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  • What is counseling like?

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    Old 04-05-2011, 08:15 AM   #1
    alwayzme
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    Unhappy What is counseling like?

    Hi all. I'm 26 and I've been dealing with depression my whole life. But to put a time line on it, let's say since 16- the time I had my first real depressive outburst.

    I guess I'm what you would call a high functioning depressive. I get out of bed and go to work, and do what I have to do. As much as it hurts me to, as much as I don't want. As much as I don't want to speak and just be a zombie, I have to do it. But I am an empty shell with no goals, desires, motivation, energy, and as of recently, no kind of conversation skills. I feel very indifferent towards everything and have nothing to say or do. I can't even play a game on my phone because I feel so blank. I don't know how to explain it. I just can't think of what to do. Even when I'm surfing the net, I don't find anything to look up so I just stare at the monitor. Or have a radio station on without noticing what's on, or stare at the TV before it connects in my head what I am watching.

    Half the time, I talk myself out of my catatonics moods. I wouldn't mind staying there. Completely immobile. But I'm actually quite rational so I kinda 'think myself out of it'. I then pretend to have a normal day. But for every 'normal' day I have, the harder the next couple of days are.

    I would really like ECT. I think a jolt like that will get me out of this hole. But I hear it's expensive.

    So what is counseling like? Do I just talk and talk and talk? Does the therapist ask me questions? It's hard for me to talk about my 'problems', because I don't really have any. I just feel the way that I feel and know I don't want to feel this way anymore. I mean, I have little goals that I wish to accomplish through therapy, which are just day to day stuff that I can't get done because I'm busy being a zombie with no energy. Some are hygiene related. Some are getting me out of the house. Talking and communicating with the outside world. etc.

    I just don't understand how therapy could help. I'm at the point where I want to get help. I don't want to feel this way. But I just don't understand how counseling could work...

    Any help is appreciated.

     
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    Old 04-05-2011, 08:51 AM   #2
    snowangle909
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    Re: What is counseling like?

    Hi. I'm 18 and have been in counseling a few times for depression (including now). I think it is a great help. This last time I went to the counselor, it was because I was feeling depressed for no apparent reason. But counselors are amazing people. They seem to know all the right questions to ask. So yes, he/she will ask you questions, and you don't have to feel any pressure on how you answer. My counselor likes me because she says I'm "honest and I don't sugar coat things." Like, when she asked me why I didn't used to have a good relationship with my family, I straight up told her "because I was 13 and a brat." They appreciate that.

    So don't worry! The therapy will help! Good luck.
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    Old 04-06-2011, 11:50 AM   #3
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    Re: What is counseling like?

    I see a therapist myself, a psychologist to be precise. Counseling tends to go along the lines of, excluding your initial visit, which will be mostly learning basic details about your life and what you feel your "reason" to see the counselor is:


    1: How have you been since the last visit?
    2: Has anything in particular changed? Medication, living conditions, relationships?
    3: Have any such changes affected you positively or negatively, and if so, which ones, and how?
    4: Do you feel particularly bad about anything going on right now?
    5: Do you feel particularly good about anything else?
    6: Is there anything we haven't covered that you'd like to talk about?

    Throughout this question/answer session, and yes, there will be questions, the therapist will likely give you advice, stemming both from professional and personal experiences. Part of what makes a therapist so great is that they're generally a completely different person from yourself, and will have different ideas, and generally more professional, encouraging reactions. These men and women have to go through a lot of schooling and light duty before being certified to work professionally, so they know what they're talking about, and likely have seen any given situation a few times. If they haven't, they'll almost always tell you, and possibly refer you to someone who has, or at least try their hardest to work with you. In short, therapists are there to provide therapy; relief of stress, an outlet for emotion, and a place to talk without being under the constraints of "normal" society. It's helpful, and if you're up to it, I would strongly advise going through with it. It'll be worth it in the end, when you begin leaving the office feeling happier, in-tune with yourself, and and best of all, confident in the doctor's advice.

     
    Old 04-06-2011, 01:26 PM   #4
    alwayzme
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    Re: What is counseling like?

    Thanks snowangel for sharing your experience. I hope you are doing better now a days.

    Another, I saw a psychologist yesterday. It was actually our 2nd consult, but I just don't understand exactly how this whole process is supposed to go. While I suspected I was a 'high functioning' depressant, I didn't know this was actually possible and I kinda just termed myself like that because I don't know how else to describe myself. She had me do a word association thing. Aside of obvious things that I have 'issues' with, most of the test showed that I've been depressed for a really long time.

    I'm scared that I won't ever get better because I know what better means, but I just can't do it (which apparently was obvious by the test). Everything she tells me is obvious to me. I know what she's saying. It's what I've been telling myself my whole life. I know not to be impulsive if I want to. I know not to self harm. I know what's wrong and I know what's right. I know I have to take a shower, even if I can't. I know I shouldn't sit in a chair in a lethargic/ catatonic state so I try not to do it. But my desirability to simply not want to exist does not go away. And I'm constantly thinking/ talking myself out of being depressed. I am just so exhausted of fighting with myself just go on with life. Every single action I take is a result of a inner battle. I know the way things are supposed to be, so I have to get it done. Even if inside it's killing me. In theory, I know what I have to do. And I've done it. So really, what else is left? How can I deprogram when essentially and fundamentally everything is correct? How can therapy help . I can do whatever they want me to do. But at the end of the day, I don't care and have any natural feelings or desires. I wish I could describe it better.

    I think I need something more aggressive. As aggressive as it comes. Like a lobotomy. At least that way my feelings will match up and I won't worry/ think about it.

     
    Old 04-06-2011, 03:16 PM   #5
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    Re: What is counseling like?

    A lobotomy is a very extreme procedure, and isn't even really a solution these days. It was done to "cure" so-called "crazy" people, and all it really did was render them a living zombie. You can't fully recover from that.

    That aside, the therapy will help. It's only been two sessions. Let your therapist know how you feel after these two sessions. They can help you work this through a lot better than we can. We know, though, from experience, that it does work over time. As much as you might not believe it, you can reprogram what's there to be even more efficient than it is now. It's a hard battle. It truly is a fight against your own mind. Stay the course, and never give in to the fear, sadness, or anger. You're not alone, and you never will be.

     
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