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Happy go lucky and now al I do is cry..

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Old 01-14-2013, 05:58 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mumbai, India
Posts: 1
Sherry184 HB User
Unhappy Happy go lucky and now al I do is cry..

Ever since last nov, all I ever do is cry. I try sometimes to fight the way I am feeling and get back to being my old self. I live alone, and even though I have plenty of friends, I just dont want to be around anyone anymore. When I do meet them, I want to leave immediately, because I feel, suffocated around them, anxious, irritable, and trying to hold back tears until I get to some place private. I used to be the most out going person, that laughed and joked for just about everything. Nothing got me down. Two of my siblings passed away due to illness, and have had a horrible run with relationships. But I was never down for more than a few hours/days and I was back to normal. I loved life, and everything about it. I was always eating, partying, working, being successful, making friends was the easiest thing for me to do. I'd click with just about everybody I met. Three years ago, I broke off a 5 year relationship, when i found out that I was being cheated on. I went on with my life like normal. Being the happy person that nobody could break. I was single since then. Not because I didnt meet anyone, but because I wasnt up for another break up with anybody else. I liked my single life, freedom and even though I am the only single friend amongs so many people, I used to see it in the most positive way. After lots of persuation from friends to start dating again, I decided, to give it a shot the next time I liked somebody. Sadly it didnt work out. At the same time, I gave up working, fell off with my parents, and attended two of my friends weddings. Now I cant go anywhere without falling apart in a corner. I smoke abt 30 cigerrets a day. I spend hours of my day crying, avoiding calls from friends and have lost 7 kgs. I dont want to eat, and dont have anything to say to anybody. I know i need a job, but everytime i get called for an interview, I oversleep or just not go.I dont want to meet anybody anymore. I was always the most socialable person who could start up a conversation with anybody rich or poor and on subject. I miss my old self. Even though, I have no intentions of ending my life, I do not see why I exist anymore, and I have seriously had enough. I don’t have any hope for a future or to be happy. I struggle to sleep, am woken up by the slightest noises, and never want to get out of bed. I am tired of what I have become, and just want to go back to being/feeling normal again. I know this was all triggered by the failed relationship, and now everything bad thats every happened to me, is constantly waying hard on my mind. I need help.. I want to smile again. For 30 years of my life, I never cried about anything, and now all i want to do is sit at home and cry. My chest feels heavy, and I just want to be happy. But Nothing makes me happy. I cant watch tv, I cant talk to people, I don’t want to eat or go see anybody, I am always snappy to anybody who tries. I feel empty, scared useless, a burden to society and I wonder what my life has become. Seeing a doctor is completely out of the question as I am really broke and I cant be anywhere, without falling apart.

Last edited by Sherry184; 01-14-2013 at 03:04 PM.

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depression, my story

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