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  • What really is "normal?"

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    Old 08-30-2005, 03:08 PM   #16
    zusanna
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    LS, I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation and I'm glad you got a taste of what it's like to "let go". Nice, huh? I also felt like you do for a long time and I still do at times. I wouldn't consider myself 100% recovered now, maybe more like 75% . I like how you put it....on a fence about ready to jump over to the "normal" side but something keeps pulling you back. What you have to realize is it's YOU that keeps pulling you back. You are doing so well though and I can really tell you are making progress. Recovering from an obsession like this (ED or whatever you want to call it) is a hard process. It takes alot of determination and you have to really want it to accomplish it. I know you do and you are determined. Something that has helped me tremendously is school. I'm a psych major and I spend alot of time just reading psych related books and articles and just learning as much as I can about the subject because it completely fascinates me. You could try finding a subject you are interested in or something you've always wanted to do and do that in your free time. It's important to keep yourself busy and your mind off of everything that's bothering you or stressing you out. I've found by keeping myself busy I think of food and exercise ALOT less than what I used to. It takes up probably only 10-15% of my thoughts during the day when it used to take up almost 50% or more! I'm glad you find me and Girlygirl's advice so helpful. That's what we are here for. Keep up the good work!

     
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    Old 08-30-2005, 10:03 PM   #17
    LS289
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    I am going to be embarking on a big "vacation," so to speak, in a couple of weeks (moving to a new country for several months). This whole summer has just been down time leading up to this transition and that is why I've had a lot of time to sit around and do nothing (except obsess about food and exercise and my body). Even though I am EXTREMELY anxious about this move b/c it will disrupt my comfortable routine, etc, I am also extremely excited b/c it will give me more to do and think about than just my weight. I will be in a new environment, be learning new things, and won't have a chance to worry about petty things. It's sort of the same as your being completely enthralled by your psych readings, Piscean.

    I am starting to understand that "normal" is absolutely 100% different for each person. For example, I worked in an office this summer for a few months and every single morning one of my coworkers would come in with a Venti Caramel frappuccino from Starbucks. Those things have tons of sugar and calories, but it was just her routine to get one every morning. And she wasn't fat or anything - totally normal. So then why, I ask, do I HATE my obsession with frozen yogurt. If I get it a few nights in a row I feel disgusting and force myself to back off. So I go through spurts of not getting it for a week, then getting it for a week straight. What's so wrong with loving something and getting every night, if I want - especially if I'm not fat!?!? Absolutely nothing, right??? I got some tonight after dinner with Reeses on top (they put a lot of them and I feel fine right now - not too full. But I still feel sort of like I should be compensating tomorrow. But don't worry - I won't. I realize that it is normal to have eaten that and I will not get fat. Besides, I ran 5 miles today! I need to start putting things in perspective.

    The thing that scares me about moving in a couple of weeks is the fact that I won't be able to perform my regular exercise routine everyday (at least at first). Do you think that if I don't exercise a lot for a couple of weeks I will gain weight? I'm sure I will be walking around a lot, but I am used to running at least 5 miles at least 5 times a week. As long as I am reassured that I will stay the same, I will be fine.

    Girlygirl - did you have an eating disorder at one point? Do you consider yourself a completely normal eater at this point?

     
    Old 08-31-2005, 09:30 AM   #18
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    Hey LS..just a quick note

    In response to your question- no, you won't gain weight if you don't exercise. You will also probably be moving things and walking and touring the new city/country so you will be exercising without realizing it! But even if you're not- you won't gain weight. Embrace the change because I think it will be good for you

    I did have an eating disorder and I don't necessarily consider myself completely normal. I still avoid eating certain foods when possible, and am constantly aware of what I eat. Although I don't always act on the feelings or ideas, they are still there, sometimes stronger than other times. I would consider myself normal in the aspect that I don't really go nuts with healthy eating and junk..I mean I have a fairly good balance of good and 'bad' and I'm not one to really cut out an entire food- I kinda just focus on the amount or calories rather than the FOOD ya know? But yeah, so I wouldn't say I'm completely normal in terms of eating but I wouldn't say it's that bad either..lol

     
    Old 08-31-2005, 10:14 AM   #19
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    Do you ever think there will be a day when you do not give one single thought to food? Or do you think that once you have a disorder you always have some residual feelings, no matter what???

    I'm still thinking about that frozen yogurt with the tons of Reeses that I got last night and wondering why I just ate a gigantic breakfast: 1/2 of a whole wheat pita (90), 5 egg whites (65), 1/2 a tomato (20), 1 slice FF cheese (30), 1/2 c.cottage cheese (100), grapes (?), blueberries (30), and nectarine (50) with 1tbs flaxseed (30), and then some handfuls of GoLean Crunch cereal (??)....and I wasn't even starving!!!!

    I guess all I can say is, at least it was all healthy stuff.........
    I'll try not to beat myself up over it.

     
    Old 08-31-2005, 05:52 PM   #20
    LS289
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    So I ate that for breakfast (and considered it lunch, too) and then had some leftovers from last night for dinner: some gyro meat and chicken with yogurt sauce, a little bit of rice, and steamed broccoli and cauliflower.

    Honestly, I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel AWFUL right now. Physically I am perfectly full - not too full and definitely not hugnry - but mentally I feel like I overate. I didn't exercise today, either, which is probably a big reason why I feel this way. I also think the gyro meat has a lot of fat in it.

    I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it. I don't know what is wrong with me...I should have gone for a run....and I shouldn't be obsessing over this!!!

     
    Old 09-01-2005, 06:37 AM   #21
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    LS you didn't overeat at all. You had 2 meals- less than most people have in a diet, even! It was all healthy too. Even if the gyro meat has a lot of fat, does it matter? What does asking the nutritional info for it accomplish? It'll just make you feel more guilty won't it? Why stress yourself out worrying about it, especially cuz the meal is gone and passed and it's a new day already (at least it is where I am). You KNOW that you shouldn't be worrying about it but you still do! You need to tell yourself-reassure yourself- that NOTHING was wrong with the way you ate or how you didn't exercise. I, or anyone on the boards could say anything, but nothing will reassure you more than yourself. If you tell yourself that you WONT GAIN WEIGHT from one meal (even if you have to think of the logistics- is it physically possible to? No.) or one day, and that you really didn't eat a lot, and that not exercising is a way of life for most. Once you are able to reassure yourself and believe it, and not give into the other voices, then you will REALLY be ok, because that just paves the way to stopping the obsession and being happy and healthy.

     
    Old 09-02-2005, 09:59 PM   #22
    LS289
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    Speaking of "normality," how do you think I did today? It felt pretty "normal".....

    Breakfast: Banana, blueberries, grande nonfat latte
    Lunch: Vegetarian chili with sourdough roll (about the size of a baseball)
    Dinner: Salad with tomato, carrots, peas, corn, cucumber, beets, lowcal dressing and a few pita chips
    Dessert: Frozen yogurt with plain cheerios on top and half of a homemade chocolate chip cookie (absolutely irresistible!!!)

    EXERCISE: Ran about 3 miles

     
    Old 09-03-2005, 07:05 AM   #23
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    It was good, but light as usual. The key to 'normality' is how you felt. If you didn't feel guilty about eating this or that, or you didn't try to 'compensate' for something, then that's healthy and great..but if you did then it's still not 'normal'.

     
    Old 09-03-2005, 09:36 AM   #24
    LS289
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    I felt really good and I felt like I ate normally, but I actually DID feel guilty about the chocolate chip cookie. If you minus that, though, I think I did pretty well.

     
    Old 09-04-2005, 06:38 AM   #25
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    I hate to "but" in, but I am wondering how "normal" it is to regularly ask people if what you eat is "normal." I think that is a pretty clear indication in and of itself.
    I totally agree with the idea that, what is normal is different for everyone.
    Girlygirl is totally right that you just need to think about how you feel...but it seems like you have a hard time with that. Even if you feel great AND you ran, you'll still feel bad about the sweet you ate.
    Can you go thru a day without counting calories?
    I know, I do it too, but it seems that for how active you are, and how extremely healthfully you eat, you don't need to be so strict with yourself.
    It would seem to me that there is something else going on with you that maybe isn't about food...I don't know.
    I can say for sure that you eat VERY well (ie. healthy), if only a little wanting in the calorie department.
    take care

     
    Old 09-04-2005, 03:27 PM   #26
    LS289
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    I definitely admit that I think about food a lot and I constantly need reassurance about what I eat and how much I exercise, but I am trying to get a little more lax with myself.
    Today, for example, I had a big sub sandwich for lunch (turkey, lettuce, tom, bread, sauce) and then this afternoon had a big frozen yogurt with some reeses peanut butter cups on it AND a chocolate chip cookie. I am stuffed now, but not without guilt. I feel good that I let myself indulge b/c I was really craving everything that I ate, but I also feel sort of disgusting (didn't exercise today either). I know that most of the time I eat very healthfully, and, therefore, should be able to eat the occasional "bad" thing and feel ok about it, but I can't always do that.

    Sitting here thinking about how fattening that chocolate chip cookie was and how full I feel right now just eats away at me (no pun intended). I just don't see how it could be possible for me to eat things like that on a regular basis and not get fat...

     
    Old 09-04-2005, 05:29 PM   #27
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    LS, I'll give you a lowdown on what I ate today- no exercise at ALL either (not that I usually do..).

    B: raisin bran with soymilk
    wonderbread (white! oooooooo) with margarine
    yogurt
    cantaloupe

    L: turkey/cheese sandwich
    milk
    grapes
    cookies (2 big italian style ones)

    S: cottage cheese, 2 cheesestrings, a peach

    D: Quarter chicken with gravy for dipping
    salad with rasp. vinaigrette
    roasted veggies

    S: ice cream cone (full fat ice cream)
    cheese

    Don't feel guilty, am not overly full. I won't gain weight either. You are a) much taller than me and b) need to still gain weight, so you eating a sub and frozen yogurt and a cookie is nothing. It really isn't. The previous poster is right with everything she said..it is hard to start telling yourself different things, but you really need to try. Don't give in to the guilt- when it comes up THINK LOGICALLY and convince yourself otherwise. You do not have to exercise obsessively to eat things that are not even 'bad' for you! Youve still got a long way to go, but keep working on it..
    (P.S. I've got a nice big blueberry muffin waiting for breakfast, with a nice sugar-crumb topping. I'm looking fwd to it and prolly won't feel an ounce of guilt after eating it because I need to eat breakfast and I want to have it. It's also physically impossible to gain weight from A MUFFIN, just like it is a cookie or frozen yogurt, regardless of activity.)

     
    Old 09-04-2005, 07:25 PM   #28
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    But what you ate today seems completely normal. I ate a lot more than that and am overly full...

    B: woke up late but snacked on some rice cakes and had coffee with light french vanilla creamer
    L: Big sub sandwich (turkey, sunflower seeds, tomato, lettuce, sweet/sour sauce on french roll type thing)
    "Snack": Frozen yogurt with reeses and big chocolate chip cookie (STUFFED)
    D: Baked sweet potato with lowfat cottage cheese, terra chips, 5 sesame crackers, 100 calorie pack of cheese nips, reduced fat triscuits with some guacamole (really craving carbs!)
    After dinner: apple, blueberries, raspberries, 2 dried pineapple rings, 2 dried peach slices

    I was not hungry for dinner in the SLIGHTEST. In fact, I was still full and sick feeling from my mid-afternoon sugar binge, but I ate anyway. I think what bothers me the most is when I eat too much or I eat when I'm not hungry - not so much WHAT I eat.

    I went out and drank a lot with friends last night so I was not feeling my best today (boo!!) so that is part of the reason I was sluggish and just wanted to eat. Also, yesterday I ate very light b/c I knew I was going out. Do you think that could be part of the reason why I'm wanting to eat so much today?? Maybe my body is trying to make up for it? I don't know. I just wish I didn't feel this way right now...

     
    Old 09-05-2005, 06:43 AM   #29
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    There really is no difference btwn my day and yours in terms of overall consumption. Like I've mentioned before, you're a grazer..you tend to snack all day instead of eating set meals like I do. There is NOTHING wrong with that, it's just a different way of eating. However if you really want to look at it, you should see that my breakfast is (and always will be) bigger than yours, by far. My lunch and snack could easily be equivalent to your lunch. My dinner and snack are likely bigger, put together than your dinner and fruit snack (even if theyre not, there's still the breakfast). So our day was roughly equal. To top it all off, everything you eat is light or lowfat, where as I have the full fat 'regular' stuff most always..The thing is, I'm younger and shorter and never exercise just to exercise. So really, you should be eating much more in the first place. But comparisons aren't important, i was just trying to show you how you can eat things, not exercise, and not gain weight overnight. Honestly Ls, we could tell you after every meal that nothing will happen, but you're the only person that you will believe. I'm not just saying that- you really need to tell yourself what is logical and right..fight your own mind! After a while it'll become second nature and you won't even think otherwise. Next time, instead of posting and asking for advice, why don't you try looking through some old posts for things we've told you previously, and try to resassure yourself that way. Literally tell yourself that you ate fine and you didn't need to exercise fanatically like usual everyday. Once you convince yourself, you'll be able to get over the voice that keep nagging you about food and calories and such..

     
    Old 09-05-2005, 01:23 PM   #30
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    Re: What really is "normal?"

    I actually am not a grazer on a regular basis - I think I'm more of a set meal person - but I see your point, nonetheless.
    I think the thing is, I know that I am thin (not TOO thin, but thin) and so I think that I will gain weight more easily. Isn't that true, though? For example, if someone who were anorexic started eating more normally, then they would gain weight from eating subs and cookies whereas maybe I (or you) would not. You see what I mean? I guess I just think I eat more than I should to maintain my weight or something..
    I don't know.

    We are BBQing today and I am going to just eat whatever I want and not think about it and have FUN with my family and friends. I am really exited about that.

     
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