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severe depression


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Old 05-17-2012, 07:50 PM   #1
lycan
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severe depression

these last few months have been a spiraling emotional rollercoaster. im 26 and diagnosied with ptsd sever clinical depression and all the other good stuff that comes with all that. a few months ago i started out feeling hopeful like i was on top of the world i was gonna start living my life achieve my goals in life start living for the first time since i been back home from the army i felt hope. but when the high of that wore off and reality set in i lost it. that maybe i wont succeed become nothing more than a bum on the street. now i realize thats ware im heading. i still go after these goals just to keep busy but every day it seems farther away. i go to counseling but feel no progress from it. alot of things i given up on especially when it comes to matters of the heart. had the worse luck when it comes to finding the so called rite woman. had my heart broken enough that it feels like i dont have heart any more. i do wanna find that one woman but its like im scared to find her so to speak. im haunted by the deeds of my past that i punished myself for them to ware i feel i lost all human emotion except for anger. im always angry to ware it feels like a complete battle just to do the most easiest rite things to do. i pray and i pray but sometimes i feel like i disgraced god so bad that he deff to my prayers. i smile once a day one true smile thats not fake to shut people up, that one smile comes from that maybe today is the day that i get to leave this world. i just feel i screwed things up in my life so bad that i lost my chance at having a life .

 
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Old 05-31-2012, 04:44 AM   #2
GKA98765
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Re: severe depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by lycan View Post
these last few months have been a spiraling emotional rollercoaster. im 26 and diagnosied with ptsd sever clinical depression and all the other good stuff that comes with all that. a few months ago i started out feeling hopeful like i was on top of the world i was gonna start living my life achieve my goals in life start living for the first time since i been back home from the army i felt hope. but when the high of that wore off and reality set in i lost it. that maybe i wont succeed become nothing more than a bum on the street. now i realize thats ware im heading. i still go after these goals just to keep busy but every day it seems farther away. i go to counseling but feel no progress from it. alot of things i given up on especially when it comes to matters of the heart. had the worse luck when it comes to finding the so called rite woman. had my heart broken enough that it feels like i dont have heart any more. i do wanna find that one woman but its like im scared to find her so to speak. im haunted by the deeds of my past that i punished myself for them to ware i feel i lost all human emotion except for anger. im always angry to ware it feels like a complete battle just to do the most easiest rite things to do. i pray and i pray but sometimes i feel like i disgraced god so bad that he deff to my prayers. i smile once a day one true smile thats not fake to shut people up, that one smile comes from that maybe today is the day that i get to leave this world. i just feel i screwed things up in my life so bad that i lost my chance at having a life .
Hi Lycan:

First, I hope that you are still on this board and will read this reply. Im sorry no one else replied. But it is not you. Many read and few to none reply. Don't know why that is. I hope my post will get more people to think about the fact that you have reached out and no one has responded.

First, I know what you are talking about because I also have severe depression and some other diagnoses as well. PTSD is a toughie also. Have you gone for help because there is help out there even if you don't have great insurance or alot of money. There are many clinics that work on a sliding scale (charge what you can afford). There are alot of drugs for the depression and most people are helped alot. The PTSD ... you can also get therapy and help for. So please do NOT lose hope. There is hope.

Two, God is not punishing you for anything. Many, many good people have had bad things happen to them ... right readers? And many, many "bad" people have had great lives. But, when you are depressed these are some of your thoughts.

You have self-image problems and it affects your relationships, so I beg you to please go get help. If one drug doesnt work there is always another.

What say? And btw, Im gonna send a prayer up there for you. Hang in there and do not give up.

 
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Old 05-31-2012, 07:25 AM   #3
wordgirl07
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Re: severe depression

Lycan, Please understand that God is merciful and will forgive us of all our trangressions. All of us have done bad things of which we aren't proud. In the army, you were forced to do things that were out of character for you and you are feeling guilt and shame for that. God is quick to forgive, but we are the ones who have to forgive...ourselves! We are the harshest critics of ourselves and this seems to be where you are struggling. First, you are not alone. There are many support groups out there with people such as yourself. It may do wonders to be with others who have ptsd, especially other soldiers. Many VA hospitals have programs. Also, look into getting medication. A good SSRI can do wonders. Most of all, start by forgiving yourself and know that you are not alone!

Last edited by wordgirl07; 05-31-2012 at 07:26 AM.

 
Old 05-31-2012, 07:41 PM   #4
Will I Be Happy
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Re: severe depression

I'm so sorry that you feel the way you do. First, thank you for your service. It takes a brave person to serve in the military. I thank you for defending freedom. I feel I live a very straight and narrow life. I'm a good person who works hard. I have many good things in my life but ALWAYS focus on the negative such as being single with not nearly the experience of others my age. I have limited experience with men and close them off out of fear and feeling like a loser. I never let them close to me. I'm in my own way most of the time. I go to therapy weekly and it helps tremendously. My friends tell me I'm too hard on myself. It sounds like you may be also. Therapy takes time. I've gone to many since being diagnosed with depression at 17. I'm 34 now. Each good therapist has brought me to a new level of understanding. Clicking with a therapist is key. I've had some where I felt we should've switched spots. I guess my point is we can't lose hope. Something better has to be ahead. Please don't give up on yourself.

 
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