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too much resentment

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Old 12-25-2012, 03:11 AM   #1
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statikkat17 HB User
too much resentment

my family is pretty messed up (like a lot of other's) but it seems to be at the point where everyone's roles in the family dynamic are changing around... which i don't mind, but its not changing in a good way.
or maybe im just seeing things differently and really taking a step back and observing whats actually going on... but because of that it seems that everyone is relying on me to be the most mature and to take care of everyone else's feelings. Yet i'm the youngest, by quite a lot.
I just turned 18, and on my birthday i just wanted everyone to get along and have a nice dinner together, and the only thing that happened was that everyone basically ignored that i was there and didn't really talk to me... and thats all that happens now when we're all together... and im holding a lot of resentment towards them.
im supposed to be applying for colleges and universities and getting essays and portfolios together. i'm supposed to clean up and start packing things away, but i can't because i don't have the concentration or time because everyone else in my family has "more important" stuff to do and i "have" to help them because they are so "important"...
it makes me so mad and disappointed and it makes my trust issues way worse. I already don't rely on other people or have relationships because of them... like what more do they want from me? what more can they take away from me?
i know this is kind of a rant, but i need to get this stuff off my chest if i can. and i don't know how to deal with all of this... like how do i not hate them? how do i not resent them? how do i get everything done that i need to get done?

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Old 12-25-2012, 04:10 AM   #2
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Re: too much resentment

Hello statikkat17.

It sounds like your family acts rather toxic towards you. They use you when they need to, they ignore you when they don't. Until you're living on your own and are financially independent, I'm not sure there is much you can do to avoid resenting them. I think they shouldn't be getting a free pass to treat you poorly because they're family.

I know it's easier said than done, but my advice is to direct your focus and energy towards becoming a fully independent adult. Once you've achieved this, you'll have a lot more control over when or if you interact with them. If they continue to treat you poorly, I say cut all ties with them until they change. This may sound harsh, but as I said earlier, being family doesn't give them the right to treat you badly.

If it's feasible, I suggest putting some distance between you and your family when you go to college. If you can do this, I think you'll find it much easier to put the hate and resentment to the side and focus on taking care of yourself and work towards your own priorities in life. Putting aside your hate and resentment should be done for your benefit and not theirs. Even though the feelings are not unjustified, I'm sure you don't want to turn into an angry and bitter person. In addition, continually harboring such feelings may distract you from focusing on what is really important to you.

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Old 12-25-2012, 08:24 PM   #3
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Re: too much resentment

thank you for such a kind response... and thats exactly what i've been doing for the past year and a half. it helps that im now 18, but i guess i'm struggling with whether i should go to college or not just yet (since i'm going to be going to art school, its not dire that i go right after i graduate high school) and i already have college experience under my belt.
its just hard when it happens all the time and i can't really do anything about it...
i'm seriously thinking of just waiting and getting a full time job and moving out just to be on my own and not continuously be used by them.
but i totally agree, i need to leave and live away from them as soon as i can

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