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I don't love my wife, i love someone else


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Old 04-16-2017, 05:06 AM   #1
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I don't love my wife, i love someone else

I am where because I am so unhappy and confused, I don't really know what to do because marriage is a life thing and I can't afford to be unhappy throughout my life.
I had a terrible break up from a relationship I was in too for 7 years, it was so terrible, I had to let go based on several pressure from family member to let go. But since then it was so difficult to forget about her I have tried to move on by engaging actively on other relationships but to no avail, that makes me took a decision to get married and with d advice and support of my sibling thinking it will help me forget about her if I am fully engaged to someone.

I met my wife and we got married within 6 month , she is so good hearted, understanding and caring but the truth remains that I never loved her cos my heart and love is with someone else that is my ex I dated for 7 years. I dreamt of her always, most times I call my wife by her name , it has really gone so bad that I even stop sleeping with my wife cos I don't have that attraction to her, ....I really don't know what to do because I am always not happy because I am not with someone I love.

This worries and hurt my wife so much that she is trying to know and asked that why am I not attracted to her anymore but I always lied and try to console her but God!, I feel so hurting and feel her pain knowing what she is going through emotionally, I always blame myself for bringing an innocent lady into my mess , I hate seeing her in pains , I cry most times for her , I don't want to hurt her feeling anymore knowing our marriage is just 1 year old , most times I will wanna tell her the truth and plead for her forgiveness and put an end to the marriage because as it seems both of us are not happy in the marriage, I don't know how to tell her because she is too good and innocent and also she is from a good family hence, I feel everyone will be disappointed in me. Alot to say but few to write down.
I married her not because I want to punish her but I did to see how marriage commitment will help me do away with the love and feelings I had for my ex I dated all my life since university days.

I don't know what to do,
1. I don't want to hurt anybody and I don't want to be a disappointment.
2. I hate to see my wife suffer but I don't love her , my love is with someone else.
3. I don't want to run away.

Last edited by Administrator; 09-11-2017 at 09:00 AM.

 
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Old 04-16-2017, 06:10 AM   #2
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Re: I don't love my wife , i love someone else

It is easy to say but difficult to do however you need to put your past relationship in the past. You decided to get married and that's where your loyalty should be. There are a lot of marriages that one person loves the other more or is some cases they are friends. It would help you to get a marriage counselor. This is really not fair to your current wife. Everyone has regrets but you need to move past them. Good luck.

 
Old 04-16-2017, 07:50 AM   #3
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Re: I don't love my wife , i love someone else

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Originally Posted by 52ken View Post
It is easy to say but difficult to do however you need to put your past relationship in the past. You decided to get married and that's where your loyalty should be. There are a lot of marriages that one person loves the other more or is some cases they are friends. It would help you to get a marriage counselor. This is really not fair to your current wife. Everyone has regrets but you need to move past them. Good luck.
Your are absolutely right , I have actually tried to put my past behind but it's just keep coming back. Are you advising I stay put in the marriage believing that one day I will find love n happiness in it? Or maybe I should inform her to let her known why I am far from her emotionally? probably apologise and see if she will accept?
Please put in mind that we dont fight nor had any quarrel whatsoever.

 
Old 04-16-2017, 11:42 AM   #4
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Re: I don't love my wife , i love someone else

I have been married for 37 years. Some years happily- some years not so much.
Your wife deserves better, and she will have the time to find someone new and finding that person at a younger age seems to me, easier than you stringing her along for years, bringing innocent children into the equation, and still not loving her.
It doesn't sound as if you are offering your wife anything good. You are checked out emotionally and you are checked out even sexually.
I can just tell that you already have one foot out the door, so do what you must. You want permission to keep breaking this woman's heart and stay married to her? Nope, you won't get that from me. I do think that years from now, you will look back and wonder what you let slip away. But it's your life.

Last edited by Administrator; 04-16-2017 at 01:19 PM.

 
Old 04-16-2017, 12:39 PM   #5
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Re: I don't love my wife , i love someone else

Thanks you, smh.......that's what seems difficult,

Last edited by Administrator; 04-16-2017 at 01:20 PM.

 
Old 04-16-2017, 03:21 PM   #6
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Re: I don't love my wife , i love someone else

Im just curious...do you have any contact with the ex girlfriend?

If you are imaging that you can reconcile with her (after leaving your wife) do you really think she would take you back? You may be in love with a memory...its quite possible that she has moved on and found the love of HER life...

Why dont you try marriage counseling? First for you, alone and then bring your current wife into it..at least then you will have an unbiased opinion on whether or not your current marriage stands a chance.

Best,
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Old 04-16-2017, 06:01 PM   #7
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Re: I don't love my wife , i love someone else

From what I understand you are making your wife happy and she is content. Unless you know that you can't put your last relationship in the past and you want to make both lives miserable. I see no reason to tell her anything except that feel marriage counseling might be worth considering. If she is a good loving woman, I think you should consider what you do. That's all. There are many people whose spouses die and remarry w/o ever losing the love that they had with the dead spouse. This did not happen to you.

 
Old 04-16-2017, 10:58 PM   #8
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Re: I don't love my wife , i love someone else

Quote:
Originally Posted by MSNik View Post
Im just curious...do you have any contact with the ex girlfriend?

If you are imaging that you can reconcile with her (after leaving your wife) do you really think she would take you back? You may be in love with a memory...its quite possible that she has moved on and found the love of HER life...

Why dont you try marriage counseling? First for you, alone and then bring your current wife into it..at least then you will have an unbiased opinion on whether or not your current marriage stands a chance.

Best,
MSNik
Thank you very much for this words,

About your question.... she do contact me alot through text messages telling me how difficult it is to move on without me, but I have not seen her physically, she tell me alot how she believes we are meant to and that she is still waiting for me, that it's difficult for her to give another man a trial, I believe her cos during our years together we were so found of each other and I never cheated on each other , she also call few of my friends telling them how she just can't be without me.
The truth is that I made my marriage as secret as I could and she never knew I am married. ....
when we had that terrible break up , be I met my wife, within the space of 3 month, I couldn't stay in another relationship cos the thought of her lingers and overwhelming.... I tried so hard to let her go and I also tried not to contact her on my own in anyways, but the more I tried, the more I think and want her... let me tell you something, the only time I do have a good time with any lady company is when I try to see her in that lady.
I am a very conservative person, I hardly talk and I keep things to myself alot....

I will take to the advice and locate a counsellor to talk to

Thank you.

 
Old 04-17-2017, 03:33 AM   #9
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Re: I don't love my wife, i love someone else

This kind of changes things...

I think you better reconsider everything you are thinking right now. Youve lied to one woman about being married...youve lied to your wife about how you feel about your marriage...you are in NO position to be in a relationship until you get yourself straight.

Youve made committments to a woman which you cannot keep and you are living in a bubble which is your past. You two broke up for reasons which concerned your family? That in itself speaks volumes...if you werent committed enough to make it work last time, you have no business starting it up again. You are already cheating on your wife, everytime you have a text message with the ex....how would you wife feel if she knew the truth?

Seek help with a professional and let the old flame go...stop responding to her texts. Tell her the truth. Ill bet she will want nothing to do with you once she knows you married someone else.

Until you get honest, with yourself, your wife and your ex- this is just unresolvable.....find a couselor to get honest with and start at the beginning on figuring out yourself.

Then, you'll find out which of these women love you enough to stay with you and have a relationship. I hate to say it, but the lies you have told, the way you have treated both of them, I wouldnt be surprised at all if both of them tell you to go away.,...if I were either one of them, I would tell you to go pound sand and stay far away from you!

Go work on yourself because only then will you be ready for a new relationship....good luck!
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Old 04-17-2017, 03:59 AM   #10
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Re: I don't love my wife, i love someone else

Quote:
Originally Posted by MSNik View Post
This kind of changes things...

I think you better reconsider everything you are thinking right now. Youve lied to one woman about being married...youve lied to your wife about how you feel about your marriage...you are in NO position to be in a relationship until you get yourself straight.

Youve made committments to a woman which you cannot keep and you are living in a bubble which is your past. You two broke up for reasons which concerned your family? That in itself speaks volumes...if you werent committed enough to make it work last time, you have no business starting it up again. You are already cheating on your wife, everytime you have a text message with the ex....how would you wife feel if she knew the truth?

Seek help with a professional and let the old flame go...stop responding to her texts. Tell her the truth. Ill bet she will want nothing to do with you once she knows you married someone else.

Until you get honest, with yourself, your wife and your ex- this is just unresolvable.....find a couselor to get honest with and start at the beginning on figuring out yourself.

Then, you'll find out which of these women love you enough to stay with you and have a relationship. I hate to say it, but the lies you have told, the way you have treated both of them, I wouldnt be surprised at all if both of them tell you to go away.,...if I were either one of them, I would tell you to go pound sand and stay far away from you!

Go work on yourself because only then will you be ready for a new relationship....good luck!
Thank you very much sir, I really do appreciate.

 
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