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  • Can anybody help me with opinions please

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    Old 03-13-2017, 07:21 AM   #1
    hopeful2b
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    Unhappy Can anybody help me with opinions please

    Hi,

    I have been dating this guy for a few weeks and things are getting pretty hot and heavy between us.

    Anyway, he is still married, but they have been legally separated for 2 years now. I asked him a few nights ago when they were going to be divorced and he said that they probably won't. I was on my way to work the night I asked and I was running late so I couldn't ask him why. Well yesterday we had a date and I didn't want to ruin it because we were having such an awesome time and I wanted to ask after the date when I dropped him off, but I forgot because we were having such a good time that it slipped my mind.

    So this morning when he called me I told him that I have a serious question that I want to ask him but not over the phone. He asked if it was bad and I said not really, I said it's a good thing depending on how you look at it.

    He has a lot of assets, 2 homes, one in which he lives in and the other she lives in. He has 3 vehicles, a motorcycle and many other things as well. He makes very good money. The only thing I can think of without asking him is the reason he doesn't want a divorce is because she will get half of everything, but that is my assumptions, until I get the answer from him when I see him.

    The thing is, I feel that I can't give him a good relationship and I feel that he can't move on with me if he is still married. I want to be married again and to be happy and this is just killing me.

    His wife has alcoholic issues and supposedly she tried to hang herself last week, he didn't tell me this someone else did, so I don't know whether or not to believe this person or not.

    I don't know if he feels that he still needs to take care of her insurance wise and paying her bills. I feel that she is using him for his money.

    But they have been married for 25 years.

    I just don't feel like with him being separated that he would be willing to take our relationship to the next level.

    I am so confused in all of this.

     
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    Old 03-13-2017, 07:51 AM   #2
    Queenie99
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    Re: Can anybody help me with opinions please

    There is really no future with this guy. He has told you he isn't divorcing his wife so he is not considering a future with you. Kick him to the curb and find someone else.

    Last edited by Queenie99; 03-14-2017 at 08:25 AM.

     
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    Old 03-13-2017, 09:59 AM   #3
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    Re: Can anybody help me with opinions please

    There is no future with this man unless you are willing to settle for being a "fun" friend...whether that means sexually or actually having fun dates, you are nothing more to him than this and never will be unless he gets divorced,.

    Can he live with that? Does his wife know about you? Do you know this for a fact? If he is hiding his relationship from her, you have other problems.

    Move on and find someone available. If what you really want is to be married and have a life with someone, this "someone" isnt the one.
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    Old 03-16-2017, 10:41 PM   #4
    hopeful2b
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    Re: Can anybody help me with opinions please

    His wife knows about us, she left him 2 years ago. She went into rehab and found another guy in the rehab place and cheated on him.

    I think the reason he doesn't want to divorce her is because there is a lot of assets and he doesn't want to split everything down the middle.

    She text him last week when we were together and told him to have fun on his date with me because he deserved it. I am surprised she doesn't want to divorce him because she has it made, she is using him right now and I feel that once he and I are together for a while we are going to get in a heavy relationship and he is going to finally ask for a divorce, hopefully.

    His daughter is the one that set us up. He told me yesterday on the phone that he misses me because we haven't seen each other since Sunday and he told me he is starting to have feelings for me.

    Last edited by hopeful2b; 03-16-2017 at 10:43 PM.

     
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    Old 03-17-2017, 01:48 AM   #5
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    Re: Can anybody help me with opinions please

    He is "starting to have feelings for you" and you "are wondering if he is going to get divorced". Doesnt this sound backward to you?

    Tell him to call you when he gets divorced and RUN the other way and do not answer your phone until he does.

    Nothing about your explanation makes sense. People DO NOT stay together for the assets- unless they are billionaires and even then usually not. He is feeding you excusess and you are buying them. Find yourself a guy who is available in EVERY sense of the word and have a healthy relationship. When someone doesnt initiate divorce proceedings in 2 years, they have committment problems anyway..you dont need this guy's BS or to put yourself on hold until (if) he decides to commit to you. Hes already committed to someone else.
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    Old 03-17-2017, 12:31 PM   #6
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    Re: Can anybody help me with opinions please

    Hello hopeful2b, how are you today?

    It certainly sounds as though you're in a bit of a tough situation. Just be upfront and honest with your guy and see what he says. It just doesn't seem to sit right that he would remain married. She already pretty much has half of what he has anyway and staying in the marriage is only creating more of a financial burden for himself right now and in the future too so it just doesn't seem "right".

    I personally wouldn't invest too much into this relationship without the divorce going through and him being 100% committed to me. This is just my opinion though!

    All the best!
    K.

     
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    Old 03-23-2017, 10:34 AM   #7
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    Re: Can anybody help me with opinions please

    That's too bad that he doesn't want to divorce his wife to make it legal. I have heard that couples stay together (or live apart) for financial reasons. But because they both have their own place and the kids are grown really not sure why they don't make it official. Maybe it does have something to do with insurance or tax reasons. Being married for 25 years, he would be 'taking care' of her financially for many years.

     
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    Old 06-15-2017, 11:43 PM   #8
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    Re: Can anybody help me with opinions please

    Everything about his relationship with you shows that he is not at all willing to take his relationship with you to the next level.

    Being with someone is not evidence that he wants to take anything to the next level. That he doesn't divorce says it all.

    It really doesn't matter what excuse he uses. You're responsible to decide for yourself if you want to just be the 'other woman' in someone's life. because isn't that what you are? Be honest with yourself.

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    Old 06-15-2017, 11:59 PM   #9
    hopeful2b
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    Re: Can anybody help me with opinions please

    I am no longer with the man from this post. He wouldn't leave his wife and I was not about to waste my time with him.

     
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    Old 06-16-2017, 05:49 AM   #10
    Queenie99
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    Re: Can anybody help me with opinions please

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by hopeful2b View Post
    I am no longer with the man from this post. He wouldn't leave his wife and I was not about to waste my time with him.
    Good for you!

     
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