It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Depression Message Board

I need help


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 05-21-2012, 11:27 AM   #1
soundsgood
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA, USA
Posts: 2
soundsgood HB User
I need help

A lot was going on in my life when I first became depressed in middle school; I can point especially to three issues. (I realize 13 is a very early point to claim depression, but let me explain.)

My father was a zealot and fanatic who had raised my brother and me <to be the same way he was>. After years of <that it stopped making sense to me>. <His beliefs> focused heavily on our helplessness and emptiness , on how meaningless life is. I did everything I could to <follow my dad>, but my heart wasn't there. As I was just a kid, I kept my feelings secret, lived in fear of their discovery, and got constant reminders of how worthless <I was>.

At the same time, my older brother, who is bipolar, spent two years in and out of mental hospitals for a series of manic-depressive episodes and suicide attempts. (I personally pulled a knife out of his wrist at age twelve.) This inflicted intense pain, stress, and financial difficulty on my family, magnified especially by how he was treated. My mother and father fought over how to help him. In addition, my brother had a horribly inept doctor, who prescribed him a haphazard cocktail of drugs mostly not approved for minors, including Effexor, Zoloft, Prozac, Paxil, Depakote, Ritalin, and lithium, starting at age 14. This wrought untold damage to his mind and body, including stunting his growth-- I'm now five inches taller than him despite being shorter through our childhood. All this in combination with our family's history of mental illness and my father's disbelief in it contributed to both my feelings of shame and my fear of seeking help.

Finally, my parents' marriage was disintegrating. My mother had decided to leave a full nine years earlier, and stayed in it for the kids. They were essentially divorced in their own home: they had their own rooms, never spent time together, and never addressed my brother and me together. Anyone from a broken home can tell you what the breaking does to depression. I was very young when my mother checked out, and have few memories of happiness or love in my home. (They divorced when I was 15; my mother came out of the closet a year later.)

So, shorter answer: I was scared and sad and stuck in the middle of my parents' politics, living <a life that was> overshadowed by my brother's more violent problem. Throw in typical teen insecurities-- highlights include my (former) obesity and my family's poverty-line income at a wealthy school-- and all this and more led to persistent underachievement, lack of motivation, and poor interpersonal relationships.

Like any depressive I blamed everything on myself and spiraled. I've had ups and downs for the last eight years, but I don't know how things can get much worse than they are now and I just want to get out of this. Depression has ruined my life and brought me to the point where I've wasted my potential and have to apply for food stamps and dodge a dozen student loan calls a day. I'm not telling a sob story because I want pity, I'm doing this because I don't know how to get help and I hope someone here does. Thank you.

Last edited by Administrator; 05-25-2012 at 12:49 AM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-22-2012, 07:56 AM   #2
keenobserver
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: South Asia
Posts: 636
keenobserver HB Userkeenobserver HB Userkeenobserver HB Userkeenobserver HB Userkeenobserver HB Userkeenobserver HB Userkeenobserver HB User
Re: Uninsured, chronically depressed, $40 in the bank. What now?

Hi,
Thats a whole lot of unfortunate events, some which may never truly sort itself out. What I would like to say to you in support is that you have come through a whole lot and the fact that you want to improve your life now suggests that you are seeking a higher quality of life and hence you have a real chance of doing well in life.

<removed>

Personally I would say that you should try to seek help, or some form of peace with yourself before you can start working again, if you can get a job before that then it will be great. Let us know how things go with you. Thanks

Last edited by Administrator; 05-25-2012 at 12:53 AM.

 
Old 05-22-2012, 12:35 PM   #3
xquid
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida Keys, U.S.A.
Posts: 10
xquid HB User
Re: Uninsured, chronically depressed, $40 in the bank. What now?

There's nothing that takes your mind off of your own troubles as much as going somewhere far away and working to put things in proper perspective. I have worked doing volunteer work building hospitals in South America.
Try to avoid the meds route for depression just yet. You're young and have no kids to feed; get out of the country. You can travel as a volunteer, help out with physical labor or teaching or whatever they need done. It'll give you a good sense of purpose, you'll usually be too tired to dwell on your own problems, and you'll gain all kinds of life experience and self-respect.

Go on, now--while you're young and unencumbered and strong. The best adventures I've had came about from having little or no money!

Last edited by Administrator; 05-22-2012 at 08:03 PM.

 
Closed Thread




Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:12 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2018 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!