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Divorce & Separation Message Board

Marriage Issues


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Old 07-28-2018, 03:07 PM   #1
Birdlover91
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Marriage Issues

So I've been up north for 8 years now with a certain guy. Before I had moved up north, I was online talking to other guys and sharing pictures. I moved up north and had stopped for several months while we lived with his parents. When we got our own place, I started talking to other guys again and sharing pictures. I believe it was because I felt very self conscious about my body and the new boyfriend was always telling me how much weight I had gained. I don't remember the details very much, but when he found out what I did, and it wasn't from me, he beat me black and blue, I had a swollen eye and the other one had a small cut in it that healed normally. Everything healed and I was fine physically. I did jump a lot anyone yelled or raised their hands. I stayed though and he told me how sorry he was.
My second year up north, I ended up getting pregnant. It was a complete accident. I legitly did forget to take my birth control pills. It wasn't all the time and I would always take them the next day. I ended up getting pregnant. He stayed and loves his baby. Every now and then he would hit me if I upset him and it got to the point that I had told him either you stop or me and the baby are gone. He stopped and time passed.
Two years later, we were struggling again, and I was afraid he was going to leave me so I got desperate and thought a baby would help us come back together. I pulled out my Mirena without telling him and ended up getting pregnant. It was a bad decision and I do regret doing it but I don't regret my child. The boyfriend stayed again.
Around 6 months later, my latest baby had to get surgery and I was just starting work again and dealing with two children all on my own. The boyfriend was working long hours, always hanging out with his friends, volunteering with the fire department and taking classes for his EMT license. He was never home and when he was he would poke fun at me being over weight. I needed someone and felt like he wasn't there. So here comes the big one.
I cheated on him. It didn't start out physically. It started out as talking to someone who said they understood what I was going through and would be here for me. I also talked to the other person about how I could never orgasm with my boyfriend and they said it was him. I fell hook line and sinker for a player and cheated on my husband on 6 different occasions over a 6 month period. I did tell him a week or so after the last one and told him how sorry I was and how it would never happen again. He did not hit me. He cried. He also stayed.
I was looking for that missing piece from the boyfriend and I's relationship and realized that I wouldn't find it cheating on him. I gave up everything that made him uncomfortable. Church, going out with the girls from work, talking to anyone unless it was family or work, never going out of the house without him unless for work.
Six months later he proposed marriage. I said yes thinking that this was the sign he had forgiven me and was ready to move on with our life. We got married 6 months after that. The years following my confession of cheating were rocky but I thought they were going forward.
It has now been 3 years since I cheated on him and he now all of a sudden can't be next to me. Now all of a sudden he can't sleep next to me in the same bed or kiss me or anything. I feel so confused. Yes, i do know I did some terrible things. I have tried going to church. I believe that you can get forgiveness from God if you are truly repentant and confess your sins and truly try to live a Godly life. That does not change the fact that I did some terrible things. I just don't understand why, after 3 years of being good with no cheating issues does he finally have a problem with me.
He says he had a breakdown and confessed everything, well everything except the first incidents, to some girl that apparently really likes him and he has torn emotions for her. He states that he hasn't done anything with her. I just don't understand. He now hasn't slept in the same house at night with me in over a week. The kids don't know anything. He leaves sometime at night for "errands",that's what we tell the kids, and comes back around 6:30 in the morning. I have no idea where he goes and have tried asking him with no clear answer in return.
I have no idea what to think anymore. I have no idea what to do anymore. Any suggestions or thoughts would be nice. I hate living my life in limbo, not knowing if he's going to stay or go. Honestly, I don't think its fair to me or this other girl. I would not blame him for leaving, especially after all the hurt ive caused him, i just don't understand why it took 3 years to come about. Help and suggestions would be appreciated.

 
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Old 07-30-2018, 08:51 AM   #2
Yasnil3
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Re: Marriage Issues

I am so sorry you have been dealing with this for as long as you have. I would say I that couples counseling is probably a good idea for you. If your spouse wonít attend, I think you would benefit from it. You have kids to think about so itís bigger than just you and your husband. Good luck!

 
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Old 07-30-2018, 10:20 AM   #3
MSNik
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Re: Marriage Issues

I think at this point your husband is using the past as an excuse...you guys never really had a strong marriage or relationship to begin with and at this point, are you better off without him? What kind of life do you have with him watching every move you make and what kind of example are you setting for your children?

Seek counseling FOR YOURSELF. You dont need him to be there right away, first you need to figure out what you want. If he wants to leave, let him leave...if it is meant to be you will find your way back to each other- but first figure out if you really want him at all.

Good luck!
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