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  • why divorce is morally wrong

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    Old 06-17-2004, 08:09 PM   #76
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    Re: why divorce is morally wrong

    Your daughter will still love you no matter what. Even though she's young she will know that if you show her that you love her no matter what. She's a child, they can pick up if a parents unhappy or not. She probably knows more than you think. Kids are smarter now days. You should do what makes you happy, and in that your daughter will be happy.

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    Old 06-17-2004, 10:42 PM   #77
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    Re: why divorce is morally wrong

    I have heard a million times "your daughter will be hurt more if you stay in the loveless marriage than if you divorce".

    My wife and I rarely fight, and are very civil to each other. We are not "in love" but she is my best friend and we get along quite well.

    I grew up in a household in which my father was a drunken maniac who verbally abused my mother, brother and I. At age 67 he is sober now but a miserable person leading a pitiful existence. He is dying for a drink but due to medical problems it would kill him.

    Our household is very comfortable and any problems between my wife and I are kept behind closed doors.
    Here is the proof. You are not staying in this marriage for your child. You are still playing out old dramas from your dysfunctional childhood. You have never recovered from the abuse, which is why you can't stand up for yourself, have no self esteem, lack confidence, and can't make a decision. You want everyone to pity you. You have taken on the role of your Mother, who was codependent and acted like a martyr, staying for the "sake of the children," when really, since she was codependent, she couldn't leave due to the dynamics of the relationship. In reality, you aren't staying so your daughter doesn't think she doesn't count, you are staying because you feel if you leave it disgraces your Mother for staying in a horrible marriage so long, and if you leave your wife, you are doing what your Mom couldn't(or wouldn't) do for you. Your psyche can't handle all of that.

    I suggest you go to a Psychologist, but not for marriage counseling, for individual counseling. You need it. You have to deal with your awful childhood in order to get your life back.

    Then you will be able to make a decision about your marriage.

    Sorry if this was harsh, but you needed to hear it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take action! Get help.

    Old 06-17-2004, 11:06 PM   #78
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    Re: why divorce is morally wrong

    You know, everyone is sounding harsh, but they all mean well and want you to do whats best for you. I really think if you want to stay in this marriage it is not beyond hope. You just have to make yourself happy if you choose to stay... by feeling more self confident, gaining self esteem, and appreciating the things in life you do have and not pitying the things you dont... if you choose to leave which one day you might, dont feel as though you are abandoning your kids... you will just be helping them have the life that you were not given when you were growing up.

    Old 06-18-2004, 02:12 PM   #79
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    Re: why divorce is morally wrong

    That was an excellent post, CiaoBella!

    Last edited by PAISLEY; 06-18-2004 at 02:14 PM.

    Old 06-19-2004, 12:53 PM   #80
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    Re: why divorce is morally wrong

    You may also want to look into Passive Agressive personality disorder. It sounds like you may have this. It is very difficult to recognize in yourself and even harder to overcome, but it is possible.

    Good luck.

    Old 06-19-2004, 11:15 PM   #81
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    Re: why divorce is morally wrong

    i am from a divorced family....and i couldn't be more happier for my parents.....

    i was born 2 years before my parents got married....and for the same reason you are married....because they had a daughter....but i seen it in my parents eyes...for the 10 years that they were together i felt the tension....and i didn't feel the know more that you think they know...

    now...many years after my parents divorce...i have visted them the same number of times....and now i have felt 2 times the love that i had ever felt in the home with both of them in there.....i do not blame my father or my mother for is no ones fault if 2 people are not in love....and there is no use suffering....we only live one time.....we might as well be happy....

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