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I am depressed and not sure what to do


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Old 10-24-2016, 01:50 PM   #1
road13runner
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I am depressed and not sure what to do

I am frustrated and upset. I have resentment with my wife on some issues, but I cannot talk to her about them because they then will get brought up and thrown in my face later. I know I have emotionally divorced her and I am not sure how to get out of this situation. I have talked to her in the past about this, but as I said anything she believes as a critic of her, comes back at me later, so I just have shut up, which I know is not healthy also. Ugh, not sure how or what to do.

 
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Old 11-01-2016, 06:59 AM   #2
renko
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Re: I am depressed and not sure what to do

I'm so sorry you are in this position. Is there any way that you two can find a third party to talk to like a pastor or counselor. They can listen to both sides and give you constructive ways to communicate. Many times in a marriage we say and do things that hurt the other person and I know that when my husband has been critical of me in any way I have gone back to how I felt as a young girl when my dad criticized me. We bring a lot of hurt and emotional baggage to our marriages and then women and men build up bitterness inside and the heart becomes hardened. I hope if you have any love for your wife that you will both seek help and try to save your marriage. Remember all the things you loved about her when you met her. Best wishes to you both.

 
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Old 02-15-2017, 01:16 PM   #3
sjenkins1990
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Re: I am depressed and not sure what to do

I feel your pain. Sorry you are going through this. It's not easy.

I've been there too, and now, after going through a divorce completely, here's what I'd recommend.

First, try framing any discussion you have not as an accusation. Framing is everything. Learn how to approach her so she feels cared about.

And, ask her to see someone if you think it's bad enough. I wish I had done that way earlier in my marriage. We might even be together today had we had help sooner!

Seeing a good counselor, even when things are good, can help catch the relationship threatening issues before they start.

There's no shame in it. Many people do preemptive maintenance on their cars...so why not their relationships?

Hope this helps.

Last edited by sjenkins1990; 02-15-2017 at 01:18 PM.

 
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