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  • Depressed, confused, need urgent advice!!

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    Old 05-31-2009, 01:45 PM   #1
    agathi's Avatar
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    agathi HB User
    Unhappy Depressed, confused, need urgent advice!!

    Hey people, I have suffered from depression before in 1999 at 19 (am now 30).

    I was treated with diazepam for a year & recovered pretty well, went to Uni and got my degree.

    But since, 2003 my life has been going downhill. I had a rootcanal done & the dentist did a shoddy job of it. He left some instruments in my upper left tooth & I suffered from chronic sinus infections, facial pain, headache due to that for a year. The tooth was extracted however I got TMJ as a result of the tooth being removed. Then from 2004 I started having chronic sinus infections again with pain in my left cheekbone. Nov 2008, the docs found a cyst in my sinus which was drained, however I am still getting infections & the docs are trying to figure out what the problem is.

    Since 2003, I have been on multiple courses of antibiotics & painkillers, have seen numerous doctors. To top it all I haven't been able to work as I am unwell & in alot of pain. I have lost some of my confidence & I am struggling to stay positive & not to give up. My family finds it difficult to understand my situation. Though they do support me financially, I have no emotional support or understanding. I also have pressure from my family to get married.
    They say getting married will solve all my health issues as it's all in my 'head'!! I believe in myself and I know I have a genuine medical problem which can be treated if the correct diagnosis can me made. But I have been hearing non-stop from my family members that I am useless & I have wasted my life & that I should just get married as I am 30 & all my friends are all settled & married.

    I am tired of fighting & arguing & trying to explain that I am not 'useless' or 'mentally ill', I am just unwell. When I get well & am out of pain I will get on with my life. Some doctors I have seen have said in the past I am suffering from depression, and have prescribed anti-depressants but I have not taken them as I feel once my health improves my mental & emotional state will improve.

    I had a traumatic childhood too, so I have always suffered from anxiety, a few panic attacks & am generally prone to depression.

    Recently in Feb there was alot of pressure from my family to get married after they introduced me to a guy. This guy I was introduced to is quite nice. We get along but I am not ready for a relationship & we met once only & he already wants to get married. The moment he mails me or calls me or texts me I start panicking, my heart races and I get a bad headache, I start sweating as well. The feeling is horrible. It lasts about 5 minutes. Due to this I have had to reject his advances. I had a huge arguement with my dad over why I couldn't get married yet. I had a massive panic attack during the arguement as I got really anxious & overwhelmed. The next day I woke up in a depressive state.

    I guess I am panicking as I am not ready for marraige/a relationship. Before this whole marriage issue came up & before this guy came to meet me, before the pressure, I was doing fine 'emotionally'. My health was frail but I was positive & confident in myself. I used to eat healthy, pray, keep busy by cooking & helping out in the family business.

    Now I am in a rut and can't seem to get out of it.

    I have been in this 'rut' state since Feb, I sleep alot, don't talk to anyone, am moody, angry, don't go out much, have lost weight. I started taking St. Johns Wort and took it for a month (300mg 3 times a day). I stopped it as my heart was racing too much & I didn't find any improvement. A few days after I stopped the herb, I had to fly out to another state to see a doc and I couldn't get on the plane as I panicked & was teriffied. I used to be confident before this depression. I have travelled alot previously and never had any such fear or panic. Just mild anxiety & I never had to resort to drugs as it was never that bad. Anyway, I then decided to travel by bus, but as soon as the bus started moving I panicked & had to ask the driver to stop so I could get down. I noticed that I feel like this often during the day. Basically, my heart will start pounding and I feel like I am falling, feel dizzy, sick & get a horrible headache. I just get into bed and hug myself real tight. This also happens in the middle of the night & I often wake up feeling like this.

    Does anyone know if this could be due to taking St. Johns wort? Or is it because of depression? Anyone felt this way?

    I actually had a cheekbone infection at the time of travel, which can sometimes cause confusion & delirium. Am being treated with antibiotics.

    But I am still feeling depressed, anxious, hate my parents, am fearful & am unable to go out much. I have also become very sensitive to loud noise. I get startled and easily scared with outside noises: ie cars, aeroplanes, people speaking loudly & also get very irritated when the T.V volume is loud. I have never ever in my life felt this way. I have also not been my usual self, I feel confused, lost & can't think straight.

    I am very scared & don't understand why I am feeling this way. It would really help if someone out there could help explain!!

    I went to the doc, he gave me Alzolam 0.25 mg twice day. It helped me calm down, but I feel like a zombie, and too drowsy. I take it in the morning and manage to shower, cook, eat lunch but fall asleep by 3pm till 5pm!! Then again I take it at night 10.30pm and sleep well, but have been having weird dreams since. I have been on this dose for a week.

    I went to a psychiatrist as I was feeling too drowsy from this drug & couldn't even read (which I love to do as it has previously helped me cope with depression) more than 2 pages before falling asleep.

    He said I was suffering from depression and prescribed Salipax (Fluoxetine) 20mg a day. He also said to take Alzolam 0.25mg only at night. So I stopped taking Alzolam during the day & am currently on it before bed. I have noticed that the panic & anxiety feeling has returned.

    I haven't started on the Fluoxetine as I am freaking out. Not sure if it will help or make me worse. And I am scared of getting addicted. I also think that maybe I have become worse with St Johns wort & I am over drugged, so I'll feel better if I go on a detox.

    So anyone out there who has been in the same situation as me, please write back.

    I live in a very small town and there are no therapists here, so my only choice is to take this medicine so that I am better to travel out of here and get more help. I also have to stay 'sane' as my physical health is not good at the moment, I won't be able to get the medical help I need and explain my physical symtopms if I stay in this 'zombied' state. Basically I have given up & I don't know if taking this drug will help me out.

    My only form of therapy here is books & meditation cd's and at the moment I am too messed up to read or meditate.

    Hoping to here from someone out there!!!

    You can PM me.

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    Old 05-31-2009, 07:52 PM   #2
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    Re: Depressed, confused, need urgent advice!!

    I tried sending you a pm but not sure it went through because I have never sent one before. Don't let your family try to force you to get married! There is hope and a good future for you I am sure

    Old 06-01-2009, 11:41 AM   #3
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    Re: Depressed, confused, need urgent advice!!

    Try doing something more useful like a sport or a job, I understand that money is not an issue, but just do it for the pleasure of it, to be occupied, to feel that you are helping someone, a charity or something like that, I am not a doctor, but sometimes experience works better than diplomas and bachelor degrees.
    "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger"

    Old 06-02-2009, 03:37 PM   #4
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    Re: Depressed, confused, need urgent advice!!

    Hi there,
    Reading your story seems as though through bad luck your health has suffered. I have a feeling you have suffered the consequences of excess medicines. However, for you to stop all medicine, you need all the support you can get to avoid some of the depression that your combatting. Therefore, is there a way you can be with people besides family who can support you when you need them? I ask because in case you prefer to be alone, there will be moments when you will need some additional help.

    Being from south asia, I know parents in some parts of the world are more keen on fulfilling their obligations and will not accept that depression is a long term imbalance issue rather than just a state of mind. As some one else pointed out on the board, perhaps you can get a job and move somewhere else as well, even if it means leaving the country.

    In the mean time though I would say that you should try to do things to keep yourself as busy as possible.


    Old 06-03-2009, 10:31 AM   #5
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    Re: Depressed, confused, need urgent advice!!

    I mean I can't relate to everything in there, but I completey understand your panic attack stuff, I started having them over 2 years ago and eventfully they went but I've had a lot of pressure on me recently so I had a relapse a couple of weeks ago. They seem to have gone and they will go. That is what kept me going that they will go and I think they have as I have taken more control over things and that is what you should do.

    I also know the other anixety issues, it's normal, I don't really know what to advice but you need to tell your family the truth and you may have in the past and they probably don't understand but if you keep going on about it, maybe one of your family members will understand that you are telling the truth.

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