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  • How do I stop this downward spiral...

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    Old 11-18-2011, 02:41 AM   #1
    Hemm
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    How do I stop this downward spiral...

    Sorry, I just really need somewhere to vent right now....

    I just can't get my head around my life right now. There are days in my life right now where I'm laid back, relaxed, and love the life that God has given to me, and on other days, where I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, the feeling of completely being frustrated with myself, my inability to do the right thing, and just the feeling of failure.

    Throughout my teenage years, I bottled up my emotions and I really haven't come to terms with it yet. On the outside, someone might describe me as extroverted, self-deprecating, audacious, immodest, a great person and friends would say that "I'm the guy who's friends with everyone". Yet during those teenage years, I just felt that I was inadequate as a son, as a brother, as a friend and as a student. While I'd find it incredibly easy to overcome the obstacle of entering a relationship with a girl, I just could never have them last very long. And it came to the point where I knew I was depressed.. I just would never admit it to others or even accept it myself. It all came crashing down in my first University year. I was in miserable, I couldn't stand others, and I got kicked out. I felt that I was sheltered throughout my entire life by my parents that ultimately.. it felt that I wasn't ready for the world.

    And then.. it felt like a happy ending. I got out of my hometown and moved out to Victoria. Living by myself, the motivation to do well when others want to see you fail, it kept me going. It felt like I found my purpose, my goal in life, my career and 'my depression' went away. With my first year of University written in the books here, I absolutely annihilated my grades, I was doing the best in school for the first time in my life. While my situation with women didn't get any better, I knew in my mind, that once I can't be happy with a woman if I can't be happy with myself. While in my younger years I'd play the blame game, and ask why me, now I know that life isn't always a walk on the beach, there's going to be obstacles, but it's about tackling them head on and not being defeated.

    Fast forward two years later and my motivation, and my effort seems to be on the decline. My third year here at this University has alot more variables than the first, I feel like I can't stop playing video games, I now have a TV, and I won't say I'm an alcoholic, but I feel like all of these variables are my way to escape from something, and I just don't know what it is.

    I want to say that I'm not depressed but I fear that I am. My grades aren't exactly the best anymore, I can't seem to motivate myself to do better, people's views of me are starting to affect me again, and I can't sleep.

    I feel like right now, right as I am typing this, is a turning point in my life. Whether I become a successful person or I become dejected and a burden to society. I want to feel success, I want to get through University and complete my degree. I want to love, I want to be a father, and yet these ambitions aren't being translated into action. I am going through this semester barely getting assignments, labs and studying done on time. During moments like these, I tell myself that God is teaching me a lesson to never go through these actions again, and yet time and time again, it repeats. I want it to end. I'm sick and tired of scrapping my way through life when I know that even a little bit of effort in the right direction will lead me to better things.

    As I think about the situation I've been through in my teen years,and my ability to overcome it, it just amazes me. Now that I reflect on what I'm going through in this moment in time.. I can sure as heck get through it. I just feel painful for others going through my situation, because it's not pretty.

    So if you've read this far, seeking to aid me, I apologize. I guess I just need to stop bottling my emotions and perhaps write in a journal or something. I feel like I came here to talk about my inability to do anything, the possibility of it being depression, and to talk about how ****** my life is.. but honestly what do I have to complain about? Damnit I live in a first world country, I'll never deal with starvation, or war, or anything like that. Life is never what I want it to be, but it's not that bad. I still and always will love the life that God has given to me.

    So I guess now.. I'm not looking for advice.. I just want to ask this question. When you've been down in the dumps, feel utterly stressed or just in extended time periods of escape, what gets you out of it and into a better direction?

    Thanks for your time.

    Last edited by Hemm; 11-18-2011 at 02:58 AM.

     
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    Old 11-18-2011, 04:59 AM   #2
    Leegh
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    Re: How do I stop this downward spiral...

    You say you won't say you're an alcoholic. If you drink to some extent that could be a lot of your problem, as alcohol can make one very depressed, after the initial high. In addition, alcohol is nortorious for "broken" sleep, waking up constantly and unable to get back to sleep. Hangovers are no picnic either. For starters, I would eliminate all alcohol, and see if that helps.

     
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    Old 11-18-2011, 08:28 AM   #3
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    Re: How do I stop this downward spiral...

    I COMPLETELY agree with Leegh.Alcohol is a depressant.While it might feel like a stress reliever at the time you drink it,ultimately it is just going to make you feel worse.
    If I even have two glasses of wine,I'm in a kinda down mood for the next few days...and completely unmotivated.Of course many people drink in College,but it sounds like maybe it's having a bad effect on you.

    Also, just a thought on your highs and lows.One minute on top of the world,the next down in the dumps.Have you ever been tested for being bipolar?

     
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    Old 11-18-2011, 05:39 PM   #4
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    Unhappy Re: How do I stop this downward spiral...

    Thank you, both of you. Reflecting on my use of alcohol, i should know better than it just being an escape as it amplifies emotions.. obviously something I shouldn't be taking when im in a foul mood. I looked at the possibility of being bipolar but im never longtermed depressed. I get up on my feet eventually. All in all i need and will try to make permenant good habits.. let's see how I tackle next week.

     
    Old 11-19-2011, 06:29 AM   #5
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    Re: How do I stop this downward spiral...

    I forgot to mention in my earlier post, that I have been taking a B vitamin supplement for about six months called "Nerve Support Formula", (Wellness Support Network, Inc.). It is designed for Neuropathy, but it has a lot of B vitamins in it. I notice a positive difference in my mood after about 20 minutes of taking them, which I haven't noticed with other B vitamins from other manufacturers before. I realize everyone is different, so because they work well for me doesn't necessarily mean that they will work well for everyone.

    Last edited by Leegh; 11-19-2011 at 06:39 AM. Reason: change information

     
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