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  • Treatment Resistant for Depression/Anxiety

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    Old 02-01-2015, 06:30 AM   #1
    mnn8tv's Avatar
    Join Date: Feb 2015
    Location: Mesa, AZ, United States
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    mnn8tv HB User
    Unhappy Treatment Resistant for Depression/Anxiety

    Hi, I am new here. I am 55yr old female with no friends or support system. I have been on disability for the past 3 yrs due to a combination of issues, but mostly now it is my brain. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, add and dependent personality disorder which is pretty funny because I am in complete control of my finances and things I have to do. 20 yrs ago I was a total different person - confident, extremely social, a lot of friends (or I thought they were back then), very dependent young gal and proud of herself.

    After losing a family who didn't care to understand my issues, but were also part of the cause - I don't have them in my life. Just my 26 yr old son who I see weekly to help with this or that - due to I have become reclusive. I can't seem to feel right around people - feel judged. I don't like this new me, but it is my new normal and I am trying to accept it. After 7 yrs of being on all sorts of psych meds, counseling etc - I tell my pdoc that I feel like I am only getting worse. He was a middle eastern doc that didn't take kindly to a women telling him this and started to make me feel terrible and told me I was pathetic. I left the office - cold turkey from my meds and 2 days later I was in a bad place.

    For 7 years I refused to see a pdoc - lost total trust. But one thing I noticed as hard of a time I was having I survived. Well 10 months of working after a spinal fusion and bad neck, the pain was horrible, my depression got so bad I decided I had to do something and found a great pdoc. After telling him my story with antidepressants (which to this day he won't give me - as much as I want to feel better I know he is right). Just to tell you when on anti-depressants I was happy with mostly highs. But one terrible thing would happen and that was all it took to sink into depression.

    Any way the new pdoc tried all sorts of mood stabilizers which all had side effects I couldn't handle. After many months, he suggested trying ECT (elctro convulsive therapy). Upon reading on it 80% of people were helped. It was worth it to me to give it a shot. On my 8th treatment I woke up in the hospital (I actually was walking on my own, but a zombie), I was there for 5 days while they tried several mood stabilizers on me and could not find anything without serious side effects. So I lost my job, the memory issues were rough. 3 yrs later, I still have spots of long and short term issues.

    My anxiety got really bad after all that was said and done. I was agitated and annoyed easily. I didn't like how I felt. I didn't feel in the same world as others. I have memories of how I used to be and would think I could still be as such and it just wouldn't come to me. I feel like I am behind bars, grasping and reaching out to move forward to only make no progress. I have become very reclusive - I trust no one. I live alone and feel desperately alone - yet sometimes just safe to be alone. I have tried to go to a group to only become paralyze at the thought of having to be around people I do not know - and fear they won't like me anyway so why go and make myself feel worse.

    I don't want to be stuck in my house fearing people who I used to give no second thought of. I feel no joy, no desire, I get offended and ticked off easily. Has anyone experienced treatment resistance issues? And what did they do, or are they working on. Any advice would be great.

    Last edited by Administrator; 02-01-2015 at 08:48 AM.

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    Old 02-20-2015, 04:49 PM   #2
    klg3797's Avatar
    Join Date: Mar 2011
    Location: elberta, al usa
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    Re: Treatment Resistant for Depression/Anxiety

    My story is similar to yours. May I ask about your ECT experience? I've thought about it and wanted to hear someone else's experience

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