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Is it depression or not?

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Old 03-25-2010, 06:55 AM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 4
mattmc99 HB User
Is it depression or not?

Hi Guys

I am new here and this is my first post. Today I had another appointment with the Pysch and this time she has told me to consider depression.

The story is to do with my girlfriend, I will try to make this as short and brief as possible.

We broke up 2 months ago, the nature and suddenness of the breakup concerned me alot, I went to speak to the Pysch about it and she said it sounds like the girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder, now today she tells me she thinks she may have severe depression, either way I am very worried about her and would appreciate any replies, opinions or suggestions.

When we first met she could not leave me alone, idiolization, calling me texting me etc, having to see me all the time, was very insistant after only 2 weeks on having me tell her I love her, alot of the time when I told her I loved her she would say ''no you dont'' or ''how much do you love me, 100% or when you say you love me do you just mean a little bit?''

This behaviour was going on all the time, she said she was falling in love at xmas, then she said she was scared of the ''strange'' feelings she was having, everyday she would ask if I loved her or if I missed her, some days when I said yes she would say ''i hate you.'' one day she sent me a nice message in the morning, lunch time she said ''i hate you'' then at 5pm said she was missing me and asked me to go to her house, she seemed to have this problem which felt to me like insecurity, she could not believe I loved her, always questioning it. We out for dinner and had a wonderful night, she said how much she enjoyed it and was still talking about it 2 days later, she said we would be together for a long time and have many more great nights in the future, I did not see her for the next 3 days and receive an email from her saying she did not like me and the relationship was over.

She had a strict upbringing and her father died when she was about 10 or 12yrs old, her brother was killed a few years later, she married the same guy twice and divorced him twice, blames him for everything that ever happened, had another boyfriend and told me he was the bad one and he did terrible things to her, I was the next, she told me I was the best and then suddenly completely shut me out of her life.

After we broke up I sent her a couple of messages saying I did not understand what happened, told her I missed her and loved her, told her I wanted to talk to her, I would always be there for her, asked her if she would like to be friends, just have a coffee or take the kids somewhere, never answered any of my messages, completely ignored me.

I sent her letters via email telling her much she meant to me and how I would love to try and fix whatever has happened to us, no reply, after 3 weeks she sent me a message asking me to stop contacting her.

Last week, 5 weeks after her message I was driving near her house with my daughter, I bought some flowers and went to her house, she came to the window at the side of the door and looked through it to see who it was, what I saw shocked me, she looked terrible, she looked as if she had not slept for a week or two, she kepp saying sorry to my daughter and said she could not see us. She truned and walked away and switched off all the lights in the house, I am standing outside in the dark with flowers in my hand, her bedroom window is next to the front door, I did not know where she had gone, I said I have something for you and would you please come to the door so I can give it to you, suddenly she spoke, I could not see her and did not even know she was near the window, she said I should not have gone there and she would not come outside, she said she did not want to take anything from me, she said she cannot see my face and then said she does not want me to see her like this, I asked her what she meant, she did not answer me, I said I am worried about you and want to see you are ok, she said dont worry I am ok and closed the window. I just said I will leave these things at the door, I am going now, please come and get them when I am gone, she came out after she thought I had gone and picked them up and went back in the house. I sent her a message and said I hoped she liked the flowers, I got no reply.

I told the psych today about this and the fact that she has completely shut me out and ignores me, she said she thinks now she may have depression, if she had Borderline she thinks she would have been back by now as Borderlines cannot stand to be alone.

Can anybody relate to any behaviour like this and should I assume she may have depression? I really love her and want so much to help her, she is also alone with her 10yr old son.

The Pschy told me I should call to her house often and just tell her I am concerned and I want to make sure she is ok.

If she has depression could this have come on so suddenly in a couple of days when I did not see her, the last time I saw her she seemed happy and we took the 2 kids swimming, never saw her again from that day to this. I have read that depression can last yrs or months especially if un treated, I just dont know what to do. I have looked at the symptoms etc and dont feel that she exhibited these symptoms but I am no expert and for all I know maybe depression set in after she left my place or sometime over the following 3 days when I did not see her.

She started a job before xmas, not a good job and also physically demanding, low paid and she does have some money worries, I got the feeling she started to act a little different in January, week one she was ok, week 2 she would not talk to me week 3 and week 4 she was fine and happy and then the last day of January ended the relationship, could January have been depression building up after going back to work and worrying about her crap job and then having to pay school fees etc?

I look forward to reading your replies and hopefully I get some insight here to be able to help her.

Thanks for reading and regards

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Old 03-25-2010, 04:39 PM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: I am a male goshdarnit.. why does it show as female!
Posts: 27
AnonymousT HB User
Re: Is it depression or not?

Just thought I'd comment on your question of if a depressive episode can get that serious within a few days.

I'd have to say yes from personal experience. I can go from being completely happy and all is right in the world to completely depressed and thinking about suicide over the matter of a few hours and then stay there for hours to months.. I know other people with depression who can crash just as fast. We call it crashing for a reason. It's like being hit by a train and dragged.

IMO being supportive is probably the first best step.

Old 03-25-2010, 07:07 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: TEXAS
Posts: 827
kilgore52 HB User
Re: Is it depression or not?

Do you really need this in your life and does your daughter need to be involved with this type of behavior? Put yourself in your child's shoes. Pretty tramatizing for her.

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