Help with grandparent boundaries / legal action

01-08-2019, 05:22 PM

I have a daughter with an ex boyfriend. We have shared custody and get along super well. We are both relocating to a new state.

Now, I’ve lived with my family through out my child’s life. It’s a very complicated situation. When my child was born, I was a teen. My family was very quick to get attached to her. They offered and asked me on multiple occasions to give her up to them. But I never felt comfortable. They also used fear to control my decisions. They tried telling me her father would try to take my child from me. They told me to hide my anxiety problems from everyone because no one would accept me and that it would be used against me. They told me the world was out to get me and they were the only ones I could trust. Causing me to grow incredibly dependent during my time of need. So when anyone tried helping me, they shielded me away from that help by encouraging me to lie about them because otherwise I would in return be hurt. My family imposed on my relationship with my daughter. Made decisions for me. Took my state given assistance and child support so they can strictly use it for her. I fought for it on multiple occasions. They schedule things without my permission with her. They touch her belongings. They tried convincing me I was autistic so I socially withdrew from everyone out of fear. They use her child support to take her on vacations without me. They monitored my relationships. Hell, they even put security cameras in our home to spy on me specifically. I constantly try to take back my relationship with my daughter.

I finally got help behind their back and was diagnosed with PTSD and was explained that none of this was normal. And encouraged that I leave so my daughter and I can live a better life. And told me my PTSD symptoms aren’t improving because of them. Which is why I’m moving. And her father agreed and is relocating to the same city.
Now, I’m suppose to moving very soon. But the plan was to move ahead of time to get our home and essentials established while my daughter finishes school and while her father finds a place. And while my family has tried stopping the move for a long time, they finally “let me”. Then it came out that her father was going to slowly wean her off of them since they are close. My parents hated this. They are threatening us with a lawyer so that for the few months I’m gone, no weaning happens (which gives my parents more time with her than her own father) and so they get summer visitation. Her father and I agreed that some weaning is good. And agreed to give them 3 weeks in the summer. Which was not enough for them. I’m pretty anxious about all of this because I’m terrified of confrontation from them. This is all a huge nightmare, as I’m just trying to save my daughter and i’s relationship and overall quality of life. Same with her father’s. We are all in our mid 20s to 30s and just trying to live a normal life without them trying to impose.
I’m worried if they take him to court that I’ll legally have to stay (after finally getting approved for a place)
I just need some advice. I’m not good at standing my ground in this scenario but am trying my best. What am I suppose to do? What should I do? We are considering that I just bring her with me to move now. So there’s no few months in between.

01-08-2019, 06:39 PM

In my opinion, first you need to establish as the child's sole responsible and custodial parent. I would get legal help for myself first, in this position, just as soon as possible. I would seek a family law advocate (usually US county's have family law legal aid offices that can point you in the right direction.)

I personally would not leave my child in my parent's OR the father's custody even one day until my own legal parental custody is clearly defined and respected by everyone. I would keep my child with me and would not leave her one day until the case is settled by law.

That said, I suggest that you put in an urgent call to your doctor that diagnosed your PTSD and ask how you can get a legal advocate to help you protect your legal custodial parent position.

I am assuming you are about 24 or 25 now? If you do not personally have a legal advocate don't depend on this from the father or from your parents. They all are struggling for custody of your child. You and your child need your own legal advocate. Family court is there to help you protect your parental position with your daughter...not her father's and not your parents'. They are looking out for themselves.

But you have to be strong and stand up for your own rights. Parents by law are in first custodial position and so it's up to you to first get legal help, then be kind but firm in your own position.

Because you have no legal relationship with the child's father I would not depend on either my child's father or my parents to honor my own parental rights, no matter how nice any of them seems to be right now.

Once your own rights are clearly established that YOU decide for your daughter, then you can decide where and when others may share in her life.
Hugs,

01-09-2019, 04:49 AM

The advice you are seeking needs to come from an attorney...someone has to represent you in order to prove that you are a good parent and that you can take care of your daughter without interference. As a a parent, you have rights. Also, since the father is in the picture and is supportive, this is in your favor.

You have been dx and it may come to the point where your doctor needs to testify for you as well- please consult someone professionally and get their advice. You cannot have someone taking you to court without representation yourself.

Help with grandparent boundaries / legal action

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