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very depressed

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Old 11-14-2000, 02:46 PM   #1
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teressa81 HB User
very depressed

my name is teressa, i am 19yrs old, i was diagnosed with depression when i was 14. I have been on every depressive medication you can name. I have been on effexor for 2 yrs now. But now that i am on my own, i have no health insurance. I am currently in a relationship i have been in for over a year and a half. I am thinking very bad now, like i am not good enough for him, he doesn't know i think like this. I graduated from therapy about 4 months ago, i have been to every therapist in Va. And finally made it. I was put in a mental hospital twice when i was 14, i am starting to feel like i did whe n i was 14 again. I was into alot of trouble in my teen years, and i almost costed myself my life. I caught an STD. When i get stressed out and my anxiety rises i break out.When i found out that i had this STD, i thought my life was over but my current boyfriend saw past my STD. I love him for that, even though his family flipped. I am also scared i wont be able to bear my own children. POINT BLANK I AM SCARED!!!
Scared for myself hoping things will be okay, hoping i will have a good life. I am stressed.
I just wanted to write. Thank you for reading .
teressa :*(

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Old 11-17-2000, 05:57 PM   #2
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: USA
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Hope HB User
Re: very depressed

Teressa--don't give up... don't let in. It will be ok. Every person is precious, wonderful, and if you think you aren't you probably don't know yourself very well. You have created an image of yourself that is negative and engraved it in your mind, now it is all you can imagine yourself ever being. Don't let yourself get trapped by that old image, that incorrect image. You are a beautiful, precious person. Don't lose sight of it. Don't let go of your boyfriend--mine held my hand through my visit to the hospital...and has supported me all the way... and I have almost ran away so many times because I thought he should have better--I'm what he wants, or he wouldn't have stayed... your boyfriend is sticking it out with you, if he didn't think you were any good-he wouldn't have stayed. you'll be in my prayers. ** keep hope **

Old 11-17-2000, 07:05 PM   #3
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Catriona HB User
Re: very depressed

I have a question for you...
When you are depressed, do you know the feelings you have are because of depression, or do you believe them to be real and true?
I ask this because I suffer from depression and most of the time, when I feel things, I believe them to be true, it isnt till later, when I have gotten through a really bad patch, that I look back and know that it wasn't real, it wasn't true.

Old 11-26-2000, 05:21 PM   #4
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teressa81 HB User
Re: very depressed

I have a question for you...
Cat wrote to me: When you are depressed, do you know the feelings you have are because of depression, or do you believe them to be real and true?
Teressa's reply
Most of the things i get depressed about manifeste in my head. I have memories from 12 years ago all negative but they still manifeste in my head. Lately i have been really depressed sitting watching Animal Planet and crying(for an hour and crying to sleep) because i am seeing a bull get eaten alive. I tried to eat some turkey left over from Thanksgiving and i got sick looking at the bird. It could be my anxiety.
I was watching a commercial at 5:30 am this morning about these tapes that are supposed to make you change you ways from negative to positive. And, since my shrink doesn't work for me anymore, and all that counseling had not worked. I was going to try that. I mean do i have to have counseling for the rest of my life? If its not one thing it is another.
THanks for listening

Old 11-26-2000, 11:44 PM   #5
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: San Francisco CA US
Posts: 152
Kathrin HB User
Re: very depressed

Hello Teressa
you seem to be very sensitive. I can really relate to that. Of course the depression is the down side of that, but being sensitive has up sides too... I don't see anything wrong about feeling sad for animals. I don't eat meat, and I had to step outside when iw as invited to a Turkey Fest Potluck and they were preparing the birds...
Maybe what we have to do is learnn appreciate the positive sides of our sensitive hearts, and focus on them, and I do think that this will make the negative sides (depression, anxiety...) lose power and importance. What do you think? Depression is so much about focussing on the dark sides of life, about distorting things in our heads so they look negative... but we can try to focus on the brighter sides especially inside ourselves... this does not mean nothing should make us sad. If it makes me sad when I see an animal hurt, for example, or a person hurt for that matter, I try to tell myself that yes, the world may not be perfect, but I can do my own little part to try and make it better...

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