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  • Depression is driving me crazy

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    Old 03-10-2010, 11:36 AM   #1
    Join Date: Mar 2010
    Posts: 1
    beyoncesmith4 HB User
    Question Depression is driving me crazy

    Over the last few months i noticed a lot about me was changing.
    My emotions were like out of control in school i was getting teased i had problems at home my sister is binge eating it broke my heart my parents through her out onto the street she was seriously ill.
    i suffered abuse when i was younger by my dad and my mum they use to beat me and my sister at a young age i was about 8 years old she was 12 my dad was drunk again.. he dragged me by the back if the hair and through me onto the couch my mum slapped me across my thigh when i was 6 i can still remember these even till this day they're haunting me these memorys of me hiding in the room i shut my eyes every night they're there.
    I have depression and i'm scared because i can't control it i have anxiety which doesn't help i can't leave the house i think people are staring at me or laughing at me.
    People are telling go to a doctor i had a councilor in school my guidance teacher
    requested him but i just said i was fine i was confused i didn't know why i needed a councilor obviously she knew something was wrong with me i told my father i had depression and i was nearly crying i choked even getting the word out my mouth he booked me a doctors appointment i couldn't go nerves got the better of me.
    I can't even tell my own parents how i feel how could i talk to a stranger?
    me coming online telling you guys is the the only place were i can turn to people actually understand me and don't call me a drama queen my dad called me that.
    i had an argument with my mum yesterday she thought i didn't hear her talking about me behind my back so i went to confront she does this all the time i snapped like my brain just went off i cried with anger i wanted to harm myself so i did i burned my wrist with the straighteners i started to scratch a nailfile against my wrist it left a few scratches but i felt better i just wanted to feel pain.

    How can i stop daydreaming someone told me people who got abused when they were younger daydream all the time to forget about what happened to them and that's what i've been doing i don't have any close friends i miss the old me i was so bubbly and now it's like a dark cloud over my life.

    why has this happened to me? am i bad person do i deserve to end my life please be real with me and not mean.

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    Old 03-10-2010, 04:19 PM   #2
    Senior Veteran
    Join Date: Jan 2009
    Posts: 509
    friendsville HB User
    Re: Depression is driving me crazy

    I don't know,you need some outside help,I believe.I would think a teacher or two,could have the wherewithall to get you some assistance.I know it is almost impossible to talk to "action" people.Everyone is worried about their jobs. Bill

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