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Old 01-09-2001, 10:00 AM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Alexandria, VA, US
Posts: 18
Tired HB User

People are always using the cliche "You have to love yourself for someone to love you". This sounds good and it strikes a nerve, but what does it mean to "love" yourself. First of all, what does the CONCEPT of love mean in the first place? Can you love yourself without loving your life? The assumption is that if you're sad or depressed then you don't love yourself, but I wonder if you can love yourself and still be unhappy about your social status and your situation. People always use this cliche when a depressed person says that they want someone in there lives. Can't I love myself, but hate how others respond to me. If I were born with a severe limp and no women would talk to me, is it because I don't love myself? The fact is that even if I did love myself, my ability to CHOOSE a partner is limited by my limp.

Before we blurt out cliches as remedies to others problems, think about what they really mean. Most of them resemble the glittering generalities used in political speeches. Politicians say things like we must preserve "democracy" and "freedom". These cliches sound good and they get us excited, but what do they specifically mean? To say that you must "love yourself before someone can love you" is quite ridiculous. I guess "beautiful" women must love themselves a lot because so many men "fall in love" with them.

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Old 01-09-2001, 02:06 PM   #2
Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 140
joy HB User
Re: Self-Love

Hi. I believe when you love yourself, those vibrations emanate from you and attract a 'higher' person in our scheme of evolution. I don't know if that makes sense but I believe it. Beautiful women who are insecure [and some are] who have a lot of men, usually have the type of men who use and/or abuse them, or control them.
You can see this working when you have worked on yourself to improve your negative thoughts, or just be firm about your inner thoughts [i.e. saying no when you should]. You will see a different type of person attracted to you than from before you did this mental work. I truly believe in this, though it takes work to get through some of the cobwebs. I know women who are not great looking, but are so confident in themselves and so assertive [not vulger or overly aggressive], and believe me, they have had men who are wonderful; would do anything for them. If one of these men ended the relationship [rarely would happen; she would end it]the lady would not pine too long, and would have an even better guy in a little bit of time [if that's what she wanted]. The very pretty, insecure, low self-esteemed woman will keep attracting the wrong kind of men/people into her life [or almost nobody]until her 'vibration' changes for the better and attracts a higher evolved person.
I hope you do not think I am crazy, but I truly believe this to be so. You are right about the politicians, though!!!!! Stay well.

Old 01-11-2001, 01:39 PM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 1
TheWonderer HB User
Re: Self-Love

To 'Love Yourself' really translates to fully accepting yourself as you are, all your strengths and all your weaknesses. You do not have to like the weaknesses and even want to work on changing them, but you accept that is where you are right now. Even when others do not accept you, you can still accept yourself. You have to also be able to forgive yourself for mistakes and weaknesses (often the toughest part), again, even when others do not forgive you. Summary: This 'self love' is acceptance and forgiveness. You do not have to like your status nor your current situation.

Old 01-14-2001, 08:45 AM   #4
Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 6
Beebs HB User
Re: Self-Love

Love does not necessarily have to be physical or romantic to be love - as a matter of fact is shouldn't start out that way. Respect is the foundation for love and can become physical if mutual lust enters into the picture or better yet it can become romantic due to various ramdom factors that nobody really understands.

I'm disturbed about your comment regarding "beautiful women". Physical appearance plays a big part in sexual attraction - but not the only part. Walk around any mall in America, and you'll see couples hooked up; all sizes, shapes, and varying degrees of societal standard of "physical beauty". I know lots of happily married people (myself included) who are of average appearance. Two people who find each other attractive for whatever reason are just minding their own business and who are we to judge their reason for being together?

Sideline: Good grooming - clean hair, clean clothes (not necessarily expensive) that fit and match and are somewhat in style are a part of being physically attractive and anyone can do this.

Develop friends before you develop lovers. Friends will tell you what personality traits you need to work on to attract lovers.

Also, look beyond what you consider "the physically beautiful". If you are looking for friends or lovers of only one body type or look, then you will never find what you are looking for for a long long time. You are eliminating too many potentials.

Old 01-14-2001, 04:09 PM   #5
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cornwall, ON, Canada
Posts: 0
SoLost HB User
Re: Self-Love

I think the meaning of loving yourself before others love you simply means that if you generally like and admire yourself you will seek to find a healthy relationship. How many times are people in "love" with people who hurt or abuse them and they stay becuase they don't care enough about themselves to get out.

I don't think a limp will keep the opposite sex away. It all depends on how you present yourself. We all have things we don't like about ourselves that we would only love to change but we must live with them. Focus on the good aspects of you. The better YOU feel the more likely others well respond to you because you are fun to be around. :0)

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