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Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married


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Old 11-26-2016, 02:24 PM   #1
patti2174
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Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

New to this but need support. Feel like I am going to lose it. For the last 2 years my husband has told me on 3 separate occasions that he was not happy and wanted to live separate lives, it was then never discussed any further, until the next time he brought it up, 6 months later or so. Unknown to me he was going to a therapist (who we had originally retained for our son with ADD, impulsivity & anger issues) who "made everything clear to him" On Nov. 9th in the middle of the day, he called and told me he rented an apartment. Even though he said it, I didn't think he would really do it, I guess. The timing was so cruel with the holidays coming up and doing by phone. We have an 18yr. old son (which was the reason we mostly disagreed as far as not backing me up with discipline or consequences even when he was little and now he is 6ft. tall & driving and pretty much does whatever he wants, b/c he still has all those issues. We also have a very sweet little almost 9 yr. old girl. I don't know how I am going to do this. I am 51 yrs. old, overweight and not in the best health, have been a stay at home for 18 plus years and given up most of my friends and hobbies......to please him. I feel so alone. I feel physically sick all the time and I am crying all the time. Meanwhile he rented a house on the water with 3 bdrms and already had the kids sleep over a few times. All of a sudden he is father of the year taking them to these great places when before he was working all the time or too tired. I know time heals all wounds and all of that but I am just trying to get through this holiday season and get out of bed.

 
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Old 11-26-2016, 07:36 PM   #2
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Re: Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

Much hugs to you patti2174. Wishing you all the very best through the holiday season and beyond. I am sorry I have no true advice to offer you but I couldn't read your post and not reply to you.

Sending you all the best of happiness I can through me to you,
K.

 
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Old 11-27-2016, 05:11 AM   #3
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Re: Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

Thank you so much. It means a lot. I was just looking for someone to talk to and not feel so alone. I really appreciate it.

Last edited by mod85; 11-29-2016 at 03:23 AM.

 
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Old 11-27-2016, 05:48 PM   #4
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Re: Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

Hey there, you're welcome I am sorry you're feeling so alone and I am happy to chat, I just don't have experience to offer any type of sound advice for your current situation. I DO understand what it is like to feel alone though. I am married with children who are still at home (10, 12, 14) and sometimes I still feel alone too. even though I also work 5 days a week. It isn't a nice feeling

I do hope someone comes along who can better relate to your situation but in the mean time I'm happy to chat if you need

Cheers,
K

 
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Old 11-28-2016, 05:30 AM   #5
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Re: Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

Hi there,
I am not divorced, but i am the child ( not a child anymore!)of divorced parents. I know what you are going through in a way, because i saw my mum struggle with it.
She was so lonely as well at first , feeling devastated, crying all the time, locked in her room most of day (grandma was living with us so i wasn't unsupervised, dont worry!) and the trial that followed wasnt nice either. It crashed her emotionally and financially.
All this wasn't easy for me. My mum wasn't the woman i knew anymore. I actually started liking my dad better and she could see this. She actually asked me one day and i told her that i didn't like her much anymore because all she does everyday is cry.
I was 10 yo so i didn't understand at the time, but in later years she said to me that in that moment my words were what made her snap out of it. It was a good slap in the face and she started pulling herself back together.
I am telling you this because you have to be strong for your kids.
Back then i thought my mum was weak, now she is the strongest woman i have met and a role model and you can be too. You dont need a man to be happy. You need yourself. Try and find new hobbies, pamper yourself.
I have to go back to work, i will be back later if you want to talk more.
It's hard, and holidays always were a depressing time for my mum.

 
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Old 11-28-2016, 06:31 AM   #6
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Re: Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

Hi Patti! I'm not really the type to know the right words in situations like this but this is the first post I saw after making an account here which was 5 minutes ago and I feel like I just have to reply. I may not understand what you're going through but I pray that you have a clear mind and a calm heart.

You're going through a hard phase in your life and holidays are coming which makes it especially hard. It's not wrong to feel sad or lonely. It's not something we can run away from. However, it's what makes us human. Take your time to heal

 
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Old 11-29-2016, 05:09 PM   #7
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Re: Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

Hello Patti,

How are you going? I hope things are getting a little bit easier for you as each day passes!

All the best,
K.

 
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Old 11-29-2016, 08:05 PM   #8
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Re: Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

I start getting a little used to the new normal and then he takes the kids out, then to sleep over or come here to visit them......each time is dealing with new feelings. This is going to take a long time but at least I am not physically sick and sobbing ALL the time. Thanks for your time and concern

 
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Old 11-30-2016, 08:05 AM   #9
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Re: Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

Best of luck to you patti.

 
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Old 11-30-2016, 10:58 AM   #10
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Re: Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

Quote:
Originally Posted by patti2174 View Post
I start getting a little used to the new normal and then he takes the kids out, then to sleep over or come here to visit them......each time is dealing with new feelings. This is going to take a long time but at least I am not physically sick and sobbing ALL the time. Thanks for your time and concern

Hi Patti,

No problems at all, I had been thinking of you and wondering how you were keeping I am glad some things are getting a little easier on you, but don't beat yourself up when you feel that physical and mental pain/anguish with all the new things you mention happening. One would imagine this grieving process will take some time to get through, and you sound like you have a nice, strong, positive mind so I can see you coming through ok in your own good time. There's no measures on grieving the loss of your marriage.

Take care and pop in now and again when you feel like it and let us know how you are going please
K.

 
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Old 01-01-2017, 08:18 PM   #11
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Re: Husband moved out after 26 yrs. married

Hello Patti.

Do you know why your husband left? Was there a lack of communication? Lack of sex? Those things are usually what causes men to leave a marriage. This is not your fault, because it is his job as the husband to pick you back up and communicate his concerns to you. He failed to do this. Just from reading your post, I notice that there seemed to be a lack of communication and little reason as to why he left.

 
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