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micro 02-25-2002 11:14 AM

Getting worse
Things are getting so much worse. My depression has gotten worse lately. The nausea fom the meds kept getting worse so I quit taking them yesterday. What I don't understand is how a doctor can prescribe a med for you when they really haven't taken the time to really know exactly what is going on in your head. Yes, I have depression, and yes, I get anxiety attacks. But why can't they take the time to really help you? I mean, most of the ones I've met seem more intent on seeing how many patients they can see in one day, rather than taking valuable time to really help. I know it's just the money to them so they can have their fancy houses, cars, and all those things most people cannot afford.
I really need someone to talk to. And no offense to anyone here, but I need someone I can talk to IN PERSON!! But more than anything, I need to know that they really care. But unfortunately, I am real good at reading body language and facial expressions. And I also have a great deal of understanding about psychology. I don't trust doctors 'cause I was molested by one when I was in my early teens. I hurt so bad right now. I'm at work (the only place I have Net access) and it's so difficult to do anything. I've almost cried twice at my desk and spent an hour in my boss's office crying (I have a very understanding boss). While I should be thankful for such a boss, I don't feel that way.
I just hurt sooo bad. I want this to go away. I gotta go. Talk soon ( and don't worry, I'm not suicidal - yet).

simby 02-25-2002 11:39 AM

Re: Getting worse
micro - hi
so sorry u are so down right now. please hang on.
do you have a therapist? my pdoc gives me the meds but my therapist was the one who talked and listened and help me.
hope you feel better soon. will check back in a while k?

strait 02-25-2002 01:44 PM

Re: Getting worse
If you tell me your medications and the dosages I can help you out. Most importantly do not abruptly quit taking your medications. The best thing to do is to taper off of them, that way you're less likely to experience the discomfort of withdrawl.

I've been where you're at and I've found some great ways to recover. Tell me a little about your symptoms and how you feel both mentally and physically. I'll be more than happy to give you some ideas. Take care of yourself!

Unregistered 02-25-2002 01:46 PM

Re: Getting worse

I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. Hang in there and hang tough....

I understand your need to talk to someone directly.

We'll be here for you.



Eggie 02-25-2002 04:45 PM

Re: Getting worse

Wish I could be sitting with you right now and just sharing stories. I know you need someone to talk to. I used to go to a therapist once a week. The county used to send a van after me. But then I got too scared to ride in the van.

Sending love and hugs.

chris c 02-25-2002 05:04 PM

Re: Getting worse
It sounds as if you are having a tough time with your doctor and need a thearpist or counsellor. My heart goes out to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Take the advice RE your medication as you should never abruptly stop it. You could end up with worse problems. Best of luck and (((HUGS))) Chris xx

speck 02-25-2002 05:07 PM

Re: Getting worse
to a dear friend-micro!!
i'm sorry i've not been here for you until now-been away from the computer.

i'm really sorry that your feeling this way at the moment!!
I really think that you need to find someone you can trust to talk to which i understand is hard for you considering your past experience!! (did you ever report that?)
anyway as someone has rightly said (sorry names not my expertise the moment) you shouldnt just stop drugs with out gradually reducing the dosage!! i myself have made that BIG mistake a few times!! also there is a possibility that it may well be something besides the meds causing the nausea-anything from ear probs, nose, throat etc...
I really do hope that despite wanting help from someone face to face you can still continue to ask us for support!!
i hope that things improve for you soon!!

take care & remember dont go it alone... ask for help if you need it!!!

chris c 02-25-2002 05:27 PM

Re: Getting worse
It sounds as if you are having a tough time with your doctor and need a thearpist or counsellor. My heart goes out to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Take the advice RE your medication as you should never abruptly stop it. You could end up with worse problems. Best of luck and (((HUGS))) Chris xx

micro 02-26-2002 10:59 AM

Re: Getting worse
Went to a psychologist yesterday. He helped. And got back on my meds. At least the crying stopped. But the stress will make me break out within the next week or so (I can hardly wait <IMG SRC=""> ). The nausea has not come back yet. I'm wondering if the bad nausea I felt last week was a result of having the flu on top of taking my meds. Who knows.
Will be seeing my med doc at the end of the week. So we'll see what happens.
But the DUMBEST thing I could have done was to stop the meds cold turkey. I know better than that (well evidently I don't or I wouldn't have done it in the first place).
I've missed talking to everyone here. Glad to see Speck (I saw Specky in another post - I like that), Simby, Zafu, Eggie (don't know if I've talked to you or not), Chris C and Strait are still around and actively on the board. Haven't seen much of Jaxxx though. Hope everyone is doing better that I was yesterday.
Strait, I'm on 150 mg of Effexor, 30 mg of Buspar, and 50 mg of Trazadone per day. From what I've read from others, this is not as much as others have taken.
Just to let you know, I was very active 20 years ago, played baseball, golf, tennis, raquetball and bowling. But it seems that every time I move to a new area, the activities declined. I stopped all activities about 11 years ago when I moved from South Carolina to Indianapolis and haven't gotten into them since. But I also no longer have the close friendships that I had when I was younger either.
You know the kind, those friends who call you and say "Lets go play a round", or "the game's at 7pm tonight". I miss that. Most the people who I know now, either have spouses that they do things with, or complain about everything around them (those are the single ones). My living situation doesn't help. Several of my neighbors (I think) feel it is their duty to tell me how miserable they are. I've always been an easy person to talk to. I think I must have one of those faces (you know the type - Where it says "Please tell me all your woes" on your forehead). I usually don't mind listening, but these people NEVER have anything good to say about their days.
I've got one neighbor (who I really don't talk to anymore) who when she would ask how my day was, as soon as I would mention anything, would then tell me about how bad her day was. She never would really listen to me, so I gave up talking to her a long time ago. She did stop me the other day, when she noticed she had no electricity in her apartment (she had not paid her bill). Asked if I had power, which I did. She then stood there with a look on her face like she expected me to do something about her situation.
Yea, I'm a millionaire, and I'll just cover your overdue utility bills. Hey, while I'm at it, I'll just pay all your bills, buy you a new car, and take you shopping at Saks. Better buy you a house so you can get out of the apartment complex, complete with a pool, tennis courts, yacht dock, and heliport.
Sorry, didn't mean to start getting so sarcastic. Just venting. I feel much better now.

<IMG SRC=""> <IMG SRC=""> <IMG SRC="">

Hope I've got my demons <IMG SRC=""> under control. What I need is a smile with a fire hose. <IMG SRC="">
Talk soon <IMG SRC="">

Unregistered 02-26-2002 11:11 AM

Re: Getting worse
Hi Micro,

Good to see you posting some smilies!

Let's all 'hang in there' together and see how we can help each other.

Please never stop 'cold-turkey' again - a close friend of mine almost did something stupid when she came off 225mg Effexor point blank.......

Good to see you here, my friend.

zafu-y <IMG SRC="">

micro 02-26-2002 11:59 AM

Re: Getting worse
Thanks Zafu. Still feel funny though. Like I might just lose it any time now. But I am feeling better. Yea, cold turkey was not an intelligent move on my part. After starting the meds again, I realized how much the meds are really helping (well other than the nausea of course). I guess I just kinda feel like hibernating for a while. But that would be the wrong thing to do.
Hope you're doing well. From your post, you sound good.
I think I remember hearing something big going on in London right now, but don't remember much. Could be current events or some kind of celebration. Just wish I could remember.
My sister thinks she's going to talk me into traveling to England with her to help restore an old castle of some sort. While I'd love to go, I don't know much about castles. She really thinks it would be cool if the castle was haunted (you ask me, that's what she's more interested in). But there are no such things as ghosts. I've been to a few places that were supposedly haunted and never saw a thing. If they are haunted, they must be scared of me then.
Have a great evening Zafu!!

speck 02-26-2002 05:40 PM

Re: Getting worse
hey micro!! glad to see your getting yourself back on track!!
hmm castle refurbishment!! has she seen the castles in england??? they are either huge & extremly expensive or in ruins!! (i've been in lots & i must admit i've not come across any ghosts (yet!-hehe)

take care keep smilin!!
luv t all!! specky

Jaxxx 02-26-2002 09:52 PM

Re: Getting worse

Sorry I havent been around much. Been busy with school and stuff - which by the way is going GREAT! We get to spoon feed each other cornflakes next week. Hehehe. should be a laugh. (Im doing a science degree in nursing)

So you havent been doing too great lately huh? YOU GOOSE! Cold turkey on EFFEXOR! Ack. I forgot to take my tabs one day at uni and I felt like crap all day. But we live and learn huh? Good to see you're back on them. Does it worry you that we're like so dependent on them? I worry that I'll have to take it for the rest of my life. I try to think, hey is an illness, just like asthma, and you'll have to take the medication to get better. But sometimes I feel really bad about being on it. Like, you know...sigh..

Your neighbour sounds pretty wierd. Im trying to think of something really wierd that you could do while talking to her, so that she'd freak out or something...but I cant...Sorry, creativity has gone home for the day.

That castle thing sounds cool. Id love to have a castle. Id run to the top and yell out "Im the king of the castle and youre the dirty rascal". But thats just me. Im a little strange. I think when I was little we went to England and walked through a couple of display castles. I think I was bored. *shrugg* C'mon I was ten, all I thought about was lollies. hahah jk. I dunno what I thought about then. I miss being little though. I miss being entertained for an afternoon just by doing handstands in the backyard and making cubby houses for my dogs. Oh and Mud Pies. They were always fun to make - and messy!!!

Anyways, Im rambling. I think Im going crazy actually. IM so scared of ghosts. Ive never come across any, but it doesnt mean Im not frightened of them! heheh

Anyways, i see from your other post that you're doing better - thats great Micro. Stay with the meds this time!! <IMG SRC="">

Take it easy man!
<IMG SRC="">

Unregistered 02-27-2002 02:37 AM

Re: Getting worse
Hi Micro,

It's the 50th anniversary of the Queen's ascent to the throne this year...I reckon that's the celebration you're thinking of. The reaction to it is pretty quiet here because of the number of scandals in the royal family over the last few years. It's a shame because the Queen herself has done a great job and has sacrificed her personal freedom for her country. I'm not in any way a 'Royalist' but appreciate what they do for the economy <IMG SRC="">

If you do come to England you must come and say hi and have a cup of finest tea and some cucumber sandwiches <IMG SRC="">

Hope you are still doing good.......

zafu <IMG SRC="">

micro 02-27-2002 10:20 AM

Re: Getting worse
Sorry to hear you're so busy Jaxxx. But maybe that's a good thing. To keep busy and not dwell on your anxieties and depression. Good for you!! Feeding cornflakes??? I take it you're learning how to help feed people who cannot feed themselves after surgeries or the such. I'm just guessing.
I wish I didn't have to take meds to be better. I understand how you feel. But I guess its just like being on blood pressure meds or others.
I'm so glad you answered back. I needed a boost today and you helped give one to me. I found out last night that my grandmother died. She was 101 years old, so it was somewhat expected. She had not been in good health for the last 6 months. I love my grandmother so much. I'll miss her badly. The only problem is I won't be able to go to her funeral. It's tomorrow and about 700 miles from here (she lived in West Virginia in a very beautiful part of the state). But I figure I can go sometime during the summer and have my own little service at our family cemetery.
But to coin a phrase from "A Few Good Men" - And the hits just keep on comin'!! I'm doing a decent job of keeping my spirits up today. I just think about how wonderful it is to talk to people like yourself here on this site.
I feel that I can communicate best with Speck, Simby, Zafu, and Strait (as well as yourself). All five of you help give me what I need. Understanding, sympathy (but not too much), strength, and helping to develope my will power and motivation. And Strait, though he's only 21, has put just the right amount of (how can I put this) scolding?? (there is a better word, just can't think of it right now) without getting too down on me or personal. Come to think of it, you've done that too (and I thank you for it).
Ok, I'm getting a bit mushy here (ACK!!). I like that you reminisced about your childhood a bit. You brought back memories of my childhood, when we children made mud pies (about 50 of them) and tried to sell them to all our neighbors. When we could not sell them, we left on on everyone's porch in our neighborhood (some were upset, but most found the humor).
The castle restoration sounds good. Just nervous about traveling to a foreigh country (never done it before - not even Canada or Mexico).
Speck - I think my sister is speaking about run down castles (the ones in ruins). I'm not very handy with my hands though. I'd probably somehow accidently knock down a tower or something. But it does sound interesting.
Zafu - You,ve got a deal. Just can't have the cucumbers (allergies) or the tea (allergic to caffeine), but we'll figure something out.
This is getting too long, so I'll say "Happy Day to All". Keep your head up out of the water. Don't look back. You all have given me strength. I hope that I may return the favor. <IMG SRC=""> <IMG SRC=""> <IMG SRC=""> <IMG SRC="">

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