a robot following its commands.
    My hearing is muffled as well. I can't hear people very well, because most of the time while I'm listening to somebody talk, it feels like my brain is trying to compute whether or not I'm actually there, or if they're actually talking to me.
    Sometimes, I'll be talking, and all of a sudden and out of nowhere, it'll feel like I'm a different person, or my "soul" or something has come out of my body and I'm hearing myself talk as another person. Which makes me feel even more like I'm in some kind of "game" that someone is playing, and I'm their puppet.
    Everything looks very flat, or 2-D. It feels like I'm literally trapped inside a shell or something, and I'm in a dream that I can't wake up from.
    I barely have any emotion anymore. It's like all my emotions are watered down. Everything is very "blah" to me. It's physically impossible for me to feel sympathy for anyone or anything, and it's hard for me to feel actual, genuine happiness. I can't feel attraction toward the opposite sex anymore.
    I can't feel nervousness or be excited (butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling) for anything anymore either. Just anxiety (because I'm always anxious anyway).
    I've basically become a boring, robotic, anti-social hermit because of this. My friends noticed it about a year ago, and just said that I was "changing." I can't explain all this "dereal/personalization" stuff to my friends because they're pretty immature when it comes to listening to my problems. They really don't care what I have to say because they can't relate at all.

    One thing I noticed was that, a few months ago, when I was taking prescribed Adderall for my ADD, the times that it DID work (it only worked every other day), it not only got rid of my focus issues, my anxiety and my depression, but the feeling of being disconnected from reality was completely diminished. Everything looked and sounded different too. I was no longer "looking through a veil," or "hearing like I was underwater." There were no more static-y dots, and everything looked solid and like it was actually right there in front of me.
    I have felt depersonalized for so long and lost so much because of it, and to actually feel like I was.. well, alive, and part of this reality/world, was like heaven to me. It felt like I was finally a part of everything, and like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. It was a day and night difference.
    I think that just upset me more, though, in the long run... because now that I know what it's like to feel normal, the symptoms are worse, and they bother me a lot more now that I'm conscious of them being "un-normal."

    I'm so sick of feeling like this, I just want it to go away, and stay away.
    Please, if anyone else feels/felt any of this, reply to this. I will feel so much better just knowing I'm not alone.

     
    Old 05-22-2009, 08:06 AM   #4
    mineman
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    Re: Depersonalization/Derealization sufferers?

    Your symptoms sound like the effect of medication. I have the same feelings, rarely do I have a "normal" day. Best wishes in fighting this.

     
    Old 07-26-2009, 10:04 PM   #5
    progkiller
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    Unhappy Re: Depersonalization/Derealization sufferers?

    Hi, I feel exactly the same as you. I take the Attacking Anxiety and Depression by the Midwest Center and I felt I was completely cured for some time. I have social anxiety, depression and derealization just like what you describe.

    The problem is that I am experiencing a change of environment now. I was a saleman in a retail shop in the past year and I overcome my anxiety and depression and I became the top sales. However, I want to start my own business. When I did this, my anxiety, depression and derealization comes back and I don't know how to deal with it now.

    Anyway, I still recommend you go to their website and purchase a set of their material. It really helped me a lot. I just need some more material to help me fully recovered.

     
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