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statikkat17 10-28-2012 02:50 AM

does this happen with others?
so i've struggled with depression for about 5 years, and i was on medication for about half of that time. I've been medication free, roughing it on my own, for about a year and a half.
i originally came here to ask for help with dealing with a family member with serious personality disorder, but recently i've been falling back into a depressive state that i haven't been in for years.
I'm used to the mild depression nagging at the back of my mind, and coming up when i'm really tired and stressed out. usually a good cry, some exercise, and a full meal set me right again. But its not happening.
I get irritated by absolutely everyone, and feel like putting my fist through a wall. I feel hopeless and like quitting college and my job and just curling up somewhere without moving or talking or eating.
my sleep cycle is all messed up, i want to go to sleep all the time, but when i find the time to curl up and nap or sleep i get fidgety and can't, and then i find it almost impossible to get up in the morning. the only thoughts are "why should i?"
i haven't been in cognitive therapy for about 9 months because we couldn't afford my therapist anymore... but now that all of this is hashing up my severe depression, i'm thinking if maybe i should start seeing an individual therapist again. I'm also wondering if i should get back on medication (even though im really against it) because i can't do my work properly, i can't even get enough motivation to make food for myself let alone do essays and research projects.
is having relapsing depression common?

flamesabers 10-28-2012 10:02 AM

Re: does this happen with others?
Hello statikkat17.

Since starting treatment, I haven't discontinued my medication or therapy so it's hard for me to say how common relapse has been for me. I think though if you do stop your medication and therapy prematurely, you're at more of a risk of having a relapse, especially when you've been feeling a mild depression prior to the relapse.

statikkat17 11-12-2012 10:22 PM

Re: does this happen with others?
I originally went off my medication because i was starting to have a serious drug problem so quit everything all at once all together. I also used to have a nicotine addiction, but i haven't smoked in months. I guess it's just really hard, and trying to find people who might understand who have been through similar situations and made it out or people who have struggled with it longer who are older than me gives me a bit of hope to keep trying. I'm considering going into cognitive therapy again, before medication, and try to sort out some things.

nikkik67 11-17-2012 07:12 AM

Re: does this happen with others?
I have suffered from depression for half my life now. I have seen a CBT, and got prescribe medication. I didnt take the medication because I was of a belief that it isnt a cure.
After serious relapses and struggling with these feelings, I am now considering taking medication, I dont want to, but I cannot continue feeling the way I do.
Like youself, my depression was mild, but it has got worse over the years, to the point (like yourself), feeling anxious and wanting to smash my fist through a window. I am tired all the time and cannot sleep, no motivation.
I wonder if once you ever suffer from depression does it go away?? I dont know, is the answer to that.
I want to get better, I will keep trying whatever I can, I've done meditation, exercise, diet, self help books etc. My last hope unfortunately is going to have to be medication.
Stick at getting better though, I am, and will keep on keeping on.
Big hugs

Nikki :)

statikkat17 11-17-2012 12:43 PM

Re: does this happen with others?
Thanks for the encouragement :)
Yah, I was actually diagnosed with sever depression and I've felt like breaking things and hurting myself, and suicide. But that was well over a year ago (before I went off my meds). I took medication for 2 and a half years, but eventually it really wasn't working. So I started self medicating, and then I had to stop. When I did though I had tons of motivation to get better and to stay clean, I did pretty well at that too.
But I've been so stressed out and been through so much ****, environmental causes, that it's been too much for me lately. I guess I don't believe in medication because I have tried it and it made me feel like an empty shell that just went through the motions... I laughed and smiled and stuff, but I didn't really feel anything.
I'm not saying medication is bad, I've seen it work wonders on other people, and to an extent it did help me through some really tough times so that I could cope with school. And I hope that you'll give it a try as well, because you can't really judge it unless you've tried it to the best extent possible.

I'm going to keep trying my best too, and I don't plan on giving up any time soon. It's just hard, you know?

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