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Feel like my spirit is gone

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Old 10-16-2011, 10:55 PM   #1
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Fibrana HB User
Feel like my spirit is gone

Hi everyone,

Just want to vent. I feel like something huge like spirit has gone after the past few years of experiencing major health problems out of the blue and family problems. I am 49 and my problems started about 4 years ago at 45.

I am currently on Effexor 225 mg plus Buspar 10 mg 2x per day. Also on lorazepam 2 mg, Imuran, Tecta, etc.

It all started with an abscess on my butt about 3 years ago after my stepmother died and I had to look after my father. Kept getting abscesses, went for painful colonoscopies, was in the hospital for 9 days with extreme abdominal pain and fevers, etc. Anyway, was eventually diagnosed with Crohn's disease this past December after 3 years. Also, was diagnosed with emphysema and bursitis of both knees and hips, etc. etc. It's been too much!!!! I can't handle all of this. I never feel good and am in pain a lot.

I feel like my life is over in some way. I've been on sick leave for 8 months! I can't believe this! I've always worked, for over 30 years! After all these health problems, plus major depression, I may be off forever.

I am on strong drugs for Crohn's (Imuran) which makes you feel sick. It's an anti-rejection drug that they give kidney transplant patients. I have to be so careful of germs, etc. Also, with the Crohn's, I have to watch what I eat. Then, with the hip and knee pains I went for steroids shots which caused heavy periods for 24 days! I thought I was in menopause after 9+ months with no period. My body has a hard time with steroids.

How can I be on all these antidepressants and still be depressed? I feel like I don't have long to live and want to make the most of it. It's hard to be dedicated to exercise, diet, etc.

The funny thing is that I just got engaged over a week ago and my fiance is phenomenal, but I just feel like it's too late. How many years will we have together? I'm always complaining about my pains and medictions, etc. He must be an awesome guy to put up with me! lol

I have been in therapy for 5 years now. Also, my dad and I had an argument almost 2 years and haven't spoken. This hurts so much. I reached out to him twice and he ignored it. Wow! So hard to have a father totally disregard you. He didn't raise me, but has been in my life all along.

Oh well, just wanted to vent. How do I deal with all of this? Major medical problems and family problems? I do not think I can work any more because I am so fatigued from all the drugs I am on. After being up about 2 hours, I just want to lay down and rest.

Any help out here? I just need to understand hope to cope with sudden major medical health problems? I used to be so energetic and outgoing, and now I just feel defeated and tired.

Thanks for reading my story.

Last edited by Fibrana; 10-16-2011 at 11:03 PM.

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Old 10-18-2011, 08:21 AM   #2
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Re: Feel like my spirit is gone

Seems like you are a serious medical patient and yet manage a successful relationship! Just wondering though, is there a chance of reducing your medicine? A lot of them may negate the effect of the other.
I know your fiancee has been there for you but you have not mentioned much about your relationship. There must be times when you both have really good activities together. Also what might help is having a good conversation with him because you could see what he wants and you both can develop your relationship further thus making both of you happier. This is only a possibility and things wont necessarily turn out that way.
Keep hanging in there, take care of yourself. Thanks

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