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no improvement in treatment resistant depression

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Old 03-04-2010, 05:15 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2
alwayssad HB User
no improvement in treatment resistant depression

i'm taking seroquel for depression and sleep with lamictal. the seroquel stopped my period after only one week on it. haven't gotten it since i started. started at 50mg and then 100mg for sleep. works for sleep but becomes less effective over time but knocks me out for sure for the whole night. only just started 100mg dose of lamictal but has not done anything yet. i have not seen any improvement in treatment resistant depression since i was young with the latest depression lasting about 6 years. it feels like it's more permanent now that all these years have passed.

i'm 39 and feel more hopeless than ever and have tried tons of things in the past but feel like i'm smarter than most of the docs and definitely than the therapists so it's hard to find someone that doesn't suggest walking around the block to relieve 6 years of severe depression that has become worse over the years and has led to agorophobia and anxiety and antisocial/withdrawn behavior, blocking out all people and relationships so not to feel guilty putting my negative thoughts on them when they have nothing to say and feel awkward.

So internalizing it all has made it worse but letting people in is harder and work has become harder, and i just want to sleep my life away. the only thing that has ever worked partially is distraction, and even my normal distractions dont work, and always are short lived so my life is constantly in my face with the hopelessness of the possibility of never getting better. i am not even looking for happiness, just getting rid of this despair and hopelessness so i can survive without hoping i dont wake up every night. klonopin for anxiety, and adhd too, so take vyvanse and if needed an afternoon booster of dexedrine. seroquel works for sleep but not depression for me, but stopping my periods after only one week of use is scary.

i've read more than the experts about depression and it's so embryonic in it's treatment, that i feel like my lifetime will not be enough time for them to figure out how to treat it. i wonder if it's just my thought processes and early childhood issues, like father dying of a brain tumor when small and inattentive, narcisistic mother who was selfish and enjoyed toying with me growing up, and my lack of coping mechanisms being developed at the proper stage. i wonder if it's ever irreversible at some point or if more combinations of medications over my lifetime would do anything. it's hard to keep trying them with all the side effects when years of combinations have done nothing and may have caused damage and permanently changed function that cannot be reversed.

it's hard to keep going and getting up every day. i feel guilty talking about it with anyone bc they feel helpless and awkward and tend to want to get away from the uncomfortable situation as fast as they can, kind of like visiting someone in the hospital. you feel bad for them but you can't wait to get out of there and get it out of your minds... even the people closest to you eventually give up telling you that it will get better bc they stop believing it after years and years of it... then you wonder why you even expect anything to work. i'm so glad that some things work for people on these boards bc either nothing changes, or the side effects make me feel worse. one time wellbutrin made me feel 10-15% better but it was unacceptable to agree to a life that was 85% horrible.

it was the only time i remember a slight relief and it was short lived, when different meds were suggested... i just tell myself that something will work one day but i really dont believe it or have such a slight belief in it, but it's my only hope to keep believing that something will change. it's so hard when no one has actually felt it, they cannot understand and often make you feel like you are weak and making it up or that you have to suck it up bc life is hard for everyone. you can't talk to people like that and i just avoid them bc it's not even worth it to try to make them understand. they are the "just walk around the block" people, then you'll feel better. yeah right.... just talk to someone.... not working. i know the source of my negative thoughts and my childhood history and it doens't make it better to know. therapy often gets it out and some people feel better once they understand, but understanding isn't curing me of it, just makes me feel more hopeless that things can get better.

i wish i could just have a normal life. i dont need to be happy, just ok.... i keep waiting for that day when i wake up and everything is ok and i can get things done and have meaning. that's the key, meaning, it's hard to feel you have meaning when you feel insignificant and are an atheist who thinks that one life is only meaningful to those small amounts of people who you come in contact with, and preventing relationships somehow makes it hurt less, but continues to enhance the feeling of being meaningless. once you have reached your aspirations and goals, they seem insignificant and unrewarding. it makes you not want to make new goals bc the many goals you have reached did not fix the emptiness of feeling pointless in the long run.

would love some advice how to not think so negative. it's hard to be positive when deep down you dont truly believe it and saying it over and over when you don't buy it deep down feels like a lie. it's hard to talk to people without saying how you feel and no one needs to hear that or wants to be near that. i dont even want to hear myself talk so no innocent bystander should have to, unless you pay them to and even then their ego's are hurt if they can't fix you and secretly resent you for their failure to help you. they tend to push you away when they have personally given up or realized they do not know how to make you feel better bc it's easier for them to enjoy the successes and eliminate the failed attempts. more research please!!! thanks for listening!

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Old 03-05-2010, 03:27 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: United States
Posts: 283
Re: no improvement in treatment resistant depression

I just read the first paragraph & have to go now, but Seroquel is not an antidepressant. Maybe you need to seek a new dr.

Old 03-05-2010, 07:06 PM   #3
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 68
mmKay HB User
Re: no improvement in treatment resistant depression

I'm sorry things have been so horrible for you. I can relate, on a much much smaller scale. I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through and I definitely haven't been at this as long as you have. But, I can relate to not being able to find meaning in anything. Things were different for me before because the things I did had meaning for me.. but now I don't see the point in doing anything, so I don't want to actually do anything. I also wish I could just lay in bed all day and sleep - I did for about 3 weeks, but of course that didn't help anything.

I don't really have any advice to give, but just wanted to let you know I'm always around reading everyone's posts. Even though everyone goes through this in very different ways, I feel some comfort in knowing that other people understand what it's like to fight this illness, and more importantly fighting the stigma of it. I recently told a friend about it and I wasn't expecting it but she turned out to be one of "those people." The - stop overreacting, it's gonna be okay, just don't think about it and it will go away, JUST TRY HARDER- kind. It makes me not want to tell anyone else about it. I don't need more people pointing out that I'm weak, I already feel weak on my own.

Anyway, good luck to you in trying to find the right concoction of meds or in finding some other way to deal with life. I guess there's nothing else we can really do except hope that if we fight long enough, it will be easier some day.. whenever that is, who knows?

Old 03-06-2010, 06:52 PM   #4
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2
alwayssad HB User
Re: no improvement in treatment resistant depression

Originally Posted by SPORT46 View Post
I just read the first paragraph & have to go now, but Seroquel is not an antidepressant. Maybe you need to seek a new dr.
hi, i know it's not an antidepressant bc it's used to treat mania which i do not have but it helps sleep and has mild antidepressant "qualities". since it knocks me out i asked if i could try it for sleep and it does help. it counteracts my ADHD meds if they keep me up too late also... if you look around the posts and the websites it does say that it can help treat bipolar depression so even though i don't consider myself bipolar bc i have never been manic, i'll take anything that helps the depression side of it. There are lots of meds that have secondary uses and i thought if it helps with sleep it might help me feel less depressed and if they say it helps with the depressed side of bp, it couldn't hurt with regular depression, too. every dr. i see i think i need to see a new dr. the reason i like this one is bc he listens to me, and sympathizes but i've found that none of them know what they are doing, other than having the authority to try out different medicines and recognize patterns... in all my years of depression, reading about it and realizing the treatments are so questionable and embryonic, i often feel like i know more than they do and i'm the one that often suggests what i'd like to try and i've always been trusted enough to ok what i've suggested. not that they are dumb people, it's just that there's not enough out there and there's only a limited supply of things that can change your brain and although he smirked when i brought up SPECT scans, i think you are either on board with that kinda thinking or not.... there's not much as far as diagnostics that they can use and a 20min session once a month does not give an accurate assessment so they have to rely on what you tell them.... when nothing works, they try to up the medicine and then it gives them time to think of something while it does nothing to come up with an alternate plan... i think there are bad docs out there for sure, but i dont think mine is bad, he just has no idea how to fix it and has been telling me for the last two years that "we will find a way to make you feel better". now he wants me to exercise 30min a day for 5 days a week. i know it can't hurt but it's sort of the "walk around the block and you'll feel better" mentality, he thinks it will help my dna loosen to be able to make proteins better, i dunno, i think it just buys him more time of me coming in until that doesnt work and he can think of a new medicine, they are almost relieved when your session is over bc they dont know what to tell you and then you are out of their minds for a couple of weeks... i dont think talking helps me bc i know exactly what my past/childhood has been like and i think i should be depressed, however just knowing about it doesn't make it any better. people say you need to "let it out" but letting it out doesn't make it go away, for me it just keeps it in the moment and burrying it does make it come back but at least it's burried while i'm distracted for a little bit and have been able to complete school, buy a house, have a great career, etc. but all my degrees and "success" feel like nothing and i don't look at anything i've done proudly, it was just me distracting myself from being depressed so i feel like credit for that is worthless. it's funny what people think "success" is.... anyhoo, just wanted to point out that each med says what it is and you can look up each one and just bc some of them are anti-seizure medications, doesnt' mean it's not supposed to have a possible side effect of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety properties. if i have to read one more post about the warning of a rash from lamictal i think i'll either laugh or wonder why the person that needed to post that didn't read it was already posted in every single message before they posted. lol.... thanks for the advice though, seeing a new dr. and starting over is unbearable at this point. i've seen my share of new ppl and some were horrible, even mean, and some were ok, but unless i feel better they are all just putting their hand in a bag and pulling out a mixture of tricks that take a long time so it buys them time for you to keep coming, and playing around with the dosages buys them even more time so we are the guinea pigs that are their own personal experiments with the meds they have. i wonder what has helped other ppl, maybe i'll ask next time even though i know everyone is different, but an infection by a certain bacteria should be curable by the same antibiotic so the thing that is missing here is how to diagnose what's in your brain bc the right diagnosis should mean the meds should work for that specific ailment.... i just dont buy that aspirin works on some people and not others and if you try aspirin with tylenol or motrin you will get much of a difference. i think the cure fits a certain problem and they are hoping your problem fits into the cures they have instead of doing it the other way around... they've got to research a way to test for low brain chemicals or high brain chemicals, or hormones, or whatever... i think if you feel good, depression isn't something you choose to study... and those who are depressed are probably too tired and low to research... unless you personally know the feeling every day, you cant even represent it to someone else, so who is going to research it? how can you test for it in people who can't feel it the way some of us do? how can they figure out what will work and who do they try it on? how can they even say it's from a brain chemical at all, maybe the wiring is wrong and firing normally. if there's no cure for some of us, how hard would it be to admit that nothing may work and that's just the way it is, why does it have to be somehting that is off? maybe one person's off is normal for them. i hope not, but i dont mind an artificial happy, as long as i dont have to feel like this all the time... but seems like online is the only place one can find others that actually get it... thanks for listening! :I

Old 03-06-2010, 08:49 PM   #5
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ponca City, OK
Posts: 52
johnstonx5 HB User
Re: no improvement in treatment resistant depression

has anyone ever considered there could be something else going on besides depression? Do you have any other physical symptoms? Pain, sores, headaches, rashes, diarrhea, vommiting, ect.... all of these can be linked to depression but can also be indicators of other disease.

Old 11-24-2010, 07:18 PM   #6
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Atlanta,GA,USA
Posts: 64
sandyf HB Usersandyf HB User
Re: no improvement in treatment resistant depression

Have you tried EVERY medication/med combo out there for depression? What about ECT? I know it must be so discouraging but you have to keep trying. Are you working with a doctor that works with treatment resistant depression? Maybe you would have better luck. I'm going through the same as you. I'm so depressed and full of so much anxiety but I'm not finding or not tolerating the meds I've tried. It scares me to think that I will never find relief. I'm trying to stay hopeful but I know how hard it is.

Old 11-27-2010, 08:02 PM   #7
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Join Date: May 2006
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Posts: 120
beach4me HB User
Re: no improvement in treatment resistant depression

I understand you more than you know. I am 42 and did not get any real help until about 5 years ago and I just about kissed my doctor!! Treatment resistant depression is horrible!!! I have never been manic either.

I take 300mg of Wellbutrin, 200mg of Lamictal and 225mg of Nuvigil (previously I took Provigal) every day. It has been the perfect combo for me. At one point I was having "break thru" depression and he thought Seriqul would help but oh my gosh! I thought I would never wake up and I felt terrible. I took for about 4 weeks and it did help with the "break thru" depression.

I know insurance companies are not great about paying for Nuvigil but my doctor wrote a letter and I pay my co-pay. I can't say enough great things about Nuvigil. It has been key to my success. It gives me the energy I need which fights the "I just want to go to bed" feelings. I get alot more done and that in turn makes me feel better.

I agree that Serquil is not an anti-depressant and you need one! My guess is that your meds are making you tired. Don't give up on Lamitcal!!! You may just have to increase slowly until you hit the "spot".

I am so sorry that you are in the frustrating stage but there is hope and an answer!!! Don't give up. You will feel normal and it will feel wonderful. Hugs!

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