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Please help! I can't live this way anymore! Does anyone understand me?

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Old 08-15-2006, 02:23 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Catoosa, OK, USA
Posts: 305
Hamilton92 HB UserHamilton92 HB User
Please help! I can't live this way anymore! Does anyone understand me?

It constantly feels like there is something in my throat when I eat or drink anything. It almost feels like knots in the back of my throat. Usually the feeling is in the back of my throat behind my tonsils area.
I sometimes wake up in the morning with a funny feelins in my upper back usually between my shoulder blades and upper back area in there like it is being squeezed and my breathing feels funny for a while after I get up like I can't get in a good breath.
Sometimes I get horrible gas pains right in the middle and upper stomach where I can't hardly even walk and my stomach gets so tight.
I recently had a hida scan done and the doc says my gallbladder if filling up very slowly. I don't have insurance and he wants another scan done with the CCK injection where they give you meds to make your gallbladder contract to see if its working correctly.
I feel so weak a lot of the time because I haven't been able to eat right in about 2-3 years almost now.
I am currently 5 feet 10 inches and weigh 140. I have been maintaining my weight for a few months now supplementing with vitamins, supplemental drinks like the carnation instant breakfasts, ensures and boosts, stuff like that to make sure I'm still getting the vitamins I need. But I am so sick of being sick.
Does anyone else ever feel this way or have similar symptoms and know what I'm going through here. I really need some support because no one in my family seems to understand me. I notice on my diagnosis my doc wrote down anorexia I guess because I have lost so much weight and can't eat half the time. Last time I saw him last month I broke down in his office and started bawling like a baby and told him you don't understand, I want to eat! But he wrote that diagnosis anyways.
I am constantly scared of choking on my food and dying. Its gotten so bad that I almost can't eat at all. It almost has to be a liquid diet or very very soft food that will go down easy or I can't hardly eat at all.
I would love to be able to eat a Mcdonalds burger or chicken, anything solid for once.
Also when I wake up in the morning my stomach, especially right around my belly button area feels so raw inside. My insides of my stomach feel like raw meat, thats the best description that I can think of at the moment.
Especially right before my monthly menstrual cycle begins my stomach really starts feeling bad and I usually get diarreah really bad about a week before it starts also. I also have been told from a colonoscopy and endoscopy I had done that I have a mild case of colitis. No GERD or acid reflux though.
Can anyone relate to what I am saying. If so please please post.
I have been getting very nauseated here lately,never to the point of throwing up but I will get very sick at my stomach like I'm going to though.

I am scared and feel so alone. I don't want to die because I can't eat, I want to eat I really really do. I would give anything to eat normally!
I have no insurance anymore because I lost my job because of being sick and calling in too often.

The state keeps denying me for state assistance for medical insurance. Do I keep trying to get approved for that or is that useless? I guess you have to have a very very serious illness as an adult to get state assistance, Medicaid.
I know it was very easy to get my children approved. They were approved and had their insurance card in the mail in less than a week probably I'd say.
Sorry to make this such a long posting. I'd love to hear from anyone!

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Old 08-15-2006, 07:06 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: virginia
Posts: 140
crampster HB User
Re: Please help! I can't live this way anymore! Does anyone understand me?

Hang in there. I understand. I had trouble eating too.... all my gallbladder test came back normal. Check and see if you have gallbladder symptoms i.e., pain under ribcage on the right.. or pain after eating(or in your case drinking something with fat in it... a milkshake).

I don't know about the insurance.. it is hard. My sister just lost her husband to cancer and has 2 kids that are covered but she will have to pain about $400 a month for coverage. I don't know what to tell you about coverage...
I know this sounds silly but try using a heating pad and see if that helps any??? I know it helped me a little when I was having gallbladder issues.

Old 08-16-2006, 04:04 AM   #3
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 153
o_janus_o HB User
Re: Please help! I can't live this way anymore! Does anyone understand me?

Oh, sweetie! I hear the pain in that post. I know I so often feel it too. Sometimes, when I'm having a good time, I can forget for a moment that I'm sick and no one knows why, but every other second of every day I want to scream out for someone to help me. Your pain resonates with me and makes me want to cry.

Medicaid is hard to get, especially when there is no diagnosis. I havn't tried, myself, but I remember the fear my mom had trying to get it. We did a lot of research together and I've done research since. As ironic as it sound though, you may be able to get it with a diagnosis of Anorexia. I've heard of them accepting people based on that and a couple other things. If you can get diagnossed with depresson, which I'm sure you are. There are probably other things wrong with you that have been diagnossed. I wish you luck in that. Sorry I don't have more to offer.

I recently checked out a website. Stumbled across it, more like. It's for a women's clinic called Women For Women. They have a program involving vitamins, trace minerals, amino acids, and progesterone that, according to the reviewers who sing their praises, sounds amazing. People talk about being cured of depression, back pain, menstrual cramps, digestive disorders (thinking about your stomach there), and it seems like almost anything under the sun. You should do some research and check it out. I havn't tried it yet, but I'm really excited too.

I don't have all the same symptoms as you, but I do know the lonliness you are going through. I wish you the best.

Old 08-16-2006, 02:08 PM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: san diego ca
Posts: 461
backslide05 HB User
Re: Please help! I can't live this way anymore! Does anyone understand me?

I feel your pain and frustration believe me do I know how you are feeling.
I've been struggling with so many stomach/digestive/reflux symptoms that some days I just want to end it all. I have LPR (laparopharengeal reflux) which it sounds like you have symptoms of: the throat stuff, and pain in back, my throat is scratchy and I cough a lot plus I have the burning pain in stomach and different spots depending on the day
It is truly frustrating. i can eat better than you but some days have to struggle to eat cereal even. I've lost some weight and am hoping to stabilize.

Anerexia can mean, CAN'T eat, not just Won't eat, so that's a correct diagnosis, doesn't mean that you are purposely starving yourself.

Doctors are at a loss with all of this I believe. so much is trial and error, and try to eliminate as much stress as you can,
also the heating pad does help sometimes, i recommend it.
take care

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