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neveragain444 04-07-2011 08:15 AM

My family is just too much
I look at my immediate family and it is so evident to me as to why I developed severe depressive disorder 11 yrs ago and could not deal with "abuse" in a normal way, or my health problems for all that matters. I'm angry. The last thing I want to be is anything like them. I'm going to end up moving out of state and I'm not going to come back.

Where do I begin?? My oldest sister is bipolar. She's a hoe in every sense of the word, very selfish, her and her husband both give their 16 year old son pot and alcohol. They gave pot to my nephew recently and he was sent home being high like that, he had an allergic reaction and was going into what I believe shock while trying to drive home. He could have died. He is a big boy (21), he's old enough to make his own decisions, but I am still so angry at her for doing this. She snorts lortab daily. She let my 16 yr old neice snort it with her. When I went to her house for thanksgiving dinner, she was trying to give my nephew liquor, and I told her no, he had to drive my daughter & I home, well as soon as we went outside to leave, she lets him guzzle it down. To make matters worse, my father died from a drug overdose (angel dust) drowing in a creek when I was about 9 yrs old. So how did stupid hit her so bad, is beyond me. Her husband fondled my neice, he failed a lie detector to prove otherwise.

My twin sister, 6 kids, no job, too stupid to know what birth control means, with every kid she had, she was neglectant toward them, she never showed her kids the kind of love a mother should show a child. She had 3 kids, got married and had 3 more. The husband is so strict, that these kids couldn't take a pea or make a sandwich without him giving them the okay. Sitting in a corner from the time they wake up until they go to sleep. My neice's hair was tied to her waist so she wouldn't move while looking up in the air and holding her leg up while she was made to excessively stand in the corner for long periods of time. They made her eat mustard and fed her even while puking from it. He burned her with a match. She said he tried to put his hands down her pants. A tv show was going to let us go on, give him a lie detector, to prove this one way or the other, my sister and her husband refused to do it. He's been on drugs, they smoke pot, he's so lazy all he wants to do is lay around every day and smoke that crap, and cry I'm disabled when he's not. Will not work, they sponge from DHHR. My sister is now in school taking classes, I mean it took long enough after 21 years with kids. He's left bruises all over them. Her son's had excessive days of school missed staying home babysitting. Both ended up dropping out. I've called CPS, I alerted the school, they've called CPS, when they saw bruising, all these two have to do is make up some dumb excuse and they get out of everything. Now they've had a bolder hit their trailer, I'm thinking the place they are living is just unsafe at this point for the kids.

My mom took her 3 oldest kids, and I helped that happen. But she has lived hell since.

My nephew (twin sister's son), I believe he was born a sociopath. He has threatened to kill since he was old enough to walk. A while back, he was threatening to kill my mom again, and we've already had him in riverpark for this stuff, and I told him stop or I'd file a mental hygeine on him. He got scared, moved out of her house, but he bought a gun and threatened to bring it out here so I socked a restraining order on him. He's a thief, he lies, he pees on himself during the night, he will make horrific lies on someone regardless of how it affects them. Like he blamed a family member for trying to molest him, and it was so he could move back here, cause his mom sent him away and he was crying when he came in to visit, saying no one wanted him, and was threatening to kill himself, and all that, well I proved 100% that he was lying about this other family member. And he will tell you the guy never actually touched him, that he was just rubbing his leg and wanting to, but that's nothing to the sick stuff he told once before. It was without a doubt a lie.

My neice is bisexual now. Pretty much open her legs up to you if you just beg her a little while, doesn't matter if she wants to or not. I always loved this kid to death but we cannot get along lately because of the way she's acting. She's getting high all the time, she's also a thief, steels stuff from her own family. Maybe I'm too judgemental on her, but I think what she is doing is just nasty and disgusting, and it hurts me to see her this way. She even had a thing going on with her cousin for along time. My mom wouldn't let them put him in jail though he was of age, he got off on provation charges and will be known as a sexual offender the rest of his life. This is the kid that said my brother in law tried to put his hands on her, and said my other brother in law did. Now with these stories, both are very likely to be true.

My mom, she is not someone I want to say anything about, but it just gets me how she is always complaining about all this stuff, but yet, she will not do one thing to change it. She's let those kids by with everything, she lets them cuss her and treat her like a dog, and takes it, and talks like if she died tomorrow, it would be no big deal, but she won't stick her foot down and do anything. She did not like it when I put a restraining order on my nephew. She does not like it if my nephew tells her my neice is getting high or whatever, she looks at it as a putdown toward her, doesn't want to here it. If I tell her things I know, she gets mad.

They want me to overlook this stuff and not say anything, that is very hard to do. I am always considered sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. With my neice, I try to talk some sense into her but it does no good. I'm looked at like I'm a dog because I can't accept her being Bi. And it really isn't a gay issue, she is so slutty. I would never say that to her face, but it's true.

It might take me a couple of years, but I honestly can't wait to move away from here.

Next holiday family gathering, I will not go, I know my mom will blow spit balls out over this but I cannot stand the thoughts of being around them (not her, just the rest of them).

The only immediate family member I have with any sense is my brother, he left when he was 18 and joined the military for 20 yrs. The smartest thing he ever did was leave.

mytrose43 04-07-2011 08:47 AM

Re: My family is just too much
Wow I am so sorry that you are going thru all this with your family.I have had some simular situations over the years and yes it is so very depressing all I can say is good luck and i hope you do get away from it . It does not seem that it is doing you any good at all ,once again i wish you luck and hope it all works out for you,

rosequartz 04-07-2011 08:53 AM

Re: My family is just too much
yes sounds like your family is the poster family for dysfunction.....
you're smart to want to get away from that.....
the sooner the better!

neveragain444 04-07-2011 05:13 PM

Re: My family is just too much
My oldest sister is spending all her money on drugs too, I've heard, and not buying groceries for her kids. The son is eating a baked potato every day and the daughter nothing. She's younger, I feel like her staying there is going to head into disaster. My sister is a hoard, she won't clean anything, my nephew said her house is reaping of roaches. There's still a kid here to save, I feel like I need to do something.

writeleft 04-07-2011 06:09 PM

Re: My family is just too much
I think the best thing you can do is focus on yourself, because before you can help anyone (including yourself), you need to be your best. Do you have children? Are you being treated for your depression?

I don't know how anyone could possibly have a moment of peace with all that going on around you. Since you already have health issues, all this addition stress is not helping you a bit, and the sooner you can relieve yourself of this unwanted burden, the better.

I think your plan to relocate is a good one, putting miles between you and your family will provide a nice barrier to protect you and your health.

Since I have been dealing with major health issues myself, I have had to make some tough choices about who I want to surround myself with, but I cannot emphasize enough what a huge difference it has made in my life ...without any negativity, any complainers, and other self centered people. It is a matter of self preservation, which we all need to provide for ourselves.

neveragain444 04-08-2011 04:31 AM

Re: My family is just too much
I think my depression is pretty mild right now, things get me upset, I cry sometimes, I don't know if I can really relate that to the depression or just a normal feeling. The anxiety has been a bit bad so I will probably start taking my lexapro. I always have that if I need it. I never did get a call to get back in therapy and I never did call back and check on it but I think I'll be fine without it. My health problems are finally getting the attention I need, I'll get treated properly now, I might get well enough that I can work again, if I do, I'm moving to Virginia, SC or somewhere, I'll move off even if I can't work but it won't be as far off. I have resources for help if I continue to stay disabled. And your right, I don't need the stress of trying to deal with my family anymore. Stress is an ugly thing. I think it's taken a huge impact on how bad I've felt. It causes autoimmune flares. Yes I do have kids. My youngest is going to florida in a couple of years and she doesn't want me following her. It's not that I don't want to. But I guess there comes a time you have to let go. :( And my son doesn't live here anymore, he's getting ready to come home from germany and locate in NC or somewhere close by. The thing with my family, it is hard for me to blow off and just focus on myself. I am not really sure how to do that. I think it would be easier if I move and I just won't have to here about their nonsense all the time. I wish I could help them but most of the time, they don't want your help. I hate my sisters and in the same sense still care to an extent. I will never talk to either one of them again but it bothers me it has to be that way. I just wish they'd quit being so stupid. If they'd straighten up and change, I would talk to them, but the way they are right now, it isn't going to happen. I don't blame the kids for the problems they have, I know it was through bad parenting. But I am ashamed to even be related to my sisters. How does a person mistreat children or try to turn them to drugs and have any soul in them at all. They both deserve to be locked up in jail for child abuse.

krazy2day 04-09-2011 02:37 AM

Re: My family is just too much
It sounds like you've managed to survive some huge obastables. I'm really sorry you've had to endure it all.

Doing so makes you a very strong person!! Be proud of yourself.

About your sister.. maybe you do need to do something... have them do a well-check on those children. If her house is that dirty and the kids aren't eating, or eating potatos daily.. they will intervene (at least they'll make sure they're eating and cleaning the house up... and no new bruises, etc).

I didn't catch how old you were but moving does sound like a good idea. Like the one person said.. you must take care of yourself first. Hang in there and keep your head high.

keenobserver 04-09-2011 04:16 AM

Re: My family is just too much
Hi neveragain444,
Just wondering, how did you and your brother escape the weird lifestyle your parents have given to the rest of your sibblings? You seem to have been able to analyse everything from a slightly neutral point of view. At the same time you are putting blame on your parents for your family and your parents but in reality this only put answers and no solutions. You have found a way around your problem which is to stay away from your family. Even if you live in the same town as them, do you think it is possible to meet them with your own agenda, i.e. meet them once a month, give a visit for a particular amount of time and then continue on with your life?

writeleft, I might want to move out of the place where my mother is, recently I moved out of UK to live with my mother as my father died last year. Its been a while but I just think that living separately will make her very lonely but I will have some peace of my own. Do you have any opinion around this?

neveragain444 04-09-2011 10:13 AM

Re: My family is just too much
krazy2day, thanks. I'm 40, old enough. lol. Not everyone in my family is like that, I have family members I love to death. keenobserver, did I really escape the madness? I may be doing okay with the depression right now but I had severe depression for along time + suicidal. I don't know if that qualifies me as escaping anything. I don't put blame on my parents. My dad, I may think was retarded for doing drugs and leaving 4 kids to do so, but I never wanted to do drugs because of him so you have to give him one up for that. I don't even remember him. My mom, I love very much. But it gets frustrating. You try to help, she gets mad. She's so negative, you cannot sit down and have a conversation with her without hearing about all that stuff that's going on. Then she starts talking stuff like she wouldn't care if she died tomorrow. By that point, I want to knock my head in the wall. It's not just a once in awhile thing, it is every single time I'm around her. I know she's stressed, and no one would put up with her grandchildren the way they've acted, but she keeps doing it. It bothers me though, instead of sticking her foot down like she should have done, all they have to do is talk to her like a dog and she caves in. And I don't care if your a parent, guardian, whatever, you do what you have to, to make sure your kids aren't doing things they shouldn't be, you make sure they are properly taken care of, or find someone who will do it. You don't just let it go. I don't blame my parents, I blame the kids parents. How was they supposed to grow up and live any kind of productive life when their parents can't even show them love. Yes I think moving would build a barrier. I don't want to cut myself off from them completely, well except my two sisters, but I just don't want surrounded by the ignorance anymore. My mom depends on me alot too to help her, and I always do. I think it's going to hurt her if I leave, she does have my nephew to help if she needs it, but I don't know. It is a hard choice to make. If you think your mom would be okay without you around, I think it would be okay. If it's just loneliness, you could always call her alot. Get her a cat or puppy or something to keep her company. They are great for that. My 4 are like little kids around here. Ultimately, you need to do what makes you happy. If she's unable to take care of herself, you kind of have to step in and do it, or the other choice of a nursing home. Personally I would never want to tie my kids down to taking care of me someday. I might be in early stages of alzheimer's. I think the day is coming, but I would never want to burden them with such a thing.

krazy2day 04-09-2011 06:53 PM

Re: My family is just too much
Oooh wow, if I were you, I'd stay on the lexapro and sign back up for counseling. You need help trying to figure out 'how' to go on. I'm not saying ignore family, I'm just saying learn how and when to deal with them. Those issues have to weigh heavy on you and its not okay to let them hold you back. You also said you were on disability, that alone can cause additional duress. Let someone help you get the rest of the way through this and do the counseling (if you can).

writeleft 04-09-2011 07:53 PM

Re: My family is just too much
I agree with the idea of staying on your medications, and using a regular schedule of taking them.

The idea of taking your prescribed meds as your symptoms appear is not the way to get the most benefit from the medication. They are meant to be taken daily, as close to the same hour as possible. That way the level of medication your doctor feels is best for you, stays in your systems at that level.

Medications such as Lexapro (I take it too) need a few weeks to get into your blood stream, and then you just have to maintain them with your daily dose. Lexapro is not one of those medications meant to "take as needed"...quite the opposite, in fact. Just a suggestion here...

keenobserver 04-10-2011 10:29 AM

Re: My family is just too much
I can see that there is a lot of anger in you for your family problems. Your siblings probably started the drugs after seeing your father start it. I can see that you would not go against them and call social services or make a complaint to the local authorities regarding them. I think by going away from them you are protecting yourself from being/seeing such people that you care about but cannot do anything about in their current situation.
About my situation, well I think I somehow need to make my mother realise that I live a different lifestyle which she would not recommend. After all I think she comes from a very social and caring background which I have learned to live without and actually prefer being available in my time only.

noteethsoon 04-11-2011 05:21 PM

Re: My family is just too much
You could have my family.

I am treated like a total moron, loser, and failure. Everytime I'm in the same postal code as them they get all upset. My mom throws temper tantrums, yells, and gets upset over every little thing. She doesn't have one nice thing to say about not having to work half of her life. I'm halfway to my CGA (accounting licence). I work full-time, I go to the gym, I do homework in my spare time. I ask for pictures of my niece and my brother gets his back up like I'm going to do something illegal with them. But don't forget about the gifts I buy for him and his family. I am consistently cut off from everyone. It's at the point I don't even regard them as family, they're more like strangers to me now. Today is my birthday. They decided to storm over and leave an envelope and take off. They did the same thing at christmas. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me.

I have no friends either. I have dental problems that are going to cost me my life savings to fix. I could go on and on about my problems. But I'm depressing everyone.

On the bright side, I have an education goal I'm working towards. I'm proud of the work I've done thus far. I've made a lot of sacrifices along the way, and I know one day I'll be glad I did. I don't own a home, but I have enough money to pay my rent and save a little at the end of the month. Hopefully this next year will be a bit better than the last. I'm still living so there must be a bigger reason for all of this crap I'm going through right now.

Sorry to depress everyone. Thanks for listening.

keenobserver 04-11-2011 11:07 PM

Re: My family is just too much
Hi noteethsoon,
Sorry to hear about your problems. I understand that you dont feel that your family treats you well, perhaps they are going through something similar to you. Depression makes people avoid things they want to do. I think if you try to show them that you understand them and why they do the things they do they wont actually acknoledge you instead just push you to a corner.
I think I am in a similar situation but even though my family treats me physically well, i.e. buy me things and treat me to places, I dont feel comfortable spending time with them. As I am the youngest, if there is any problem that I face or I get into, I get yelled at, called names as well. This was when I was younger. When I lived alone whenever I would meet my family members, I would always sense that there would be a sense of dissatisfaction. They assume that I mean good like they do for others whereas in reality I have no consideration for them.
Similar to you, I dont really have any friends and every time I make new friends, one way or another I dont continue to be friends with them. Whats worse is when I would fancy someone, due to my friendship issues, I feel I have no idea how to be close to somemone.
Sorry if all this sounds dull but I have learnt to live life without having people I enjoy being around me. Wish you the best in your education and hope your dental problems get fixed. Thanks

neveragain444 04-12-2011 11:47 AM

Re: My family is just too much
The depression is in the past. Only time I get upset now, if it something happens to get me that way, and I get over it. I think that is perfectly normal for anyone. I took a test online the other day for depression, passed it with flying colors, all those ways I viewed my life, worthless, meaningless, and all that, I don't feel that way anymore. Sometimes I could use a swift kick in my hiney, but otherwise I'm doing good. Sometimes the stress and anxiety can be a little ugly but I know if I am in the shape if I need medication/councelling or what not, and I am pretty much okay right now. If I need help later on, I'll go get it. I know depression always has it's way of coming back. My health stinks but I am managing with that too. Got two doctors I see next week I think will be able to do me wonders with feeling better.

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