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  • so very very sad

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    Old 11-22-2014, 09:26 PM   #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date: Feb 2008
    Location: PA
    Posts: 14
    janewd HB User
    so very very sad

    A very long story.

    Two and half years ago our son meets a girl. They date. She moves in with us. The split up. Two weeks later she moves back. She's pregnant. Tells us someone else may be the dad but we stick it out thru the pregnancy. Girl has the baby. Baby is not our sons. We are purely going on looks. As our son and girl are white and baby has some hispanic looks as does the other boy. It's ok we let girl and baby stay with us anyway. Girl grew up in foster care and has no one so we take her into our family 100%. Turns out girl is a user and the most self centered person in the world.
    We live in a duplex. Her and baby take upstairs bedroom. For 5 months we listened to baby cry and cry and cry. Because she would wake up hungry and the mother would never wake up to feed her. From birth to 5 mos old this went on. Mother fell asleep with baby wide awake on the floor of bedroom and baby was crawling already. Girl leaves baby on bed and goes to the bathroom, baby falls off bed, hits her head, gets a huge lump, acts differently for 2 days. We take her to the dr, not the girl. Baby gets pink eye, I have to beg girl to take baby to dr.
    Girl gets a fancy job and all of a sudden she's on and on about how her life is over and she is jealous of our son because he gets to live his life and maybe putting baby up for adoption. No I say we'll take her. From that moment on although girl is living in our house she completely ignores baby. She was before that but now it's like baby doesn't exist. For the last 6 months my husband and I have been like mom and dad to baby. We've given her all of our love and attention and everything we have. Girl would not even buy baby formula. We would tell her baby is almost out and she would come up with every and any excuse under the sun to not give money for formula. In the last 6 months she's given exactly 65 dollars towards her daughters food, care, what have you. Baby's one year birthday was last week (the most special one as far as I'm concerned) and she didn't buy her a single gift. Not one toy. Nothing. Baby has no winter clothes, no winter outer gear, nothing. Girl gets fired from fancy job for doing drugs on the job. Gets new job 15 miles away. Decides because she doesn't have transportation to get an apt closer to job we all know she's going to end up losing anyway. Completely snows a Catholic youth agency with some bull crap story about not being able to bond with baby. She had baby's whole life but she spent NO time with her, none. Some days maybe 5 minutes and that was to tell baby she was crazy or wierd. Other than that, nothing, didn't even look her way. Come home and right up the stairs. 2 days ago she just ripped baby out of here and said she was moving to the other city to be closer to the job. Now I know baby is scared, lonely, neglected, most likely hungry and I know she's missing us terrible. My heart is broken and I am so scared for her. I know for a fact that girl did not do a 360 and all of a sudden decided it's time to be a mom. On the day they moved out she spent all of 3 minutes with baby before they left. Shes just using the baby to get a super cheap apartment that only single moms can get. Otherwise she would have to pay for a real apt. I did it. I was a single mom up until my son was 2. I had a job and an apt and a car and I made it and that was without food stamps or any help from welfare. And that was 19 years ago so don't tell me it can't be done. Lot's of folks ask how old is she, well she's 19 and I don't believe that has anything to do with her inability to be a good mom. My sister had my nephew at 18 and she did just fine. Moved out of our house at the time and raised my nephew basically by herself. I do believe it's because girl was raised through lots of different foster homes but that doesn't matter. What matters is peanut. Shes now all alone with the person who has such regard for her that she couldn't/wouldn't buy her food. Didn't buy her a birthday present on her 1rst birthday. Hasn't gotten any winter clothing or the like at all. And took her away from a safe loving environment for what? All I've been doing is crying and crying because I keep thinking poor peanut must be wondering where we are, where did we go. It's just so painful I can't even stand it. I did call child protective but they haven't got an address and I can't help but think all they'll do is go in and as long as there is food they won't do anything. But psychological abuse (completely ignoring her, taking her out of a safe loving home) can't be seen by people. Also when she had her in the beginning from one well visit to the next baby gained no weight. Since we had her (I know this info because we've been taking her to her dr's appts.) she's gained 2 lbs between each visit. I'm just sick in my heart knowing that the mom is laying there not getting up with baby when baby is crying and hungry and this is just tearing me apart. There is more, a lot more but that's the bulk of it all. I don't know what I hope to accomplish by putting this here. I just don't know.
    ps, I apologize for the way I wrote this letter, I didn't want to use names and I knew it was going to be long so I tried to shorten it a little.

    Last edited by janewd; 11-22-2014 at 09:30 PM.

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    Old 11-22-2014, 10:35 PM   #2
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    Join Date: Jan 2002
    Posts: 2,365
    AnnD HB UserAnnD HB User
    Re: so very very sad

    I am sorry that you put your whole self into this impossible situation. It is heartbreaking isn't it... but You did what you could for the gal and her baby. The only thing you can do for that little one is to call child protective services. I have to wonder why you haven't done that since you know she is being abused. To me that would be the best thing in the world that you could do for the least you would know you did all you could to protect her. At least you would set in motion in getting someone involved that can do something about it all legally. You also have your own son's feelings to consider. I would think he would like to distance himself from all that so he can get on with his life. Good luck.

    Old 11-22-2014, 10:44 PM   #3
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    Join Date: Feb 2008
    Location: PA
    Posts: 14
    janewd HB User
    Re: so very very sad

    Thank you Ann for replying.

    That was the first thing we did after they left. We called child protective. I'm not really sure what they can do but I sure as heck hope they can help somehow. And your right I have to consider my son here to, they had taken over his room for the first 5 months and the girl has had it since and he's been kind of sleeping in limbo in our house for over a year. But in his kind hearted way he was ok with it because of the baby. It's just so very sad. My heart is literally breaking and hurting so bad for her. I just can't get the thoughts out of mind that she's wondering where in the heck we are and why all of a sudden she has to be with the girl. She doesn't even like the mom. When the mom would try to talk to her she would take off in her walker. It was cute as all heck, baby taking off, but it was sad too in another. She doesn't know her. I mean I"m sure she feels something towards her because she is her biological parent but as far as relationships go that's it. The girl was more like a sister to baby than a mom at all. And now she has her. Baby is all alone and I'm heartbroken for her. I know she's missing us and probably very sad. Heck the very first day that girl paid any attention to baby at all in 5 months was because of the girls foster and real sisters family reunion. The girl spent approximately one hour with baby 1 1/2 hours before the reunion (I guess to make it look like there was some kind of relationship there idk). They were gone for 6 hours. When they got home girl immediately gives baby to me and says baby wouldn't eat all day. Baby was starving. Now I"m worried sick that baby isn't eating at all because not only does girl not feed her properly or get up with baby if she is hungry but she didn't eat that day because she (we think) was missing us. I am soooo sad. All I can do is cry. I pray that God watches over her and keeps her safe.

    ps, we didn't call cps because i was afraid they would put baby in foster care and for the last 6 months we've been taking care of peanut. Since the girl has been basically out of the picture (yes living here but having very little if anything at all to do with baby- in retrospect I should have called for that reason alone- it was probably doing damage we don't know about) I figured since baby was safe, cared for and well loved it was ok to not get cps involved because the baby was being well taken care of. Now the irony is I didn't call cps because I was so worried she would be out in the world all alone with no help from anyone, scared, lonely and vulnerable. And now she is out there all alone, probably scared lonely and hungry and with her own mom no less. It's just awful. I fell sooooo very sad.

    Last edited by janewd; 11-22-2014 at 10:54 PM.

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