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Pretty sure I have Dysthymia?


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Old 07-30-2012, 04:37 PM   #1
quickshift
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Pretty sure I have Dysthymia?

Sorry for the long read, feel free to skim, I just wanted to type out everything I've noticed about myself. Bolded important bits so you can answer without reading all the stuff.
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After figuring I was just kind of a negative person for so many years, I think I have dysthymia. Here's what I've experienced. As a preface, I'm a guy, about to turn 19.

I don't really know when I started feeling like this, but I'm pretty sure it was around 7th grade. This was when I started doing less than excellent in school, before I had always gotten straight A's, and suddenly it became more like maybe B's and mostly C's.

Coincidentally, this is also when everyone started becoming interested in girls, like in actually dating.

I'd been a shy kid since I was born, and I was always a great reader. Being a smart kid (or at least, someone who picked up on things early) wasn't the best for making friends, and I really only hung out with neighborhood kids and a couple friends I made in class until eighth grade. I usually didn't speak out in class/ listened more than I talked. One day I said one of the many things that runs through my mind, and everyone laughed. I was really surprised, said something again that I randomly thought of, and everyone laughed again.

So this is where I started becoming more outgoing and social. I quickly became known as a funny/ witty person, and I'm not a jerk, so from 5th grade 'til sophomore year I gained about twenty relatively close friends.

At the same time, though, I never had luck in terms of girls. Mostly because of self-confidence issues. I developed crushes on girls, but I never thought they liked me whatsoever. Rather than ask them on dates, I just wished I was better looking/ more attractive. I was really paranoid about seeming awkward, I forced myself to talk to girls and seem normal.

I spent a lot of time online, on forums and chatrooms, because if I messed up talking with someone, it was so easy to delete my account and avoid all the consequences. There was no chance they would claim I was awkward, if I failed at something, catharsis was a mouse click away.

I also developed really weird sleep issues. I have an incredibly difficult time falling asleep, unless I am physically exhausted or have just hung out with friends. I toss and turn a lot. I would routinely stay up all night, or at the very least up until 3am. I slept late, especially through alarms. Nothing could wake me up in the mornings. There were days when I would sleep until 4pm, for no reason.

I was really concerned about rejection, and so when ring dance came around (sophomore year) I asked two girls out. Both on ********, like an imbecile. They both said no, and I felt more alone than ever.

Around this time, people commented less that I was 'funny' and more that I was 'sarcastic'
. I still had lots of close friends, some friends who were girls, but I felt like I had no chance with any of them.

I basically stopped doing homework here. The work my teachers assigned me, I did not feel motivated enough to attempt. I made it a regular habit of waiting until homeroom, the day of the due date, to attempt projects, essays, homeworks, studying for tests, anything. I spent almost all my time on weekdays avoiding my parents, listening to music (mostly kind of depressing stuff, such as Motion City Soundtrack, Modest Mouse, etc.).

Instead of doing things to change my life, I painted college as this golden place where I could finally take charge of my life. It was like, all these things that I enjoyed/ cared about as a kid became chores, I really wanted to do new things such as guitar/ skateboarding, but as soon as I started them I got almost instantly sick of them.

I figured I suffered from an abnormal lack of motivation. I was diagnosed with ADD.

This whole time, I really, really shut out my parents. Every time they asked me how my day was, it just seemed intrusive. I only had this feeling with my parents, never my friends. I am a completely different person around my friends.

In senior year, I started going out with this girl Cara. I didn't feel awkward at all. Long story short, she broke up with me abruptly, without telling me there was anything wrong, by not talking to me at all for about four weeks. We were best friends before this happened.

This made me feel really depressed, over the entire summer. I avoided talking with friends, didn't leave the house, lost my appetite completely (lost about ten pounds), and generally hated who I'd been.

In college, I felt a lot better. I made a lot of friends. Most of my friends enjoy being around me, but consider me to be a negative person. I could not focus on classes, and would sleep through classes on a regular basis. I became generally hopeless about school/ my future, and could not figure out why I no longer was passionate about Automotive Engineering, at my dream school.

I basically feel like I've been a f*** up for the past four years of my life. I would describe my mood as consistently low, even though I consider my general outlook on life (up until messing up freshman year) to be positive. Like, what I say about things is different from how I expect things will go.

When I can concentrate, I get incredibly motivated to do things/ meet with friends/ feel very confident. Then after a few days, I lose interest or feel 50/50 about myself.

I love running and soccer, but at the same time, I always put off doing these things, even though I enjoy them. It's like I'm always tired.


I would say I have low self esteem, but I seem to be pretty likeable. I would say I'm positive, but I always feel like crap/ am irritable towards friends. I would say I'm not socially awkward, but I never feel like girls are interested in me unless they explicitly tell me.

In summary, it's like my resting state is "in the dumps", and I'm always watching myself and making a conscious effort to feel good about things. It's like a big drain on my life.


Thanks for any info at all.

 
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Old 08-03-2012, 07:12 PM   #2
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Re: Pretty sure I have Dysthymia?

Welcome to the boards. Hopefully someone will come along and offer you some thoughts and help. Take care.

 
Old 08-04-2012, 02:33 PM   #3
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Re: Pretty sure I have Dysthymia?

Quote:
Originally Posted by quickshift View Post
I love running and soccer, but at the same time, I always put off doing these things, even though I enjoy them. It's like I'm always tired.

I would say I have low self esteem, but I seem to be pretty likeable. I would say I'm positive, but I always feel like crap/ am irritable towards friends. I would say I'm not socially awkward, but I never feel like girls are interested in me unless they explicitly tell me.

In summary, it's like my resting state is "in the dumps", and I'm always watching myself and making a conscious effort to feel good about things. It's like a big drain on my life.

Thanks for any info at all.
You really sound normal till the end of your post. You say that you put off soccer and running because it seems like you are tired. You say you are irritable to friends and your resting state is in the dumps.

Personally I would see a counselor or a psychiatrist if you feel you have dysthymia. Only they can diagnosis you as they are the ones with the education and experience in dealing with this. I see both and they have helped me immensely with dysthymia.

 
Old 08-20-2012, 12:44 PM   #4
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Re: Pretty sure I have Dysthymia?

Yep, it sounds like dystymia to me. The fact that your "resting state is in the dumps" is what gives it away, in my opinion. Be kind to yourself and see a professional. You don't have to live with the negative undercurrent. Getting down to some of the issues that have gone underground, and understanding how to work through them will help tremendously. I think identifying your issues with your parents is particularly important to your recovery. I heard once that depression is actually supressed anger, and it causes dis- ease (disease) too. You sound like a great guy. It'd be a shame for you to live like this when it could be so much better. I speak from experience. One of the best things I ever did was join group therapy. Being listened to is very powerful and healing. Hope you'll take good care of yourself.
Rhondalinda

 
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